Söbriety • Mötley Crüe •

26. Needs

Warnings: Smut, Violence

Ryan's POV

My broken moans fill the air, trying to sound sexy so Nikki might put in more of an effort. It's been over two months since the last time we had sex, and I'm not going to be satisfied with anything less than best.

"Harder."

Nikki slowly moves in and out of me, my annoyance growing. It's like we're fucking in slow motion.

"Harder, Nikki."

"I don't want to hurt you." He groans in my ear, his breath hot on my neck. I try to grab his back and move him inside of me harder myself, but he grabs my hands and holds them against my chest.

It's like I'm fucking a turtle.

Scratch that, turtles have more intense sex than this.

"Just stop." I shake my hands out of his grip and push him away, wincing as he falls out of me.

"What? What's wrong?" He bends down to pull his pants back up, his face turning frantic when he sees tears pooling in my eyes.

"If you don't fucking want me anymore, just say it!" My words cut through him like a knife and I hop off the counter and walk back into the room, trying to find my clothes.

A mixture of fury and sadness fill my tears. and my frustration only grows when they fall as quick as I wipe them away. I know I'm probably overreacting due to pregnancy hormones, but is too much to ask to be fucked like a human woman and not a porcelain doll?

"Ryan. That's not it at all." He grabs my arm to spin me around, but I growl and slap his hand away from me.

He takes a step back, surprised at my anger, but it just continues to build. Ever since I got hurt, Nikki has turned into more of a care taker than a boyfriend and it's really starting to weigh on my self esteem.

"I'm going to sleep downstairs." I pull my shirt over my head and walk through the door. "Just leave me alone."

I can't hold in my sobs when I think that we've already lost our enthusiasm for each other not even six months into knowing each other. I try to shove my thoughts away of him getting it somewhere else, but that's hard to do when he's Nikki Sixx. The king of sleaze shouldn't have a hard time fucking his girlfriend.

"Hey!" I wish I had Tommy's never ending happy attitude. "Woah, what's wrong?" He gets off of the couch when he sees the tears and snot on my face, wrapping his arms around me and putting my head on his chest. "It's okay, Ry. Did you have another nightmare?" He gently kisses the top of my head when I shake my head no.

"I'm fine, Tom." I lie, not wanting to go into detail about how his best friend doesn't find me attractive anymore.

"If you were fine, you wouldn't be crying in my arms." He's not wrong. "Come on, you're my best friend. You can talk to me."

"Do you find me attractive?" I pull my head back and look in his eyes, he can't lie to my face. He's tried many times and I've called him out every time.

The other night he tried to tell me, a pregnant woman, that he didn't eat my leftover pizza and caved as soon as I gave him a hard stare.

He pulls away from me, frantically looking around the room.

"W-what?" He laughs awkwardly, wondering if this is a trick question.

"You don't, do you?" My bottom lip quivers and more tears fall down my face.

I'm not attractive to anyone. I flop down on the couch, curling my favorite pillow into my arms. "I knew it. I'm ugly. When did I suddenly get ugly? Have I always been ugly, Tom? Be honest with me."