Warning: Drug Use, Smut, Violence
Nikki's POV
Slash.
Saul mother fucking Hudson.
The living room carpet probably has cuts through it where I've paced back and forth waiting for Ryan to come home. I don't think I've ever been this mad. Or this confused.
I've listened to the message nearly fifty times now, I could tell his voice the moment I heard it. I've listened to it so many times that it gets more and more distorted with every pass. Why is he calling her? Who the fuck does he think he is that he thinks he can 'check on' my fucking wife? I've figured out that the night he's asking about in the message is our wedding night. That's who she was calling on the pay phone and wouldn't tell me who it was. Why is she calling him when she's drunk and upset? Isn't it my job to make her feel better? Sure, I wasn't exactly the greatest person that night, but I would've comforted her if she told me she was upset. If she had just talked to me, then the night would've ended right there and I would've never fucked around. This is all her fault.
At what point did Slash and my wife become friends? Did they meet when I was on tour? We never hang out with him, he's never been around. I haven't hung out with him since the night I nearly died. I haven't even seen him-
"Hey, we met at that party, right?"
"Yeah, the party at Doug's a while back."
"It was nice to see you again, but we're on a date."
Doug's party. No wonder she was so fucking rude and ready to get him away from us at the restaurant, she's been fucking him the whole time. She was pregnant at Doug's party. Oh my God, she fucked him while she was pregnant with my kid. She's probably fucking him right now. The bitch had the nerve to flip shit about Brandi while she's fucking one of my friends. She even had the audacity to yell at me about Brandi's phone number when she's been calling him behind my back for months.
I knew it. I knew this was what was happening, I felt it before we even left for tour.
What am I going to do? She's the mother of my child, she's the love of my life. She's the only person that's ever loved every part of me and understood what I go through on a daily basis. I can't be without her. But if it were flipped, she'd leave me in a heart beat. Can I really be the weak mother fucker that lets her stay? Can I really be the hypocritical mother fucker that leaves when I've done the same thing? She could take Wylie from me. I fight back the tears that threaten to spill over my lashes, I won't let myself look weak.
Everything is red when I hear the garage door open and plastic bags shuffling around. I try to take deep breaths, but it just ends up sounding like I'm hyperventilating. Nothing will calm me down now. I'm surprised I haven't burned the whole fucking house down.
"Where the fuck were you?" My voice echoes through the house and she flinches in surprise at my volume, looking up at me in confusion.
"The grocery store?" She waves her hands at the bags of groceries like I'm stupid, which only makes me even angrier.
"I heard Slash's message, you fucking lying bitch!" I slam my fist onto the counter and she drops the bag of apples she has in her hands in anger.
"You need to calm the fuck down right now, our daughter is here. I don't give a fuck what you think you heard, slamming shit around and trying to scare me is not going to work." Her eyes bore into mine and she doesn't miss a beat. The way she never shows fear annoys me to my core, she didn't even flinch when I told her I heard the message.
"I know what I fucking heard. 'You sounded pretty gone the other night, just wanted to make sure you're okay.'" I mock Slash's message and she rolls her eyes. "You think I'm fucking stupid? I know what night you sounded 'gone.' You called him on our wedding night!"
"And? You spent the night with strippers and some brunette porn star, hardly compares to a fucking phone call." She snorts through a scoff and my hands start to shake.
"How long have you been fucking him? Huh? How fucking long? Since Doug's party? I wondered why you were so fucking rude to him when we ran into him. Now I know you wanted to get him away from me so he wouldn't blow your secret!" In one swift motion I'm across the room with my finger in her face, and I grit my teeth when she lets out a full belly laugh.
"I'm not fucking him, you idiot." She slaps my finger away and moves to the kitchen island to keep putting groceries away.
"You must really think I'm stupid."
"You are stupid if you really think I'm fucking Slash. He's just a friend, Nikki. We met at Doug's party and he was cool. I didn't tell you, because I know he was there the night you overdosed and I didn't know how you'd feel about it. I've talked to him maybe a handful of times, nothing has ever happened. I need friends outside of you. I have to have shit of my own, too, okay? My life can't always revolve around you and what you fucking want. Besides, I was trashed that night, wasn't that your excuse?" She raises her eyebrows and I nearly choke on the spit in the back of my throat.
"I don't believe you." I look her up and down, trying to read her face, but it's indiscernible.
"Then don't, I guess. But even if I was fucking him, wouldn't it be a little hypocritical for you to throw a fit?"
Fuck. She knows.
"W-what?" I whisper, not knowing how to work my way out of this one. She lets out a chuckle when she sees my face fall.
"You may be stupid, but I'm sure as fuck not. If I wasn't sure before, your face just told me everything I need to know." She slams the fridge door and picks up her car keys from the table. "Go spend time with your fucking daughter before you leave again, because we're not coming with you. I'm going out."
"You can't-" I grab the back of her arm, and let out a surprised gasp when her palm connects with my cheek, a stinging sensation flowing from my face all the way down to my toes.
"Oh, yes, I fucking can." The garage door slams behind her and I choke back my sob when Wylie starts to scream from upstairs.
Ryan's POV
Stupid mother fucker. I knew it, I fucking knew it! I knew he slept with that bitch. I could see it from a mile away. My palms are sore from beating on my steering wheel in anger and red hot tears flow down my cheeks.
What the fuck do I do now?
I pull into the nearest gas station and fumble for some singles in my purse, I need a fucking cigarette. The pay phone at the edge of the building catches my eye and an idea floods into my mind.
I've played the doting and forgiving wife before, that is not who I will be again. I am not weak, I am not stupid, and I don't deserve this shit. If he wants to play, then I'm gonna beat him at his own game.
"Where do you live?" I wipe my face with the sleeves of my sweater as I speak down the phone.
"What? What's wrong?"
"I need somewhere to go. Where do you fucking live?"
I slam the phone back onto the machine after he tells me his address and head inside to see if the clerk knows how to get there. Even though I've lived here for years, directions are not my forte. It takes me a full hour to find Slash's house, even though it's only a few miles away. Half of my fresh pack of cigarettes are already gone, my stomach somersaulting at all the tobacco.
I must look like a psycho to all of his neighbors peeling in and slamming my car door, heavy black streaks down my face.
"Woah, you alright?" My eyes move to his bare chest and his tight black boxers that happen to be the only thing he's wearing.
"No. I was right, he cheated on me." Slash moves to the side so I can walk in, and I try not to gawk at all of the weird artwork in his house.
"You like it?" He catches me staring and my face flushes pink with embarrassment.
"Uh, yeah. I do, actually. Some of it even looks like it belongs in my house." My laugh turns into a sob and he moves across the room to wrap his arms around me in a hug.
My house, is it still my house?
"Hey, it'll be okay. I'm sure you'll work through it, that's just what happens sometimes when you date someone like us." His fingertips graze my back, shooting goosebumps up and down my body.
"Yeah, well, I'm not the type of person to just sit and take it."
"I can sense that about you. What are you going to do?" His voice is so naturally soft and comforting that my heart starts go back to its normal rhythm.
"I don't know yet." I pull away from him and look around the room, picking the couch to sit on.
"Do you want something to drink?"
"Um, water?"
"That's not what I meant, but okay. Tap fine?"
I nod my head and he disappears out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. What am I doing here? I don't know if I can do this, I'm not this type of person. He's absolutely gorgeous and probably a great lay, but do I really wanna go down this road? Once it's done there's no coming back.
I grit my teeth when I picture Nikki and Brandi together while I was at the hotel room crying my eyes out over him. Our wedding night, my husband really fucked someone else on our wedding night. How fucked is that?
I'm torn from my thoughts when Slash holds a glass of water in front of my face, and I smile as a thank you while I gulp it down in one pass. Shivers run down my legs when he sits next to me and puts his hand on my thigh.
I can do this, Nikki deserves it.
"So what happen-" I cut him off when I flip towards him and sink down on his lap to straddle him. "Oh- uh- okay?" His nervous chuckle makes me smile, he really is a very good looking man and I can already feel him grow hard under me.
His lips are abnormally warm when I push mine onto his, his hand immediately grabbing the back of my neck as his tongue pushes into my mouth. A small moan escapes me and he wraps his free arm around my back to pull me even closer to him. His touch is rough, the back of my neck starting to ache at his grip.
"Are you sure?" He pulls away from me, out of breath. His eyes bore into mine and I can already feel the pool in between my legs starting to form.
"I'm sure." My hand runs through his curls and pulls, earning a growl.
It doesn't take long for him to get my clothes off, and I try to push away the insecurity I have with my post-birth body. My heart aches for Nikki, he always tells me I'm beautiful when he gets me naked, because he knows how much I need to hear it.
Slash's fingertips run over my breasts and my stomach, a dark grin forming over his face. His mouth connects with my nipple and I wince as he bites, my breath hitching in the back of my throat. That might even bleed.
I wrap my hand around the base of his neck and pull him back against the couch, a light laugh of amusement spilling from his lips. I'm angry and I'm upset, this will not be a tender occasion. I need to feel something other than the gnawing dread in the pit of my stomach.
He wraps an arm around my waist and the other around my ass, lifting us off of the couch. The breeze against my naked skin makes me shiver and he holds me close to his body as he walks us into a different room. My back hits a fluffy surface and even though it's pitch black in here, I know it must be the bedroom. He stands in front of me as I lay on the bed, his mouth exploring my breasts and stomach. He stops at my waist line, just when I'm practically begging him to touch me.
"Fuck me." My voice comes out as a whine as I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him to me, sitting up so I can take off of his boxers.
"Hold on there. I'm not done yet." His voice taunts me as his nails scratch down my torso, leaving red and puffy trails as evidence.
I nearly choke on my own spit when his fingertips make circles around my clit, and I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. His touch is warm and sends waves of pleasure through my whole body.
"Fuck, shit." The familiar knot in my stomach builds in my gut and I'm a little embarrassed that I'm going to orgasm just by him touching me. "Hey-" I groan when he takes his hand away just as I'm about to release, but my body freezes when I feel him situate in between my legs. He rubs the tip of himself along my entrance, only giving me a few seconds until he fills me completely.
He's rough and unforgiving, and the pure friction of him hitting my clit as he moves in out of me makes my eyes roll back into my head. I've never experienced sex like this, the pressure building on both inside and out of me is liable to drive me insane. I have to say, he's talented. With Nikki, if I want stimulation on both areas I'd have to do it myself. With Slash, he's doing it all by himself.
"Jesus Christ." My whole body squirms on the bed, subconsciously trying to get away from the overwhelming feelings.
"I know." His hands roughly cup my breasts as he bends down toward me, biting at my skin as he pounds in and out of me. The rhythm he keeps for the next few minutes continuously sends shivers throughout my entire body.
"Show me how hard you can cum for me."
His words send me over the edge and my whole body shakes as pure ecstasy completely takes over, I can't even see straight. His hand roughly wraps around my neck as I release and it feels like my entire body might come off of the bed. I open my eyes to see his face twist into pleasure, his thrusts getting sloppier with every move.
I can't move, my whole body feels like I just took a heavy shot of a muscle relaxer. My tongue feels fat in my mouth, not allowing me to speak. All I can do is lay and take deep breaths as I bask in this amazing feeling. I wince as he pulls out of me and lays on the bed next to me, a sick smile on his face.
"That was amazing." I see squiggles of light as I close my eyes and try to will the feeling back into my numb body.
"I get that a lot." His cocky attitude would normally make me want to slap him, but I feel too good to inflict pain on anyone right now. "I take it Sixx doesn't fuck you quite like that."
And just like that, the euphoria in my body turns to crippling guilt and tears fall down my cheeks, realizing what I've done.
"I-uh, I need to go." My legs feel like jelly as I stand up and walk back to the living room to find my clothes.
"You don't have to go, you can stay. We can do this all night." He leans against the doorway, watching me get dressed.
"No. We're even now."
Nikki's POV
I look at the clock reading midnight, a pit of never ending anxiety stuck in the back of my throat. I thought maybe Ryan had just gone for a drive to cool off, but it's been hours and she's still not back yet. Trying to get Wylie down alone was a feat, I could tell she was upset that it was me and not her mother trying to put her to sleep.
It's too dark to see all the way down the street, I can't tell if her car is at Tommy's or not. I figured that would be where she'd turn, but the nagging voice in the back of my mind keeps telling me she's at Slash's and not Tommy's.
She's gone, and she's never coming back. My eyes are raw from crying as I pick up the phone in the bedroom.
"Hey, uh, is Ryan there by any chance?"
"No, why would she be here?"
"We had a pretty big fight, I figured she'd run to you like she always does."
"What did you do, Sixx?" Tommy's condescending tone pisses me off and I regret calling him in the first place. He always takes her side, it never fails.
"Why do you assume it's me, T-Bone? She's not a fucking angel."
"Because I know you. She find about that chick in Vegas?" Does everyone fucking know? Am I that bad at hiding shit?
"Yeah, but I found out she's been talking to Slash behind my back so she's not exactly in the right here either."
"Slash? Like Slash Slash? I didn't know they even knew each other."
"Yeah, me neither. I think they've been having an affair for a while now, even though she denied it before she left."
"Nah, man. She wouldn't do that, she's not like that. Does she even normally like dudes?"
My head snaps up when I hear the garage door open and I slam the phone back on the receiver without saying goodbye. It starts to ring a few seconds after I hang up, but I'm already halfway down the stairs. The anxiety in the back of my throat turns to nausea when Ryan comes in the door with her hair tousled and make up running down her face. Her shirt is on inside out, and that tells me everything I need to know.
"We're even now." She drops her keys onto the counter and pushes past me to walk up the stairs.
"What the fuck do you mean 'we're even now?'" I'm hot on her heels as she walks into the bathroom and starts to take off her clothes.
My eyes land on the scratch marks down her stomach and bite marks on her breasts. Tears fall down my cheeks freely, but I can't decide if they're from anger or sadness.
She fucked him, she really fucked him.
"How could you do that to me?" She snorts at my words as she turns the water on to run a bath.
"You did it to me first, and on our fucking wedding night. Don't try to play the victim here, Nikki. What you did was way worse."
I can't control myself when the hair dryer connects with the mirror, sending it crashing into pieces all over the floor. She gives me an unamused look as she steps into the bath, an uncomfortable look on her face as she sits in the water.
"So sore that you have to take a bath?" She smiles an evil smile, a look of wonder on her face. Probably remembering what she just did.
"Yes. We're gonna have to try some new things in our sex life, because I've never came so hard in my life."
Everything turns black as a wave of indescribable rage takes over me, making me close my eyes. When I open them back up, I'm on my knees in front of the bath tub and my hand is wrapped around her throat as she looks me dead in the eye.
"Go ahead. If you want to hurt me, then hurt me. It won't be any worse than anything we've already done." She grabs my wrist and makes me grip her throat tighter, my eyes widening at her words.
"I don't want to hurt you, Ryan." I let go of her throat with shaky hands, realizing what I've done. I would never want to hurt her, what the fuck am I doing?
How did we get here? Where do we go now? Six months ago we were so in love that we couldn't be apart from each other for more than a few hours. Four months ago we were welcoming a brand new life made of me and her into the world. We haven't even been married for two whole months and we're already destroying each other. We have to get back to where we were, I can't do this without her.
"Seems like you do." Tears fill her eyes and my heart snaps into two as I choke on a sob.
"I- I don't. I love you." I fall to the side, wrapping my arms around my knees as I sit next to her. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm so sorry."
"I'm sorry, too, Nik." She grabs my hand and twirls her fingers into mine, looking at me with waterfalls of tears falling down her face.
"Are we over?" My voice is no louder than a whisper, petrified of her answer. I don't know what I'll do if she decides to leave me.
"Do you want to be over?" Her voice sounds just as scared as I am, which gives me a little bit of comfort.
"No. I don't, I really don't."
"Then no. We're not." I let out a shaky breath, wiping the tears from my face with the back of my hand.
"You can't see him again." I swallow the rage coming back up my throat. "You can't talk to him, you can't be friends with him."
"You have to do the same. If we're gonna make this work you can't be running off with other women. I can't do that again, Nikki. And you can't pressure me into going on tour, because I think that's what got us here. We can't be down each other's throats all the time. We have to be our own people."
"Okay." I nod sadly, knowing she's right. "No more, okay? No more lies. No more hiding shit from each other. I want to start over and go back to how we were before. I just want you, Ryan."
A few moments of silence pass and I try to get up the nerve to ask her what I'm dying to know.
"Was this the first time you fucked him?" I pick a spot on the wall and focus on it, trying to calm my racing thoughts.
"Yes. I've never fucked around on you until tonight. How many times have you fucked around on me? Be honest."
"Just the once, and I regretted it immediately." That's not a lie.
"Is there anything else you're not telling me?" She flicks her eyes toward me and I swallow a gulp, picturing Brandi with the small bag of coke.
"No." I look away so she doesn't see the lie written all across my face. "Is there anything you're not telling me?"
"No." She doesn't seem confident in her words, but I guess I'm not either, so I choose to let it go.
"Do you think we'll be okay?" I look at her in search of any resemblance of hope in her face, breathing out a sigh of relief when she gives me a weak smile.
"We'll be okay. We just have to work on it."
Whatever has been done, is done. None of it matters as long as we can build each other back up and get back to being in tune with another. I want my wife back.
But when I see Slash, that mother fucker is dead.