Warnings: Mentions of Previous Drug Use
Ryan's POV
I look around the room of at least twenty-five people in search of my friendly faces. I finally come across Tommy sitting in the back corner and he waves for me to come over. I give him a thankful smile as I sit down.
"Hey, babe. How was your day?" He crosses his legs and sits back in his seat.
"Long, where are the other guys?" I look around the room trying to find Nikkis face and am disappointed when I don't see it.
"Vince is visiting with Sharise, and Nikki is in individual therapy. It's been a weird day." I look at the clock on the wall that reads 6:30 PM, Nikki doesn't have individual therapy at 6:30 PM.
"Is something wrong? This isn't his normal therapy time." I furrow my brows and he looks at me sympathetically and sighs out.
"He got upset today in band therapy. The counselor asked us to picture ourselves as kids and he just lost it, man."
Worry spreads through me like a wildfire, knowing how hard that must've been for Nikki. He's told me a lot about his childhood and I know it's not something he wants to look back on, which is one of the things we have most in common.
"He's gonna miss getting his 30 day chip." I frown and look at the floor. I make a mental note to grab a chip from the counselor and take it to him later. I know he'll be at the beach after the day he's had.
The rest of the meeting goes by agonizing slow with my brain completely wrapped in worry for Nikki. All I want to do is get out and find him, but I know I won't be able to sneak out without someone noticing and it would look pretty weird if I voluntarily missed getting my chip.
The gold coin rests in the palm of my hand as I stare it like it's gonna suddenly dissolve and take all my clean time with it. Who knew a cheap fake gold coin that looks like those chocolate coins my dad used to bring me from the candy store down the street would hold such a heavy value?
Tommy walks across the front of the room and promptly screams "fuck yeah!" pumping his fists in the air when the counselor drops his coin into his hand.
"Alright, guys. Congrats on your 30 days and we're halfway through it!" The whole room starts to clap and I eye the door, ready to get the hell out of here.
—
I walk down the boardwalk to the beach, my eyes darting in every direction to find the mess of black hair that I've grown fond of.
It take a few minutes, but I finally see Nikki laying on the shore in his boxers, letting the waves crash around him. I have to pry my eyes away from his toned body when I feel that familiar twinge of need in between my legs.
I take off my pants and shirt and lay next to him, twitching at the cold water stinging my skin.
He doesn't say anything and just twirls his fingers into mine and rubs the top of my hand against my track mark scars like he always does.
We lay like that in silence for a while until he abruptly sits up and looks down at me.
"Hi," is all he says.
"Hi." I sit up and wrap my arms around my body to try to find warmth, failing. He notices and wraps his arm around me and pulls me into his lap, holding me close to his chest so I can soak up his body heat.
"Tommy told me you had a bad day." I look up at him but keep my body close to his chest so I can gather all of the warmth that I can.
"Yeah." He kisses my forehead and my heart thumps.
"You wanna talk about it? I wanna know what's going on in that big brain of yours." I tap his forehead and he smiles.
"I guess I'm just realizing how fucked up I am." He sighs and puts his chin on the top of his head, both of us looking out at the water.
"We're all a little fucked up."
"All of these abandonment issues that I've shoved down for so long are starting to come up and I don't like it. We're working through all the shit we've done wrong, too, and it's hard to face how much of a piece of shit I am."
"You're not a piece of shit, Nik." I turn to face him, wrapping my legs around his torso so I can look into his eyes.
"I am, though. You know I didn't even go to my grandmother's funeral? She practically raised me and was the mother that my mom could never be, and I chose to stay home and shoot up because I couldn't face my feelings about it." His eyes fill with tears, and my heart hurts for him so bad that I feel my own fill, too. "How could I do that, Ryan?" He starts to sob and I wrap my arms around his shoulders, bringing his head to my breasts and letting him sob.
"It's okay, honey." Tears fall down my face and there's nothing I want more in this world than to take his pain away.
He sobs into my chest for so long that the sun is almost set and darkness is filling the sky, both of our bodies shivering from the cold. I move my hands from his back to his face and turn him to look at me. I can tell he's embarrassed and in an attempt to tell him it's okay I use my thumbs to wipe his tears.
His lips press into mine full of need and I can taste the salt from his tears on my tongue. His tongue dances on mine, his arms moving to my back and flipping me onto the sand and moving us up out of the water in one swift motion. The familiar heat in my groin that I get whenever he kisses me, or takes his shirt off, or let's be honest even smiles at me, returns and I moan into his mouth. His lips curl into a smile when his hands fumble against my bra clasp, trying to undo it but failing miserably. Guys can never get bras off easily.
"Let me help." I laugh and he lifts off of me, sitting back onto his knees so I can sit up and take the bra off myself.
"I'm-uh- usually better at that." His face is pink with embarrassment which makes me chuckle as I throw my bra above me so it doesn't wash away into the waves.
His eyes go dark and his hands explore my body, making a puddle in between my legs. His hands cup my breasts while his fingers roll over my nipples and my back arches in ecstasy as he presses his lips back onto mine. I frown through the kiss remembering his weeks long blue balls and when my hand reaches for his boxers, he pulls away from me making me groan.
"Stop, Nik. Let me touch you." I know I sound like a brat but he's starting to piss me off.
"I don't want to hurt you." Hurt me?
"Why would you hurt me? Do you have some monster dick or something?" I raise my eyebrows.
"No." He laughs. "I mean, it's not small or anything, I don't think, I've never had any complaints, but I don't think it's a monster dick." He gets lost in thought looking up at the sky.
"You're rambling. What's wrong?" I sit up, disappointed.
"Have you ever been with a guy?" Oh, that's what this is about.
"Yes, Nik, I've had a dick inside me before, you won't break me. Just because I've been with a woman doesn't mean I haven't had things inside of me." He raises his eyebrows in shock and I roll my eyes. Typical lesbian misconceptions.
"Look, if you don't want to, it's fine. I can always go find Vince." He slaps my thigh and pushes me down, climbing back on top of me.
"No, you're mine, got it?" His demeanor changes and he's practically growling at me, my wetness getting even more apparent. I nod quickly as his hand reaches to take off my panties. He groans when he touches my clit, his fingers practically sliding into me. He doesn't hold back, forcefully moving in and out of me and curling the tips of his fingers inside of me, hitting my sweet spot. I grab the back of his neck and make him look at me, a dark grin spreading across his face as he puts his forehead against mine.
"Fuck me." I growl and he nods in understanding, taking off his boxers and settling himself in between my legs. I moan his name as he rubs the tip of his dick around my clit and down to my entrance, going back and forth to see how long I can take it before I snap. It's not long until I'm grabbing his lower back and shoving him into me, which was probably not a good idea because it's been a while since I've been filled so completely. I wince in pain, which Nikki seems to enjoy because he grabs my throat in response, pounding in and out of me. I haven't felt this good in such a long time, and I'm practically squirming against the sand for more. I reach down to rub my clit and he growls, going even harder.
It's not long until I feel the tightness in my lower abdomen, signaling I'm about to finish, and a series of broken moans and what sound like prayers with how much I'm saying God's name escape my mouth. My whole body shakes when I climax, making my walls go even tighter around Nikki and his eyes start to close. I grab the sides of his cheeks with one hand, making him look at me as he finishes.
He practically falls on top of me, both of us gasping for air since we basically forgot to breathe the whole time.
"Are you okay?" He asks me, slowly pulling himself out and off of me, laying on his side next to me with his head in his hand.
"I'm great." I breathe out, making him laugh. He looks me in the eye, cupping his free hand around my cheek with a somber look on his face.
"You're gonna be the death of me." He says softly, not understanding the meaning of his words, and I take a second to pray to God that he's not right.
We can just keep us a secret, right?
"Oh, hey, I forgot to give you something." I say as I'm putting my clothes my back on. I dig into my pants pocket and pull out the small gold coin I got for him from the meeting earlier.
"Happy 30 days, Nik." He smiles as I drop the coin into the palm of his hand, studying it for a moment before looking at me.
"Thank you." He says in a strained voice as if he's about to cry again, and I wave my hand at him as if to say it wasn't a big deal.
"I'm never having sex in the sand again. This was an awful idea. I feel like I have sandpaper grinding against my vagina." I wiggle my legs in pain and Nikki laughs at me, reaching for my hand to lead me back to the building.