We're Finding Hope In The Hopeless

You're Killing Me Softly

"Ricky?"

"Yes?" He glanced at me in the mirror. Ricky was putting on his stage make up when I peeked around the corner of the dressing room to ask him a question I had been thinking about for days. He smeared his right arm in black paint while I watched him.

"I've been thinking," I finally found my words, "about, uh, about a test. For Scarlett."

The room got quiet except for our breathing and Ricky's stage supplies. He put them away quietly, painfully quiet, and refused to look at me. I opened my mouth to speak again but changed my mind.

"Do you want to?" He finally asked quietly. I nodded my head and he caught it just in time.

"I have no doubt she's yours but you know... It's that-"

"'You never know'. Yeah, I understand what you mean." He stood up and walked towards me. I hugged his waist and pulled him close, ignoring the fact that I was wearing a white tank top. His chest filled with air and he sighed into my hair.

"I just want to make sure." I mumbled into his bare chest. Ricky stepped back and met my eyes. Regretfully, I looked back.

"I agree. But I want you to know, that no matter what happens or what that test says, you. Are. Mine." He accentuated each word before smiling softly. "I love you so much, Blaze and I refuse to lose you again. We work so well and I've never felt this way about anyone. You've always been the perfect fit for me."

Carefully, I took his face in my hands, making sure not to mess up his hard work. I pulled us nose to nose and grinned. "Of course I'm yours. I've made a lot of mistakes and not being with you will not be one of them. You and I are forever. You're stuck with me." I pecked his lips and poked his stomach. He chuckled lightly and nodded.

"I'm definitely okay with that." He kissed me and I got as close to him as I could. Ricky unexpectedly bit my lip and I blushed.

"After." I whispered. Their manager stepped into the room and waved for Ricky to follow. We kissed one last time before he turned away to leave. I slapped his butt and earned a warning look from him as he backed out of the room. I laughed and blew a kiss and left in search of Kylie and Scarlett.

I found them standing backstage, watching the band do their pre-show warm up. They had some weird huddle thing and did who knows what in it. Finally, they broke away and ran on stage in order. I took Scarlett from Kylie and adjusted her earmuffs as they began to play.

"So did you tell Ricky?" Kylie shouted above the noise and I leaned in to listen better. I nodded my head and faced her.

"He thinks it's a good idea. I'll go to the doctor tomorrow. You and Claire are going with me." I punched her arm lightly and she rolled her eyes.

"Lovely." I saw her mouth and I laughed. I was glad at how close her and I had gotten since I was with Ricky. We had hung out a lot before the wedding and we just clicked. She had been tagging along for the last half of this tour and I was glad to have another friend around.

Motionless played another crazy show and the fans screamed with insanity. Ricky did the same he always did, taking Scarlett from me and placing her against his sweaty body. He kissed her plump cheek and handed her back to Kylie. We stood around in confusion as he grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hallways.

"Ricky, what are you doing?" I laughed and tried to keep up with him. He was practically running and I had no idea why. We found ourselves back in the dressing room and Ricky pressed his body against mine.

"You said after." He had us nose to nose and stuck his bottom lip out in a pout. I laughed and lightly pushed his face away from me.

"Not here! Ricky, this is crazy." I lowered my voice and watched his face. A slow grin creeped onto his lips and I knew exactly what that meant.

"I don't care." He said, just as I thought. Ricky kissed me slowly, adding more meaning and love each second that passed. I wasn't exactly sure how this would work, but Ricky always had a way. Currently, we were against the door, preventing anyone from coming in.

Ricky's hands wandered my body and I bit my lip in an attempt to control myself. He kissed me from my jawline to my collar bones and snaked his hands under my shirt to the back of my bra. I could hear footsteps approaching and embarrassment tainted my pale cheeks, turning them crimson.

"Ricky... People are coming..." I mumbled against his lips. My hands were tangled in his black hair and he had me pinned against the wall. Reluctantly, he paused and turned around. He scrambled around the room and slapped a few things on a desk.

I saw him scribbling away at a piece of a paper. He was too far away for me to read it but I assumed it was a warning note. He found tape, opened the door, slapped it, and shut it again. Instantly, we were back to where we left off except traveling to the couch.

By then, we were both most definitely shirtless and working on each other's pants. I laughed at how cute Ricky looked, all sex crazed and sweaty, but at the same time, it was the hottest sight.

"What are you laughing at?" Ricky smiled against my skin.

"You." I laughed again. "You're so cute. I love you."

Ricky scooted up to face me. He smiled and leaned down for a kiss.

"I love you too." He whispered when we parted for air.

* * * * *

"Getting ass. Move along." Balz read the message taped on our dressing room door. The rest of the guys cheered and laughed while Kylie smiled knowingly. Unfortunately, I couldn't do either. I was jealous of him.

Even after having an almost heart to heart with Blaze, I couldn't let go of that... Feeling. I wasn't even sure what it was anymore. It used to be love, and I'm sure it still was, but there was a twist to it that just felt wrong.

We could hear their quiet moans and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm getting food. Anyone coming with?" I suggested and held my hand in the air. I gained a few mumbled agreements and walked off as quick as I could to avoid anymore thoughts.

Or images. I thought.

The rest of us ate Subway while Kylie fed Scarlett her formula. After, we walked to the bus and found a very tired and messed up Blaze and Ricky. I walked past them, stopping to fix a stray hair on Blaze.

"Next time, look more presentable." I laughed and left for the shower.

I didn't really try to get clean. The water ran down my body and I sat there searching the darkest depths of my mind to try and figure it all out.

What was wrong? Why couldn't I let her go? Whatever the reason, it's slowly but surely killing me that I don't know.