We're Finding Hope In The Hopeless

This Separation Burned Like A Thousand Fires

{Song: Reincarnate by Motionless In White}

"That's the last bag." Blaze mumbled, emotionless. She stood next to me as we stared at my bunk, packed with my belongings. I wanted to reach out to her, reassure her that it was okay and that I would be back, but I knew it wouldn't help. So instead here we stood, making this goodbye the most shitty one yet.

"I'll miss you. And after the meeting in Wilkes, I'll stop by." I finally faced her but she still avoided my eyes.

"Okay." Was all she said. I sighed and held out my arms. She threw herself against my body and hugged me tight. It was to the point where my ribs started to hurt but I didn't care. I took a deep breath and kept the smell of her hair in my lungs as long as I could, until I memorized the smell. I felt her hands travel to my hips as she pulled away.

"Better fucking call me everyday." Blaze grinned at me.

"Of course," I nodded, "every hour." I smirked and kissed her hard. She tangled her fingers in my hair and pulled me close. My breathing hitched and she knew, pulling away instantly.

"I love you." She pecked my lips one last time before walking away from me.

"I love you too." I whispered her way and waited until she was no longer on the bus. I was about to sit down and rest before the long trip before she stormed back up the stairs. This time, Scarlett was there.

"Say goodbye, Scar. Daddy will be back soon." Blaze made Scarlett's little hand wave and I laughed. I made my way over to the two and took Scarlett in my arms. Her blue eyes sparkled in the light and she was chewing away at her fingers with her gums. I kissed her forehead and let my lips linger before smiling.

"I love you guys." I handed Scarlett back and kissed Blaze's forehead next.

"We love you too." Blaze bit her lip and walked away again. I knew this time she wouldn't come back even though I really wanted her to. The rest of the band finally came on the bus, after saying goodbye to all their ladies. Balz started the bus and we began to drive away from our love and life.

* * * * *

"Thanks guys for coming out." Chris spoke into the mic one last time before we walked away. We played our first acoustic show and it went pretty well. Playing 'Reincarnate' acoustically was pretty fucking hard but we did it.

We made a quick stop by my house so I could see the girls one last time before leaving. Blaze was fairly calm this time around and didn't let go of me the whole time. Unfortunately, the visit was cut short and we had to leave again. Unsure promises and kisses were passed around before we left.

"On our way to New York!" Vinnie shouted excitingly as we made our way to the airport. The beginning of tour was starting now and it already sucked without Blaze and Scarlett.

"How's Scarlett?" Ghost sat down beside me in the lounge.

"Great. Great. Cries a lot but great." We chuckled softly.

"She's cute." I nodded and he continued, "How does it feel to be a father now?"

I thought before I answered. "I actually love it so far. Just hate having to leave so early."

"I would too." Ghost patted me on the back. "It'll be okay though. This is a short tour and we won't be leaving again until March."

"Fuck! I forgot about that!" I dropped my phone onto the carpet. Ghost gave me a strange look and I grabbed my hair. "I didn't tell Blaze about our headliner. She thinks we won't be gone again until May."

Ghost made a face and I knew I was fucked. How could I forget?! Our first headliner in a long time and I forgot. I slapped my forehead and threw myself onto the couch.

"Ghost, can you tell her? I'm going to die." I covered my face with a pillow from nearby.

"She'll like it better if you tell her." He chuckled and turned on the tv. I knew he was right but fuck, I wish I could disappear. I thought that by now things would be so much better but so far everything was starting to suck. I sighed loudly and buried my face in the pillow.

"Fuck."

* * * * *

"Boop. Boop." I kept touching Scarlett's nose with my index finger. Each time, she would explode with laughter.

"Boop!" I poked her again and we both laughed.

"Okay," I sighed, picking her up and placing her in her crib, "let's get some sleep." She cooed and I smiled down at her. She gnawed away at her pudgy, little fingers and bounced her legs in the air. To relax her, I traced my fingers up and down her tummy. Her smile eventually faded and she slowly closed her eyes.

This would be the first night that Scarlett and I would be alone without Ricky. Luckily, Claire didn't have work tomorrow so she agreed to come over after she got off. I turned off Scarlett's lights and slowly walked downstairs to wait for Claire. I checked my phone only to be greeted with nothing yet from Ricky but I told my mind to calm down.

"He's probably on his flight." I whispered to myself. I turned on the TV and laid on my stomach and continued to wait for Claire.

She's taking forever. She was suppose to be off work an hour ago. As soon as I thought that, a soft knock came on the door. I opened the door to a makeup less Claire in Ninja Turtle pajama bottoms and an oversized, butchered white t-shirt. I tried to contain my laughter but a small chuckle escaped anyways.

"Shut up, I'm leaking this sleepover for everything it's worth. We barely have alone time anymore!" Claire threw her arms around me and I laughed, hugging her back.

"That's true. Well we do now and we will for awhile." She grinned and shoved past me for the TV.

"We're not sleeping. American Horror Story binge watching! I'll make popcorn." She threw in the DVD and left me for the kitchen. I laughed lightly and wrapped myself in a blanket. Waiting patiently for her, I started to close my eyes.

"Wake up!" Claire whispered harshly when she came back.

"Hm? Oh, sorry." I wiped my eyes and we cuddled up to watch. Half way through, Scar woke up and started crying. Claire decided to take the wheel but gave up when Scarlett wouldn't stop crying.

"She's probably hungry or needs a diaper change, both of which are not my job." Claire cringed and walked back downstairs. I laughed and picked up Scarlett to figure out the problem. Truth was, I don't think she liked Claire. The minute I cuddled her against me, she was silent and on her way to sleep again. I laughed lightly and laid her back down to sleep. I joined Claire again but found her asleep on the couch.

Sighing, I turned off the tv and went back to my room. I tried to laid down to sleep but my mind still wandered over Ricky. I missed him terribly and he hadn't even started his first day of tour. I wasn't sure how much longer I could be without him but I knew that this was his dream. I turned over on my side and rested my hand on the empty spot his small body usually filled.

"Please come back home..." I whispered. I knew it he couldn't hear me but I had hoped that he would.