We're Finding Hope In The Hopeless

I Will Wait Endlessly

{Song: Wasp by Motionless In White}

That was enough.

Maybe too much.

Scarlett Porter was now the reason I couldn't leave. What other reason did I need to keep ahold? I was too invested into this toxic relationship to just leave it all behind.

I walked back to the couch and sat down. My eyes burned into the spot that her graceful figure, flawless in my eyes yet imperfect in every way possible, previously sat. Her cloak of black hair covered the snow white skin I'd come to remember like the back of my hand. Her smile burned into the back of my eyelids, so innocent but guilty at the same time.

I realized how long I was sitting here without moving and shifted my legs to make myself look alive. I leaned over and ran my fingers through my dark hair. Her face haunted my mind endlessly and I couldn't hold back any longer. I let the wall of denial break and every memory flooded it's way into my mind.

That very first night when Ricky walked into the bar with her was the day I felt purpose again. She looked lost in herself, confused in who she wanted to be. She looked as though she was new to feeling something different. Although she looked like she was falling apart, I felt like I could be the glue to pick her up and fix her. Her green eyes showed everything she wanted to hide and I couldn't keep my heart from exploding.

The day I found her working in the mall only drove the nail of her presence deeper into my chest. Her laugh surrounded my head like a swarm of butterflies, soft and unwavering, uniform and clean. My nerves ached to feel her skin against mine and yet I barely knew her. I took the chance and reached out towards her. The nail had lodged itself so far in by now that there was no way of reversing the feeling. She didn't flinch away, she didn't leave. Instead she melted into the action and imprinted herself into my life.

Her lips are flawless, tracing every curve of her smile perfectly. My craving to feel them against my own, to taste hers was a greater urge than anything I'd ever felt. It was like a wild fire, a small spark at first that burst into flames and burned into every vein in my body. Her lack of hesitation and the overflow of emotion killed me. She was finally mine and there was no turning back.

But the nail she had implanted into my heart shifted sharply at the thought of Ricky. He had her heart first and had still laced every thought she carried. The pain of not meaning as much grew and grew. Each stolen kiss, each tear she cried for him broke me slowly. Ricky Olson rooted himself into the only thing that kept me alive.

Aurora made me feel something new. I thought it was a positive feeling, maybe denial in disguise. I couldn't let go of the thought that maybe I had made a place in her heart but Aurora's presence convinced me otherwise. But her accusing words tore me to shreds as she slowly pulled herself back into the depths of her heart. I wanted to to fix it but I couldn't turn my cheek to the unfair treatment.

The days without her I kept myself alive to suffer more and more. To see her happy with someone who was not me was just salt in the resurrected wound of the past. Those green eyes lusted for someone else, that black hair had fingers other than my own coursing through them, and that pale skin touched a different kind of pale skin. Pale skin that wasn't mine.

I asked her how it felt. I knew it didn't hurt her the way it hurt me. To crave her every fucking day of my life but to resist the urge just to keep her happy. She wanted to move on but I couldn't. And yet she always opened the door for me to step back in. Blaze Roswell has rooted herself into my life mercilessly and doesn't even realize.

I reached reality again and quickly wiped away the tears from my cheek. I stared down at the paper with words scribbled all over it. I read what I wrote and placed the pen at the top of the page. I carved each letter roughly.