We're Finding Hope In The Hopeless

Making A Promise I Wasn't Really Ready To Keep

"You're what." I didn't ask it as a question, more like a statement. Blaze looked at me like she was searching for a different answer but I knew exactly what she said.

She was pregnant. And I might possibly be the father to her child. I could feel the tension coming off of Chris and I wondered if I should run to a safe place or stay put. I took the chance of peeking at his face and it was a deep red. His hands were clenched so tight that his knuckles were straining and looked like they might just pop. I slowly scooted away from him and looked back at Blaze.

"Um, how do you know you're pregnant?" I cleared my throat and felt like I really needed water. Chris was still silent and I could hear the bedroom door creak. I glanced back to see Raven and Claire watching us. Blaze reached to the back of her pants and pulled out something in the shape of a stick. She handed it to me and I could see the blue plus sign still on the screen.

I set it down on the couch next to me for Chris to look at but all he did was glance at it and focus his gaze back on the ground. He was furiously chewing on his lip and I thought he was going to rip out his piercings with his teeth. Blaze got up and placed a hand on his shoulder. He slapped it away and stood up quick.

"So you guys had sex anyways?" He spoke through his teeth and Blaze wiped her eyes. She nodded and reached out for his arm but he pulled away. I rubbed my face and sighed.

"Chris, it was like a spur of the moment thing. And we just went with it. She told me that you knew-"

"She didn't say when." Chris could have physically spit the words at us and it would have burned just as bad. Raven and Claire appeared and stood a safe distance away.

"She hopes it's yours, Chris." Claire whispered quietly and I glared at her. Of course it would be great if it was Chris's baby. But what about me? I was responsible enough. I loved Blaze more than anything and I would love to start a family with her. To be able to make her mine again... Well that was everything I've wanted.

Chris shook his head and stared at the ground. "It doesn't make it okay. You cheated and now you're pregnant and there's a good chance it's not mine."

"But it could be!" Blaze sobbed and held her face.

"But it could not be." Chris mumbled. He left for the bathroom and locked the door. Blaze sobbed and fell onto the couch. I rubbed her back and thought out my words wisely.

"Blaze... If it is mine, I promise to help you with everything. I'll be beside you. Even if it's not mine." Her sobs quieted enough for her to respond.

"Thanks Ricky. But what about Chris? What if it's not yours? You'll be upset. If it is yours, Chris will be upset. I can't win. I can never win." She continued to cry and it made me feel more than awkward. Raven widened her eyes at me and looked at me like I should do something. I shrugged and mouthed, "I don't know what to do."

Of course that earned me a slap on the back from Claire and I sighed before going to the bathroom door and knocking. Chris opened it reluctantly and I motioned for him to follow me outside. He did, which I was surprised, and when we arrived outside, I stayed as far away from the railing and stairs as I could.

"Look, I'm sorry. If it is mine, I promise I'm going to be there for her. I hope it's not mine, no I mean I do- I can't explain it. If it's mine, yay for me. If it's yours, yay for you."

Chris nodded and bit his lip. "I handled that so wrong. I should have supported her. But I didn't..." He paused, "Why can't you get your own girlfriend? Why are you always messing with Blaze?" He sounded pissed and I raised my hands in defense.

"It was her promise. She kept it. And I swear I respected her in every way possible."

Chris made a face and shook his head. "I don't need to know. Whoever's baby it is though... You better take good care of her and the baby... if it's yours."

"So should you!"

"Of course I will."

I rolled my eyes and held out my hand. "I'm sorry."

"Me too." He shook my hand and growled, "Stay away from her though. Don't touch her anymore." He walked away and went back inside. My nerves were on edge so I pulled out a cigarette out and lit it. Raven came out to join me and for the first time ever, asked me for one. I handed the pack to her and continued to watch the cars drive by.

"So how do you feel about possibly being a father?" She stared at the ground and I glanced her way.

"I guess I have to be excited. I think it would be nice to have a baby with Blaze. I do love her. But... I don't know if I'm ready for it." I could see her nod and she smirked.

"Kiss your cigarettes goodbye." She laughed and I joined in. We finished and went back inside. Chris and Blaze were no where to be found but Claire explained that they went to the bedroom to talk. I had hoped that's all they were doing because knowing I might possibly be a father to her child made me very defensive and jealous suddenly.

I couldn't explain why but it was like my butt kicked into high gear. I realized how much I love her and how much I really do want to be with her. Blaze really is my everything. And I was about to fight for her in anyway I could.