We're Finding Hope In The Hopeless

You Can't Make The Past Go Away

I sprayed my hair one last time to get the persistent stray hairs to stay down. Claire knocked and walked in beside me to check her makeup. We smiled in satisfaction and carefully walked downstairs. I hadn't worn my combat boots ever since I found out I was pregnant and today was the first day I finally put them back on. I slipped into the passengers seat and tightened the seatbelt over my growing stomach. I was now three and a half months pregnant and it was definitely showing.

I was mentally preparing myself for the crowd of people that would fuss over me as we pulled into the driveway of Balz's house. He was throwing a party for absolutely nothing but fun. Ricky held my hand as we walked into the house and Balz came over to hug us. He hugged me last and made a big deal of my stomach.

"Damn, you're huge!" He placed his hands on the side of my stomach and Ricky laughed.

"She's only going to get bigger."

"How far along are you?" Kylie walked up us and Ghost tagged along.

I looked down and smiled. "Three and a half months." People I didn't know came around and mumbled congratulating words to Ricky and I and I smiled sheepishly. We finally broke away from the crowd and I sat on the couch while Ricky got me some water.

The front door opened and Chris walked in wearing his 'Blackcraft' shirt with solid black jeans. His hair covered his face slightly and he brushed it back behind his ear. He threw on a genuine smile as he said hello to everyone and my heart dropped to it's feet. Before he could notice me, I made my way upstairs to the bathroom.

I locked the door and slid down to the floor. I hadn't been sick in a long time but suddenly my stomach flipped and I quickly crawled to the toilet. Every time I thought I was done, my stomach proved me wrong, like it was trying to make me suffer for every moment I had hurt Chris. I leaned against the sink and rinsed my mouth out before unlocking the door and walking back downstairs. I heard a slight gasp as I appeared back downstairs and Ricky ran over to me.

"Blaze, are you okay?"

"I don't know..." I whispered and held my stomach again. I could barely keep my eyes open but they stayed open long enough to glance at Chris. His body looked tense, like he wanted to jump up and help me but his face said otherwise. He looked at my stomach, dislike passing by but later being replaced with wonder.

That was the last straw.

I mustered up enough strength to grab Chris's hand and lead him outside. We barely had made it outside before he pulled away from me. I stared in disbelief at the force and he scowled at me before shaking his head.

"I'm not doing this with you, Blaze."

"Chris, please-"

"No. I'm over this. Please just leave me alone. It's over. We're friends."

"Don't say we're friends, please."

"We are." He paused. "And that's it."

I looked down at the ground and reached out towards him. He backed away slightly and he gave me an apologetic look before walking back inside. I clenched my hands tightly and held in the tears. If that's how Chris wanted to play, then fine. I've tried to fix everything between us and each time he's run away. I wiped my eyes and walked inside with a smile on my face. People had busied themselves with conversation and I found Ricky taking pictures with Vinnie. He quickly stood up and Vinnie began to walk away.

"You can stay." I smiled in his direction.

"What happend?" Ricky whispered in my ear and I shrugged.

"We're friends." I forced the words and held my smile. Ricky seemed to accept it and kissed my cheek. I walked away to a group of people and decided to leak this fun for all it was worth.

* * * * *

We arrived home late and I had managed to maintain a smile all day. This was the second time I had decided to sleep in my clothes. I didn't even bother to wash off my make up.

It was nearing dawn when my eyes finally closed. But not without releasing a few tears. I sobbed softly and covered my mouth to keep quiet.

How could he? How could Chris just throw me away like that? Like I never existed, like I was never his girlfriend, like I never meant anything to him.

I turned over and nearly suffocated myself with my pillow. I guess I sobbed loud enough for Ricky to hear because I felt him wrap his arms around my waist and pull me closer to him. He whispered comforting words but it only made everything hurt worse. I was crying over someone who wanted nothing to do with me while right next to me I had someone who would give the world to see me smile.

My crying finally subsided and Ricky kissed my tear stained cheek. A weird feeling passed in my chest and I knew that at that moment, I accepted the fact that Chris and I were through.