We're Finding Hope In The Hopeless

I Am Human And I Need To Be Loved

The ball bounced against the spot that I had been staring at for hours. Everyone had gone home except me. I locked myself away in Ricky's room and refused to come out. What was there to come out for? I had nobody now. I had pushed everyone away. I was in this all alone now but I'd find a way to make the best of it. I bounced the ball again when I heard a small knock.

"Go away." I said loudly.

"It's my room." Ricky's voice was muffled as he tried to speak through the door. I sighed; he was right. But I didn't want to leave. I groaned and rolled out of bed to unlock the door. I opened it and Ricky stared at me blankly.

"Do you finally want to tell me what happened with you and Chris?" His eyes flickered down to my stomach and I rolled my eyes before attempting to shut the door again. He had already skillfully put his foot in the doorway and the door bounced back before I could close it. Knowing it was no use, I walked away and sat on the bed. Ricky followed and kneeled down in front of me.

"Before I tell you," I began, "I want you to explain Aurora."

He blinked slow and avoided my eyes. "She's my sister." He mumbled.

"Since when." I shot.

"Since she was born." He sighed and rubbed his nose. "My mom left when I was really young and went off to some community, one of those hippie things. She was pregnant with her and Aurora found out one day and found me. That's how we met."

I searched his face for more but I didn't find anything. "So why'd you keep that from me?"

"I didn't. I barely found out." He sounded annoyed and I looked away. There was a silence and I jumped at his touch when he had brushed his fingers over my thigh.

"So tell me what happened." He looked at me and I sighed.

"Balz told me that Aurora and Chris kissed on tour so I discussed it with him and some things were said that shouldn't have been and so I felt that maybe we shouldn't date anymore." I twirled the hand sized ball between my hands before Ricky quickly grabbed it and threw it across the room. He got up to sit beside me.

"What was said?"

I rolled my eyes. "Do I have to tell you?"

"Yes."

"I knew I shouldn't have been mad at him but I was. And he told me I should keep my legs closed. So that's what made me decide to call things off."

Ricky shifted and I glanced at him to see that he had his face in his hands. "What else?" He mumbled into his hands.

"What else? Nothing." He looked at me and I looked away. "He still thinks the baby is yours." That made Ricky get up and walk to the window. He stared out of it and I sighed at the threat of tears. The room continued to stay silent.

"Do you not want it to be yours?" I finally whispered.

"I do. Just... You and Chris were perfectly fine before I ruined everything. This is all my fault. I should have told-" he cut himself off.

"You should have told me what?"

"Nothing." He said quickly. I knew it was a lie and so did he.

"Tell me."

"I should have told you to stay with Chris." I knew he was making up the words on the spot.

"Tell me." I said louder. He sighed and turned around to face me.

"I knew about the kiss. I already had gotten mad about it."

My heart shattered into pieces. He knew? And kept it from me? What was with the secrets lately?

"You knew?" I whispered quietly.

"Blaze, we all thought we could just move on from it."

"You knew. And no one told me."

"Blaze-"

I left the room, stopping him mid-sentence. I finally found my way to the car and got inside. I was about to pull away when Ricky got in the passenger side.

"Listen to me-"

"Get out of my car."

"Blaze listen-"

"Get out of my car!"

"Just fucking listen for once! You never let anyone talk!" Ricky's eyes were on fire and my blood ran cold. This was the first time that Ricky had ever gotten mad in a long time. I turned off the engine and sat back.

"Fine. Talk." I stared out the windshield and he sighed.

"I'm sorry... This is all too much to handle. First off, you need to talk to Chris. Second, we didn't tell you to protect you. Lately you've been a firecracker when it comes to upsetting things. For fuck's sake, you stabbed my ice cream to death."

I bit my lip to contain my laughter but a few giggles escaped anyway. Ricky smiled and he knew he had won.

"You're right." I whispered. "I'll fix this. Thank you Ricky." I placed my hands on the sides of his face and pulled him closer for a kiss. I held his face tight enough that his cheeks made his lips pucker like a fish causing us to laugh in the midst of the kiss. We broke apart and he smiled before going back inside the house.

Once again, I was determined to fix things with Chris. Baby or not, I loved him and through everything we'd been through together, there was no way we'd separate that easily.