We're Finding Hope In The Hopeless

What Doesn't Destroy You, Leaves You Broken Instead

I finished packing the last of Ricky's clothing and lugged the bag down to the car. I made it back inside and laid down beside him. He was rubbing Scarlett's back as she clung to him for dear life in her sleep. She had a smile on her face so I leaned over and kissed her head.

"Ready?" I asked and brushed away a bit of Ricky's hair. His gray eyes stared into my green ones and I knew he didn't want to go.

"I guess so." He picked Scarlett up and she groaned in her sleep.

"Daddy?"

"Daddy has to go now. He'll be back in a couple months." I took her in my arms and smiled sadly at Ricky. He sighed and held us close.

"I promise I'll be back. You'll see me play when I visit our city. Promise you'll be there, Scar?" Ricky kissed her hair and she giggled.

"Yeah, Mommy said we're going. We're still going, right Mommy?" She looked up at me with her big blue eyes.

"Of course we are. Let's go take Daddy to work now."

The three of us walked downstairs, hand in hand, to the car. I helped Scarlett get into the backseat and adjusted the seat belt strap to fit her growing body. She four now, soon to be five, and it made me tear up to see how much she was changing.

The ride to the airport was quiet and I held Ricky's hand the whole time. He was leaving for another tour again, this time without me. We both tried to play it positive for Scarlett, but I was having a hard time.

Last night, I was crying in the bathroom and had to come up with an excuse when Scarlett found me.

"Mommy, why are you crying?" She placed her small hand on my cheek and it made me cry even harder.

"Oh, I'm just so happy for your dad." I lied to her.

I blinked away the tears as I slowed down the car to turn off the ramp. The signs of airport parking were everywhere and I chewed my lip nervously.

"Blaze, it's okay. I'll be back."

I glanced in the rear view mirror to see Scarlett completely occupied by what was outside the window.

"I know, Ricky. But... I'll miss you." I looked at him and his pale face looked sad. We both knew why I was so upset. I found out that I'm pregnant again. And raising a daughter and being pregnant with another child all by myself, was not something I was looking forward to.

We got out the of car and grabbed all his belongings. Scarlett jumped off Ricky's back when she saw Balz waiting with the rest of the band.

"Joshie!" She yelled across the floor and I laughed at how excited she was. I said hello to everyone else- Ghost, Vinny, Chris, and Ryan. Claire was sobbing all over him and he looked really annoyed.

"We just got married and you're leaving again?" She pouted her perfect lip and stared at his face.

"I mean, it is my job." Ryan stated.

"Claire, you can always come over and stay with me." I smiled at her and held out my arms for a hug. She gladly took it and Ryan smiled a thank you to me.

"How's the baby so far?" Claire brought up the subject and everyone looked at me.

"Great. Six weeks along." I patted the tiny bump on my stomach that most people confused with bloating. Their flight was announced and Scarlett, Claire and I hugged everyone goodbye. Chris kissed my cheek and Scarlett's and I held his hand.

"She'll miss you." I whispered.

"I know." He mouthed back. They left with no further words even though Claire still sobbed out Ryan's name. Chris and Scarlett had become very close since the last tour I went on, about 4 years ago. She considered him her second father and it burned me to know the irony behind that. They were like two best friends. They went nearly everywhere together. Ricky and I had even let her stay the night with Chris sometimes.