You can't break up with a soul mate [a love story in poetic verse]

75 | reality

the reality is I ignored that little voice
kept telling my guts to take a hike
my ego wants what it wants
but there is this constant battle
this drowning.

I strung my love on a string
broke the string
watched it shatter
fall apart
I was hunched over
under the table
trying to get all the pieces
but some went under the fridge
some disappeared under the cupboards
David yelled at me again
for breaking his reading glasses

for not parking the car just right
slowly
there were these rays of darkness
blaming me for things

I felt guilty again
guilty for everything
nothing.

I am not a fighter
or a yeller
I was knee deep in regret

regret of all the moves
that brought me to this place
before Christmas
before my dreams
before David went on one knee
in the middle of breakfast
five days before Christmas

will you marry me?

yes

I said

with the intention of saying no

but
I was going to make this
happen
It was this marriage
or being alone
for the rest of my life
without Jared.