You can't break up with a soul mate [a love story in poetic verse]

129 | across the ocean

ten messages
I can be there next week
I have 3 days before I go to Italy for a meeting
I can't stop
thinking
about
being 
with
y
o
u

I threw my phone on the bed
in other words

I just want to have sex with you

my guts told me the biggest mistake was to tell him yes
my heart was screaming don't do it.

It's going to be five years of this
back and forth
love affair
of the mind, heart, body and soul.

When would it end?
it was in my hands
he seemed to never want to say goodbye to
me
the hardest thing is to leave someone you love
or being with someone
who only sees you one way
who only wants you in hotel rooms
and not real bedrooms
to settle for crumbs
and not the whole loaf.

I seriously needed therapy.

One more time
to be the last time
three days
of being alone with him.

I felt his energy across
the ocean.

Why did I have to be an empath?
Couldn't I be normal
and cut off my feelings
be a cold hearted bitch
say goodbye
and never look back.

Why did I have to care
about someone
who only cares about himself?

I started to type
which day  can you come?
then I deleted the message.

I wrote another reply
deleted
I did that for a few minutes
until I felt I was losing my mind
shut my phone
and cried
all alone.