You can't break up with a soul mate [a love story in poetic verse]

177 | i did not jump

all day i was thinking about jumping
right back into Jared

then the wanting passed
and I survived it

I did workshops upon workshops
I was on my fourth one
I had  three days left

I loved the girls
the sky
the ocean
the freedom here

all I felt was dread
to go back home
to the darkness of my apartment

I could feel myself choking

Can you help me find a place to rent?

Thanos nodded
Of course.
What are you looking for?

An apartment with a view.
I want to have a view of the ocean

You might as well stay in the Airbnb he joked

Too expensive

I know, I was kidding,  I will ask around
we can also ask Taki, the real estate agent

I laughed
So he's the man

Yeah, he knows every landlord and project out there.

I wondered if leaving Connecticut
had anything to do with Jared

maybe it did
maybe it didn't

what I did know
-he may have lied to me
but the attraction between un was real
-i loved him
-i trusted him with my body, my heart, my soul, yet

i did not trust him at all
-i ignored my guts
-i made him up inside my mind
-i was questioning the word soul mates

-i let the truth slide
-i ignored all the signs
-the list never ends

I have to stop thinking

How can I stop thinking? I asked Thanos

By living.

I can see you are not over your ex
but everything takes time
and patience
especially falling out of love

you need to fall in love with yourself first
before you can possibly love someone

imagine being loved
the way you love

close your eyes
and focus on that

not the past
because if he gave  you what you needed

not sexually
but spiritually

             you would not even be here
asking me
            you are truly a remarkable woman

          stay mindful
remember to meditate every morning or evening

or both

listening to Thanos was like listening to poetry

in my mind his words turned into poems

once you master that
you can start meditating while you walk

our next class is tomorrow morning
we are taking a meditative walk along the water

be in front of my studio at 5 a.m.

That early?

Yes, and no drinking alcohol tonight

the best thing you can do for yourself, Dalia
is to stay away from all toxins
and alcohol is the worst one

have you ever stopped drinking?

no

let's walk along the water first
one step at a time.