The wedding itself was the beginning of a nightmare. During the wedding preparations, Namjoon tried his best to keep his frustrations to himself. You noticed he was very quiet and reluctant about the whole thing but you told yourself he was only surprised. Namjoon didn't want to put the blame on you and so he tried not to show how much he hated the idea of getting married even if it was fake.
But he could only pretend until the wedding because after he said 'yes' it dawned on him that there was no going back.
The end of the long year ahead of him felt like an eternity away.
Namjoon became a whole different person. The sweet man you knew turned cold. Going into this marriage you knew that you couldn't expect him to be all lovey-dovey with you but you had hoped for him to warm up or at least be like his usual self around you. It felt as if your friendship had died within the blink of an eye.
On your wedding night, Namjoon slept on the couch. You hadn't expected him to make love to you but you also hadn't expected this.
His coldness grew by day and it began to consume you all.
He would claim to have work and stay in his office until late into the night. At home, he would then sleep on the couch, telling you he hadn't wanted to wake you up even though you knew he just didn't want to sleep next to you.
As you were setting the breakfast table you had once talked to him about it.
"Why are you always sleeping on the couch?" you asked, not looking at him.
"Oh- uhh.." he stuttered, "I come home late and I don't want to wake you up."
"That's fine, I fall back asleep easily. You can come to bed, I really don't mind" you said, wanting to actually tell him that you wanted to have him beside you.
"It's okay, I mean we are not actually wife and husband. No need to push it" he stated in a sharp tone, putting you in your place.
"O-of course" you gulped, "I just didn't want you to feel uncomfortable."
Namjoon sighed, feeling guilty for what he said but at the same time not understanding why he felt guilty when he literally owed you nothing.
This went on like this. You tried to express your love with subtle actions.
For instance bringing lunch to his office when you knew he had a busy schedule or buying books that you knew he will like and leaving them on the coffee table in your living room. You weren't that desperate to throw yourself at him but it was hard from time to time to contain yourself. One time he had gotten sick and stayed home. He was laying on the couch, feeling exhausted. You made him some chicken soup and prepared his medicines. Taking the tray to the living room you saw that he had fallen asleep. Seeing him like that, something inside you melted. You sat on the edge of the couch and watched him for a while. Your fingers were itching to touch him. You wanted to push his hair out of his face and gently caress his cheek.
He shifted in his sleep and you adjusted the blanket on him, making sure he was covered well. As you went to move your hand away, you just couldn't. Your fingers gently removed his hair from his face and then glided down to cup his cheek. Your heart felt heavy as you held him. Why couldn't you just pull him in your arms? Namjoon stirred awake and once he came to his senses he immediately pushed your hand away rather harshly. Completely taken aback and humiliated, you looked at him with regretful eyes.
"What are you doing?" he only asked you.
"Take your medicine and have some soup" you responded before you got up and left the room. That night you cried yourself to sleep.
NAMJOON: Unrequited
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