- desire

27. perfect , j. richards

trigger warning !
— mentions of an eating disorder

y/n's pov

i stared at the screen, the comments of my new tik tok flowing in. it was about body positivity, so i of course was showing off my body that i wasn't very fond of.

i was very skinny, struggling with an eating disorder i have had for years now. social media didn't know, only close family and friends. most of the comments were sweet, but then there was the gathering that was cruel and painful to read.

"stick"
"josh could do better"
"eat something for your own good"

i felt my eyes prick with tears, wanting nothing but to be cured from my disorder. josh told me i was perfect and he was proud of me, but at moments like this it was very hard to believe.

as my tears started flowing more, i heard footsteps coming up the stairs, getting closer to josh and i's room.

"i love your new tik tok babe" josh announced, opening the door.

once he looked at me, taking notice of my teary face and phone in my hand, he quickly shut the door and came over to me.

"baby you're okay" josh told me, gently picking up my fragile body and placing me on his lap, taking the phone out of my hand.

"i try my hardest and it doesn't pay off" i quietly said, wiping the tears that wouldn't stop trickling down my face.

"it does pay off. you have done so good with eating lately and i'm so proud of you. you are getting stronger by the day" he told me, gliding his fingers through my hair and pushing it out of my face.

"why cant i see that though?" i hiccuped on my tears, leaning my head against his shoulder.

"maybe because you got used to seeing yourself like this or just because you don't want to believe it."

josh gently kissed my temple, continuing to run his fingers through my hair. i didnt like him seeing me like this, crying over something i can't control.

"i know you don't see a perfect body in your eyes but i do. i know how much you want to be okay and how much you struggle but i'm so proud of how far you have come."

he lightly leaned my body forward, wanting to see my face. i looked at him, a sad smile on his face as he looked at me.

"you're perfect and i love you, okay?" he kissed my head, cheek, and then my lips.

"i love you"

authors note ||
— i don't really like this ):