- desire

22. seperation anxiety , p. moormeier

y/n's pov

payton and i have spent the last three years of dating together almost everyday. we were best friends. for the past two months, payton has been on tour. i haven't hugged, kissed, or seen him in two months. yes we call, but that's not the same. it's really hard for me, hard enough that i developed separation anxiety.

charli has been living with me in payton and i's apartment to help me cope. i cry almost every night after we call, i'm anxious all day, i struggle sleeping. it's all a big mess when payton isn't here. he doesn't know this, at least i don't think he does. i haven't mentioned it because i don't want him to feel bad.

recently, my anxiety has gotten worse. i started trapping myself in this hole of sadness. i'll look at pictures of payton and i which lead to panic attacks, i barely sleep anymore because i can't get him off my mind and how he isn't here with me. every little thing triggers me now. i'm struggling, i just want him back.

payton's pov

"hold on, charli is calling me." i say to the boys, getting up and walking into the other room to answer the call.

"hey" she says into the phone

"hey, what's up?"

"has y/n said anything about her mental state lately to you?" she asked me.

"no, why? is she okay?" i was concerned.

"yes, well no. she has terrible separation anxiety now, and it's getting worse."

"what's happening?"

"she's barely sleeping, has panic attacks almost every day, she's just always so anxious. it was just missing you but it's escalated."

my heart broke hearing that y/n was working herself that much. she never did things like this, so she really was struggling.

"she hasn't told me any of this."

"she didn't want to worry you, but i cant let you not know any longer." charli tells me.

"well, thank you. keep her sane, i'm gonna buy a ticket back. i've been gone long enough."

"okay, i'm sorry."

"don't be sorry, she's top priority."

we talked for a few more minutes before we hung up. i walked back into the main room and got on my laptop.

"what are you doing?" jackson asks me.

"y/n has bad separation anxiety and struggling mentally, i'm talking off the rest of tour to go help her."

i hear some "aw's" and sighs, but y/n comes first. yes, tour is amazing but so is y/n.

2 days later, y/n's pov

"i'm going to pick up a few things, you okay staying here for a little bit alone?" charli asks me, standing at my door.

"yeah, it's okay."

she smiles then walks out, shutting my door behind her. i sigh, rolling over where my back is facing the door. i just stared out the window, my mind running like crazy.

after staring for a second, i hear my door open.

"did you forget something?" i ask, just figuring it was charli.

"nope." i hear a familiar voice say, then arms wrap around me.

i jolt up, turning around to face no one other than payton. he smiles, then opens his arms up. i wrap my arms around his neck, finally back in his arms. tears escape my eyes as his hands run up and down my back.

"you're okay, i'm here now." he tells me.

we stay in the hug for a minute, taking in the two months lost of hugging. once we pull away, he smiles at me, wiping my tears before placing a long kiss on my lips.

"i missed you so much." i tell him, drying my face.

"i missed you too baby." he pulled me into him, his arms wrapping around my waist.

"what are you doing here?" i ask.

"charli told me about your separation anxiety. i'm so sorry i left you, if i knew it would affect you that much i wouldn't have gone." he tells me, rubbing my arm.

"this is why i didn't tell you, i didn't want you to worry. i'm okay."

"baby you aren't okay. i know about your panic attacks and not sleeping and everything else. you know i would have come back if you told me." he says.

"but i didn't want you to waste your time. you deserve to be out there doing what you love." i sigh.

"maybe, but doing what i love also means caring for you. loving you. being with you. you are top priority, not wasted time. doing what i love shouldn't mean you suffer."

"i'm sorry." i hug him tighter.

"there's nothing to be sorry for. i'm not going back to tour, i was gone for too long. i'm here now. i love you so much." he peppers kisses on my forehead.

"i love you. thank you."

"of course baby."

authors note ||
— i wrote this like a month or two ago. i don't know how i feel about it but i love payton