- desire

16. sad song , z. lugo

zack's pov

i watched as the girl i loved slowly fell into a hole. a hole of sadness, depression, guilt. every night i would comfort her, telling her the reasons to stay alive. i don't know if she believed them, but it was all i could give.

as i was walking past our bedroom, i heard her talking to her mom, just not in real life. her parents had passed away in a car crash when she was fifteen, and her older sister left her for drugs.

"i wrote this about my feelings. i'm probably going to cry but oh well. i know you won't judge me when you hear the lyrics." she sighed, starting to strum on her guitar strings.

" If you see the girl I used to be
Could you tell her that I'd like to find her
And if you see the shell that's left of me
Could you spare her a little kindness
'Cause I've been high and I've been low
I've spent a thousand nights alone, tryna hold on tight
And feelings come but they won't go
Please won't someone take me home before I lose my mind"

i felt the tears wanting to start, my heart breaking at the lyrics. y/n had a gift of song writing, an angelic voice. she put it to use, but some of her songs really show how desperate for happiness she is.

"Am I broken?
Am I flawed?
Do I deserve a shred of worth or am I
Just another fake, fucked up lost cause?
And am I human?
Or am I something else?
'Cause I'm so scared and there's no one there
To save me from the nightmare that I call myself"

i heard her voice break, letting me know the tears had began. as for i also, a tear rolled down my face as i rested my head on the doorframe.

"I've tried everything and anything
But nothing seems to work quite like it should
Between the madness and the apathy
Seems there's nothing left inside of me that's good
'Cause I've been high and I've been low
I've spent a thousand nights alone, tryna hold on tight
And feelings come but they won't go
Please won't someone take me home before I lose my mind"

as the words came out her mouth, the more and more i knew how much she was hurting. she knew i was there for her every step of the way, and i have been for the last three years of dating. i just don't know if she believes it.

"Am I broken?
Am I flawed?
Do I deserve a shred of worth or am I
Just another fake, fucked up lost cause?
And am I human?
Or am I something else?
'Cause I'm so scared and there's no one there
To save me from the nightmare that I call my-self"

she sang the last verses quietly, the one broken cry coming out of her at the end. i sighed, walking in and next to the girl.

i moved her guitar, then gently picked up the fragile girl, placing her in my lap. she clung onto me like a lost child, fighting for survival. she broke down in my arms, her arms wrapped around my neck.

i rubbed her back, kissing her shoulder as tears left my eyes too. she was trying so hard. i knew she was, and she could continue.

"shh." i whispered, her breathing and crying slowly settling.

"i- i just want to be okay. i'm so scared." she told me, finally able to talk.

"i know, i know. what are you scared about baby?" i asked quietly, tightening my grip on her waist.

"losing you." she faintly whispered, "you're all i have left. i don't even have myself."

i shuttered at the words, feeling terrible.

"you aren't going to lose me. i need you to believe that. i'm going to be here for you forever. i promise." i told her

"i know you are hurting, badly. i wish i could take it all away. i hate seeing you go through this, but i cant wait for the day i get to see you be happy."

"if that day comes." y/n mumbled.

"it will baby. it will. for now, it's you and me. i'm always your shoulder to cry on, and i'm always here." i picked her head up gently, meeting her teary yet flawless face.

i wiped her cheeks, looking into her eyes. you could see the brokenness, the sadness.

"it's going to be okay." i whispered, holding her cheeks with my hands.

she nodded, slowly. i kissed her forehead, holding it for a few seconds before meeting her eyes again.

"i love you more than you will ever know." i rubbed her face with my thumb, letting her know i cared.

"i love you more than that." she answered quietly, leaning down and gently kissing my lips before hugging me again.

she was strong. she just didn't know it. yet.

authors note ||
— the song is "broken" by anson seabra with the pronouns changed to she/her <3