Haunted by You (Brendon Urie)

Baby

*SMUT WARNING*
*skip to next charter if you don't want to read*
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What the fuck did you just do?

What the fuck is wrong with you? Why the fuck would you even say that Kat?

I could feel my breathing start to increase and the sinking feeling inside my stomach. I literally feel like I had just been punched in the gut. And I deserve this pain. So I didn't move or squirm, or try to get out of it. I deserve this pain and embarrassment.

I promised myself I would not do this to him. I am the only friend he has and I have the nerve to tell him that I have feelings for him. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I was so wrong. I don't deserve beautiful things. I deserve ugly things. I deserve pain and gruesome things. I am so selfish. How could I do this to him?

I know I couldn't help it. I know that I cannot change the way that I feel about him. But what I could change, was him knowing that. I could have avoided him a lifetime of paranoia and fulfilled him with a lifetime of friendship and wholesomeness. I let him down.

I always let everyone down.

Typical Kat.

He was standing in the corner of my small living room, seemingly hidden in the shadows. I could see his eyes wide and his lips gently parted. I could tell from the movements of his chest that his breath's were now starting to get heavy. I was expecting him to leave like he always does. I was expecting him to disintegrate into thin air and never look my way again.

He wasn't saying a word. But I can tell his mind was racing. He just stood there taking, deep breath's while his fingers slowly twitched.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me I never should've said that." I rushed out. My voice sounded so soft and scared. It match exactly how I was feeling on the inside.

"Why shouldn't you have said that? You don't mean it?" He said slowly in a scared tone. He was grinding his teeth.

What do I do? Do I lie? Do I just give in and tell him the truth? I don't know what to do. I feel so small. I feel like I'm being cornered.

"No- I do. I just feel like we were better off without you knowing. I'm so sorry." I could barely even meet his gaze when I said that. I was so embarrassed. I was so defeated. We were having such a good time getting to know each other and I just had to ruin it. I know he hates me. He's never going to forgive me.

"I don't agree." He spoke.

I borrowed my eyebrows. I didn't really understand what exactly he had meant by that. So he preferred to know that I had feelings for him?

Before my mind even had the chance to wander any further, the inches between us were shrinking.

Next thing I knew, Brendon's lips were on mine. His hands caressing the back of my neck and gripping them softly.

At first I was completely shocked. I was so tense. But as soon as I had realized what was going on a wave of relief had to rush through me. The butterflies were now awake inside my stomach and they were fluttering to and fro. Jolts of electricity running through my body making me feel more alive than ever before. Is this what truly living feels like?  

His lips danced across mine. They felt so soft and tasted so sweet. He felt so good pressed up against me. This was a feeling I had never felt before. I felt so wanted, almost needed. He held me so tight as if he wanted me inside of him. As if he needed me inside him.

Our tongues gazed across each other as I let my hands roam around the back of his neck into his hair. Kissing him felt so easy. It felt like I had known how to do it my entire life. It was if our lips were meant for each other.