Haunted by You (Brendon Urie)

Fucking Fucker

"I am so sorry. I fell asleep. I feel horrible. Let's reschedule something for later tonight. I am so so sorry." My phone chimed. It was a message from Brian.

I was slumped on my couch, still full from devouring my waffle. I scarfed that thing down within seconds. I'm pretty sure I blacked out from all the anxiety devouring my brain. Aggressive eating therapy is my specialty.

I read the words that were on my phone screen and my head was filled with this feeling of annoyance. Stupidty.

I knew I was right. I knew I was an idiot for thinking I had a chance with him.

Besides that, what the fuck happened at the bathroom in Waffle House? Who the hell was the previous, sweet smelling old lady, June? Where the hell did she venture off to? Or should I say disintegrate?

"Why won't you talk to me?" Said a furrowed Brendon from the corner of my living room.

"I am talking to you." I demanded.

"No, talking to me about what's wrong."

"You already know what's wrong, Bren!" I exclaimed.

"Well, which is it? Brian? Or sweet old ghost lady?" He huffed my way, furrowing his brow.

"A combination of both?" I said quizzically.

I felt a slight wave of happiness wash through me, because with everything going on I didn't have to think about me and Bren very much. Of course, there is no such thing as me and Bren. But, you know what I mean. It was nice not to stress about that for once.

"Well, for starters Kat, don't stress over Brian too much. He isn't worth it. He may text you this long paragraph saying that he is "so sorry" and that it was an "accident", but it wasn't." He reached out at touched my arm. He felt so cold, like always. But at the same time his touch feels so warm and comforting. Every time he touches me it is so tempting not to take my clothes off and let him have his way with me right there.

What the fuck am I even talking about? I just said that I was so happy I didn't have to think about this. Let's just keep it that way. He is just being sincere and friendly. I need to appreciate that.

"You aren't his priority. Why would you wanna be with somebody that doesn't prioritize you?  I mean, come on. Do you wanna end up like me and Sarah?" He seemed to wince everytime he said her name. "Don't ignore these red flags." He ended.

I thought for a moment. "Who stopped loving who first?" I eyed him.

"Me and Sarah?"

"Yes." I replied.

"Sarah, obviously. I never thought a day in my life that she would cheat on me." I could see the pain in his eyes. I shouldn't have brought this up. "I wasn't even ready for marriage. But for her I made myself ready for it. So of course she must've stopped loving me first." He looked like he was lost in thought. "I don't know. But if I could guess, it would be Sarah."

"Does a part of you still love her now?" I wasn't even sure if I really wanted to know the answer to this question. I don't know why I am bringing it up, either. I guess talking about my love life made me more curious about his previous love life. Maybe I just wanted to see if we could relate on anything. I should stop bringing it up, I can tell this is hurting him.

"Sarah herself, no. The Sarah I married is not the woman Sarah is now. And I have moved on from her. The only thing that I still love are the memories. We had a good life before it turned into all this chaos." He seemed so fragile. "What she did to me made me hate her. So yes, I love what our life was before she cheated. But I do not love her. And I will never forgive her. And, that is okay, because there are other beautiful things in this world that I can love. There are things out there that will not hurt me." Our eye locked and I felt a chill run down my spine. "Sarah was just a lesson. Nothing more."