Haunted by You (Brendon Urie)

I love you too.

My eyes fluttered open, my eyelids carrying the weight of a thousand cities. I needed rest. this was good for me. This was the only good thing going for me at the moment.

Syd and I waited until the sun had gone down for anything to happen. Nothing happened. We waiting on the corner lot, biting nails and twiddling our thumbs. We were so anxious for anything to happen. 

Once the sun had gone down, and drifted off to sleep, we deciding to find a place for us to sleep as well.

We called ahead and made reservation at a near by hotel.

Once we arrived and got settled in, I once again found my self clinging for anything to happen. For an amber alert to be sent out reading :"KAT IF YOU ARE READING THING I AM COMING FOR YOU." Or, there would be a knock at the door, and when I opened it, standing before me would be Brendon. He would be sweaty and shirtless.

It's my dream okay? I can picture it how I want to okay?

My head was buzzing with hope. It was stinging with anticipation.

I needed a distraction. My brain needed to focus on something else right now. I pulled my phone out and opened the Instagram icon. The first thing that popped up was a picture of Brian. He was standing near this lake holding a fishing pole, with the caption "#living". He did look so handsome. His hair was highlighted by the shine from the sun. He was flashing those 'oh so perfect' teeth of his. I began to wonder, what would have happened between us if Brendon wasn't my soulmate? Would I have forgiven him for standing me up? Would I have been there with him fishing? Would he have been the guy I ended up losing my virginty to? 

I shook that thought away. The thought of having someone else's hands all over my body, other than Bren, makes my stomach turn.

I don't know. I will never know. All I know, is that I tried. I tried to fall for him. I tried to really get to know him and create something serious with him. Something more serious than this silly crush. But, it never worked. Bren, would always come to mind. It was like the harder I tried to pull away from Bren, the deeper I fell.

I snapped back to reality and saw an image that shocked me to my core.

It was a post from Brendon. It was him and Sarah. They were cuddled next to their fire place with Bogart and Penny. They were all facing the fire, so all I could really see was the silhouette of the four of them. They looked so cozy. It all looked so real. The caption to the post was : "I love you endlessly."

RAGE! Rage built up inside of me. Tear began to sting my eyes. That should be me. I know he despises that woman. I know that. He deserve so much more than her. I hate that he constantly has to live inside this world that is constantly pretending. Maybe, that is why he loved pretending so much with me. He didn't know how to express his feelings any other way. He is so stuck inside this world of pretending, that it has become all he knows. 

My poor Bren, I'm so sorry.

My eye felt like they were piercing a hole through my phone.

"Stop looking at that shit. You know he doesn't love her. Stop making yourself so miserable." Sydney, who was laying on the side of me, spoke while nudging me slightly.

"It's not that. I know he's hurting. I know he hates his life being stuck in that marriage. There's nothing I can do. I just have to watch from the outside in." I complained.

"Just be patient. He's got to find the book and he's gonna come back to you. He loves you. Not that manipulative bitch." She said with a grin. I guess she was expecting me to laugh. Sadly I was in no mood to laugh.

I began to remember the last thing I had ever said to Bren. "I love you."

"Well he never actually said it back to me so I don't know if he loves me." I sighed.