Haunted by You (Brendon Urie)

Death of me.

Brendon Urie was standing in front of me.

I'm serious.

I don't think you quite comprehend how much of a big deal this is for me. My insides are aching because all I want to do is scream and hug him. I want to prance around the room yelling about how amazing this moment is.

In this surreal moment I felt as if the earth had completely stopped spinning on its axis. I built up this accusation of him inside my brain. This accusation told me he was not real. Or better yet I wasn't worthy of his company. Standing next to him made me feel so belittled as a person.

I know the moment when you are supposed to meet your idol, you are supposed to cry and freak out. There are supposed to be butterflies in my stomach and a smile on my face. I am supposed to feel like I'm floating on air. But that's the problem, I don't.

It wasn't like I was at a meet and greet or anything. He didn't have a smile plastered on his face with arms swung open to hug the fan. He had a torn and terrified look on his face. His face was cherry red from the strain of him yelling. I saw in those deep dark brown eyes water building up but just not reaching over the surface. He was breathing heavily as if gasping for air. He was shaken and he looked unsteady. Some how he still managed to look beautiful.

But, mostly he looked confused.

Some thing was wrong with him. I never thought this would be the way I would meet him. My idol.

But besides that point, so many questions were filling into my brain. For a brief second I could've sworn that it was going to burst. Why can't anyone see him? Why can't anyone hear him? Why is he so scared? Why did he ask if I could see him? Why does seeing him like this make me want to cry? Why is he so beautiful? Why is he so perfect? Why is he here? What is going on? IS THIS REAL?

I thought for a moment I saw his lip quiver. Was he going to cry? What did I do to make him cry? Great, just great.

He looked at me once again with a defeated look on his face. "How can you see me?" he asked with every word sounding drained. What is going on?

"I have eyes." I breathed. Is this really happening? Am I really talking to him?

He stared at me in total disbelief. His eyebrows burrowed and his brown eyes widened. It's like he couldn't believe what I was saying.

"You can see me." he mumbled softly. I don't know how I even heard it.

His face switched to concentration. His angelic face was in front of me and his deep dark brown eyes were latched onto mine. Oh, how lucky Sarah is. Does she understand how lucky she is? I always questioned myself that. But now, here, actually seeing that his perfection is real, it would almost madden me if she didn't understand how lucky she has it. She gets to call this beautiful creature in front of me her own. She gets to wake up next to him every morning. She gets to look into those beautiful brown eyes whenever she wants. She knows that he has undying love for her. She's a lucky lady, a very lucky lady.

"You can see me. How?" he said bolder and louder. In videos and interviews you always see this upbeat, happy, and bubbly Brendon. You see the good times. You see him at his happiest moments. I always thought he was a generally happy person. But in this situation, I had never seen him like this. Not in an interview, not in a video, and not at a concert. This is something you kinda hope you never see. Something you don't want to think is true.

But it is.

I don't know how in the world I found words, but I did.

"Because you're standing right in front of me." Does he not understand logic? Does he not understand how eyes work? I don't think I have ever been more confused in my entire life. But, I don't care. He's Brendon Boyd Urie for fuck sakes!