Haunted by You (Brendon Urie)

Hearts.

"Well, I saw you. And, I saw another woman. I-I think she was your mom..? She has dark brown hair, and it seemed like it was lighter on the ends. And, she had these piercing blue eyes. You look like her..." he was using this soft voice to speak to me in this moment. He was playing it safe. He was attempting to bring up a topic like this without hurting me.

I respected him for that.

No one in my family likes to talk about death. They just keep to themselves and move on and worry about their own families.

So no one ever talks about dad anymore. 

I've never gotten closure over the situation. I wish I could be one of the kids that have dealt with a lose and can openly talk about it because they have discovered a way to move past it. 

But i'm not. This conversation is gonna be the hardest thing I had to do in a while. And I just recently had to convince myself that I was talking with a dead person.

"I think you guys were on some sort of fishing trip....is that right?.." he asked quietly.

"yes." I nodded. Just thinking about it is killing me right now.

"I saw you guys by some water. You guys were laughing and having fun. You looked so different..." he said looking at my face, as if trying to find every difference. I wanted to hide myself behind a pillow somewhere, and also hide from this conversation. But, I stayed. He continued "From the looks of it, there is no way you guys could have known."

He let the room stay silent for a second before saying. "I could feel everything you were feeling. I know you felt to blame for what happened. But, it was not your fault. This was no body's fault. Shit just happens Kat. And I'm so sorry that happened to you, but please don't blame yourself." I think that was the most sincerest thing he has ever said to me. 

The breathe escaped my lungs, but I found it and said "I could've pushed harder. I could've told him he needed to go to his checkups, or take his medicine. I should have did more." That was always a guilt that hung high on my shoulders. It still eats at me, every single day.

"No, stop. He was a grown man. He made his own decision Kat. That was not your fault."

I just stared at him. "I waited so long for someone to tell me that." I said. I hope the look I had in my eyes was telling him how grateful I was. I was so relieved that someone finally told me something about my dad. Just having his name brought up as a topic was great enough.

"Well, somebody needed to tell you that." He smiled. Knowing exactly what he had just done for me.

"Thank you, Brendon."

Nothing else was said but the look on his face was enough.

"You saw this in a vision?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess that's what it was. And, look i'm really sorry about what happened a while ago. I don't know what came over me. But, please fucking tell me you felt whatever the fuck I was feeling too." His eyes were glued to mine, waiting for an answer.

"Yeah, I felt it. And," I swallowed hard. "I saw something too."

"Like a vision?" he questioned.

"Yeah, it came out of nowhere." 

"Mine did too! One minute I'm trying to get my dick to calm down, and the next I'm seeing that shit." he gave me a serious look. That seriousness only lasted a second because after we joined in on a small laugh. It felt good to bring humor into this conversation.

Brendon Boyd Urie. Who would've fucking thought?

"What did you see in your vision?" he asked.

I looked at him for a second before saying "I saw you, and Sarah actually..." I was trying to figure out how exactly I was gonna approach this conversation.