Foreign Idol ~ Han Jisung -complete-

#39

{Trigger of feeling worthless and not good enough. Starving and thoughts of death. I will put a warning so please skip if needed.}

I burst through the doors of the studio, only to be welcomed by my teacher screaming at me.

"Why are you late?! I told you next time you're late to class you'll be punished but this is too far!" He was furious.

I continued to bow and say sorry. However, he just wouldn't forgive.

"Bow down. If you're that sorry you will bow down. Get on the ground now!!" He shouted.

Even if I didn't know most of the culture, I know that bowing on the ground was way out of context for this situation. He was being vulgar with his actions. But I couldn't do anything but do as he asked.

I went to the ground and apologised but as I was getting back up, his foot was harshly placed on my head to prevent that.

"Now, you wouldn't want me to get madder then I already am, would you? Stay where you are and be a good girl," he whispered in my ear, while stroking down my back making me feel very uncomfortable.

Han's POV

I followed Maya to her studio from only to find her being yelled at. Going off pure instinct, I recorded the situation. But when his foot went to her head I burst. Still recording, I barged through the doors and pushed the man off of her.

Maya's POV

The man grabbed onto my foot, trying to drag me down towards him. But Jisung kicked him off.

"Stay guard of the door. Don't let him out," Han said to his manager as we walked towards the elevator.

The doors closed and Han immediately hugged me.

"Are you hurt?" He released from the hug and look at my limbs.

"I'm fine, just a little uncomfortable and scared," I said.

Before I knew it we were back this familiar door.

-

It was 10 o'clock and we were watching my dance instructor being escorted out of the building. He was causing very large seen that even got the attention of pedestrians outside. But I couldn't let them see me, at least that's what JYP said for me to do.

It was an agreement I made when I joined the company. No one outside of the company was allowed to see me. It would cause backlash to the entertainment, which I understood. As a K-pop stan myself, it was cool seeing foreign idols especially non Asian idols.  But being the only white trainee in a company that was known to only have Asian or mixed idols could be something that others disliked.

"I will get my revenge! You little brat! You don't belong here! You're weak and talentless, give up already!" The man continued to yell before he was shoved into the car.

"How about we go home?" Ami suggested.

We all agreed and left.

{HERE!!!}

I felt empty.

Something wasn't right about me being here. Everyone was so beautiful. Then there's me, acne, slightly chubby, unattractive and not good enough for what people expect in this industry. I put myself up to this but I don't think I can handle it anymore.

I cried in the corner of my room while everyone eat dinner. Sara had come in prior to ask if I wanted any but I didn't feel like eating. All the comments were giving me a headache, I just lost my appetite. She didn't question the crying as she figure I was just scared about what had happened earlier today.

I crawled onto my bed and sobbed. Not wanting to be there at that moment. I decided that I'd try and call Rohan. They always made me feel better.

*on phone*

Rohan: hey what's up. I miss you
Maya: I miss you too
Rohan: why are you crying?
-I didn't respond.
Rohan: I won't pressure you into saying it but you can always talk to me
Maya: it's hard
-My voice had gone squeaky and quiet.
Maya: I want to go home
Rohan: Maya... may-may, you always dreamed of being where you are now. I don't want you to give up now.
Maya: I don't want to be around anymore. I don't want to exist. They're starving me, but that's a good thing. I'll look like all the other girls soon, the ones that are naturally that way. I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

{DONE!!!}

This time I shouted making the girls burst through the door with worried looks. Ami cam to hug me and I gladly excepted it and Yeona grabbed my phone. I vaguely heard her say something along the lines of,

"This is her roommate, thank you for talking to her. She wouldn't talk to us much after an incident at the company, today" she paused and then said, "we'll call you back later. Thank you Rohan."

Yeona was the last to join the hug. I enjoyed it. It made me know that I still had people to talk to. I wasn't alone in this situation.

~~~

damn cringe