Sonder To Ikigai - The Freedom in Love.

✨Citalá✨

Citalá - a star name meaning 'a river of stars'

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It was Thursday, three whole days since she had been in Mumbai but away from him. Her heart was aching more and more each day. She felt so broken all over again. But what more could she do than give him space. She walked out of the shower, Sheena di was asleep in bed and little Gold fishie was asleep next to her, snuggled into her chest. Sana smiled at what could have been, her little girl, maybe she could have cuddled Pankhuri like that one day. Her heart ached as she thought about her little girl, how she would've felt in her arms, or how she would have been calling her 'mumma' by now. She looked at tattoo on her hand. It looked amazing, the tattoo of her daughter.

"I'm sorry, baby. I couldn't hold you." She whispered, not letting the tears flow, there was no point anymore.

She quickly got dressed in a suit, it was yellow and white in color. Her long hair cascaded perfectly down her back, he loved her hair, how long and straight it was naturally. She had a chocolate shade of brown hair, and she wondered how it would look if she colored it. She was going all out, this entire thing, it made her want to do so many things - the fact that she was going to live now. She wanted to color her hair a shade of purple, like the glossy burgundy reddish purple. It was 9am. She had seen a salon down the road, she wondered if too many changes in life would do her any harm. But she didn't care, she was going to live now. She wanted to walk into her new life with style. She sent a message to Sheena di's phone and walked over to the salon. She wondered if she'd meet him ever again, if he would want to even look at her. She wondered how her Porridge was doing. She had a flight booked for later that night, she was going to go back to Dharamshala. She wondered if she could try her luck today and go and get Porridge. She missed her little boy.

It was 11 am when she walked back out of the salon. She felt a new person. Her hair was a slight bit shorter and a different shade. She smiled to herself, she felt good. She felt alive. If only he was with her, if only she could tell him that she wanted to live. She sighed and walked back to her hotel room. Sheena di was feeding a screaming Sonnia.

"What did you do now?" Sheena di gasped.

"Got my hair coloured." She shrugged.

"Come sit here. Tujhe bhi khilati hoon." She said. Sana laughed, plopping down on the chair next to Sonnia.

"Hi Gold Fishie." She cooed. Sonnia waved, giggling loudly. She kissed her head.

"Haye Mera putthu. Tu kinna pyaara mera baccha." She cooed, smothering her face with wet kisses. She shrieked and laughed, grabbing Sana's face in her little hands. Her heart ached again, no matter how much she tried to forgo that pain, it was unbearable, the loss.

"Give maasi a kissie." She demanded nonetheless, pouting her lips out. Sonnia pressed her open mouth onto them. Sana grimaced, wiping away the spit and oats from her lips.

"Aur pooch... Kissies." Sheena di laughed, wiping Sonnia's face.

"Maangungi. Aapko bhi dungi." Sana giggled, smacking a wet kiss to her cheek. Sheena di yelped, pushing her away and wiping her face.

"You're doing normal people things." Sheena di said, shoving a spoon of oats into Sana's mouth. Her mind went back to Siddharth, he always forced her to eat oats. Or even Porridge. Especially after he began training her, that's all she ate in the morning, oats and eggs. She sighed, he would have been so proud.

"What normal people things?" Sana asked, pulling her legs up to sit.

"You cut your hair. It's what women do after breaking up." She laughed.