Sonder To Ikigai - The Freedom in Love.

✨Paikauhale✨

Paikauhale - a star name meaning 'vagabond without a home.' (16)

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There was a notion in the sky, it rendered most researchers speechless. Stars held such astounding beauty, such filling and perfect beauty. God had shaped each of these stars with so specially, much like humans. And sometimes, stars collided. And when they did, it created such a phenomenal and shocking beauty - it was beholding. It was called a supernova.

Siddharth and Sana, they were stars. The collision was beyond the colliding of stars though. It was painful, the blast, it wasn't just painful, it was strong and it was deadly. He laid on his bathroom floor with way too much of cocaine in his system. His body twitched from time to time as if he was having a seizure. He was a mess, a ruckus. He felt so incredibly ashamed of himself.

"Mummy." He whimpered in his intoxicated and almost dead state. He whimpered for her again and again. He wanted to put his head in her lap and let him caress his head till the pain didn't know how to exist. He found that relief in her, in his sweetheart. But she was still a stranger to him. She still was a stranger, nothing more. And now more than ever.

He was on the floor was hours, then he got up, still in his intoxicated state, plugged his phone into the charger and played some music. He laid on his matress and lit up a cigarette. He had absolutely nothing left to lose anymore. He closed his eyes again, blowing out some smoke. It was so relieving. But just for a second, he felt those unknown lips on his. Anjana. He had kissed Anjana. And the woman who he was in love with watched. His eyes fell open as if someone poured cold water on him. He gasped and got up urgently, his cigarette fell into the toilet bowl and he bent over it and vomited. He didn't even know what was coming out, but it was gross, it was disgusting. He could smell the soot on himself and he vomitted, every second he relived the kiss, he hurled again, vomitting more. He felt disgusted with himself for doing that. But she was the one who kissed him. But he reciprocated so well. He kissed her back.

He cursed as he threw up, everything he had eaten at the fair was in the toilet bowl and the pungent smell made him want to puke more. He vomited till his throat was raw and his body warned him that if he didn't stop, he would bleed. He got up, flushing the toilet and stood in front of his mirror. He let out a disgusted and scary chuckle. He just vomited because he had kissed another woman. His mouth was wet and dripping with his guts. His eyes were a too dark shade of red and his nose let out scary wheezes of breaths. He splashed some water on his face and washed his mouth. He missed his Sana. She would have not let him do this. He wanted to ask for forgiveness. He pulled of his tshirt, it was dirty. He didn't know what he was doing. The songs still played as he walked through his house, out the door, across the street and to her cottage. But he didn't have the courage to knock so he just sat there with his back leaned against the door.

On the other side of the door, Sana was curled up in the attic, in his t-shirt. It still smelt like him. She held herself and breathed his scenes in. She wanted him. She wanted to cry like a little girl, but she didn't have him to hold her as she became a child. He let her be one, innocent and trusting. She remembered his face when he kissed. She knew Siddharth, in a horrifying too well kind of a way, she knew him. She knew that if he breathed with a wheeze, then it was because he smoked, he knew him that well. So well, too well. So she knew that he didn't mean to kiss Anjana. She knew what he was thinking when he looked her in the eyes and hugged the other woman. He did it for her. She knew it, didn't mean that it hurt any less. But he knew, he felt nothing for her. She was still his one and only, soul or stranger. And then she felt this burning anger towards herself. She was so selfish. So incredibly selfish. She deserved to die. Now for more reasons than before.

Two weeks passed by. She hardly ate, her body was filled with painful scars. And he knew, because he saw her in the hallways and her body was covered whole. And she could see the redness under his eyes and tell that he was destroying himself. More so, the way he when he acted like he was around Anjana. She stopped going to the staff room and ate in the counselor's office, Rahat became quite close to her. He was a good friend and Sana made it clear to let him know that he was a good friend and that's all he'd ever be. He got the message well. She was seated at the computer at around 2:30pm, she just finished a session with a student and she felt exhausted. There was a ding and she recieved an email.