Fate and Destiny (The Fated Series, #2)

Chapter 28 - Fauna - Repeat

My emptiness weighs heavy and my heart is tired, but I have been fighting since I was a child. I am no survivor, but a warrior. I am a violent storm - an enraged sea - trapped in a raindrop.

I repeat it to myself, over and over again, knowing that soon enough I'll be likely to forget it. The darkness listens to me, and with Víđarr gone my bones struggle to keep the bite of pain to something of a smaller thought.

It's like laying on the top of a mountain in the middle of winter, wearing nothing by your underlings as you get snowed on. the pain making you cry as the cold begins to numb your limbs, slowly turning them blue and purple until they simply fall off. I wish I were laying on a mountain numb to the heart, if only so that I couldn't feel the pain rippling through me.

I remember most things, but some of my childhood and past are still hidden within a bit of a fog. It's the remembering that has me worried, not my physical state. Sure, I hate that I can't move more than my fingers and toes because of atrophy and lack of energy to do so. I hate how thin I am and how despite my wanting to gain back the muscle, I can't hold more than a sip of water or a bite of food down. Anything more and I hurl it back up because my organs are failing. I can feel it.

Some people would say I'm dying, and though my appearance and health support their thoughts, I'd like to think I'm more alive than ever. Nothing like a little death to wake the living.

Hira does her best to heal me, but there's only so much another failing body can do. Even if she is somehow gaining more liveliness in her eyes, I can feel what little power she has. She can heal the broken bits of me, but she can't always reach my insides by the end of it. I hate how she's so focused on keeping me in the best shape I can get, and yet her fingers still shake with cracked bones and weary ligaments. I would rather I heal myself, but that privilege was taken alongside my own choice that I made before.

I'll have time to heal, but for now, I'll keep repeating those words over and over to drown out the sound of footsteps echoing in the halls.

Laying on my side, I watch the wall as the door screeches open and a beam of light spreads across it. Two hazy shadows disturb its warmth, others following behind them, and then it's gone again with the close of heavy metal. I half expect to see Eleanor and Charles, both with pleasing smiles as they take in my broken state. I should rephrase that; I hope to see them with pleased smiles. It's much better than who I know is really walking towards me.

Two sets of hands clap on the chains to my wrists, and then I'm pulled up until my feet dangle over the ground. In times like this, my mind shuts down. Words become only that which lives in my head, not on my tongue. The pain of a bone snapping or shattering stings for a few seconds, and then dissipates into the amount already plaguing me. Not even enough to make me wish for worse, just enough to make me anticipate the next one. My chin always falls against my chest, casting my hair in front of me. My hair should reach beneath my naval by now, but they cut every few times to make me think that no time has passed. It's just long enough now to keep my face hidden behind it, and take the slight relief it brings and hold onto it. It's all I have right now.

"Still nothing of use, are you, my dear."

A shiver runs down my spine at the sound of his voice. I curse my own thoughts from earlier, predicting my future without me entirely knowing that it was doing so. My body starts involuntarily shaking, tears that I didn't even know were there dripping down my cheek. I wanted so badly to hang onto everything I had just gotten back, and here he is, about to drain it all out of me again.

"Tell me," his fingers touch my chin, and I force myself to keep my eyes open and look into his blood-red, demonic eyes. "Are these tears still full?"

I don't answer, don't do more than wait for his other hand to take my cheek, and watch as his eyes become depthless. He knows I won't answer. I know that I'm helpless to save myself from the misery of forgetting all over again. Hira knows it too, and I catch the slight flash of her fingers moving in what little light shines in her corner. They flex three times.

We'll get through this.

I wanted to give her another thing to keep my memory working, so I taught her a version of mine and Lance's silent language. One flash of her fingers for remember, two for you're not alone, and three for we'll get through this. Since I can't really flash my own fingers back, I blink. Once for yes, twice for no, and three times for together. It's something to keep us both going, but it's an anchor for who Lance is to me. I may not remember him after this, and I gifted us this in hopes that it'll give me the boost I need to do so. I hate forgetting my brother. I hate forgetting everyone.

Looking away from his eyes, I blink three times.

Together.

Her hand flexes again, this time only once.

Remember.

I blink once, doing something I've done more times in this cell than I've done in most of my life - if not all of it. I hope.

Looking back to Xaxias, I repeat my words, again and again, even when I do fall into oblivion, I hear the words echo as far into the tunnel as sound can travel.

I am a violent storm - an enraged sea - trapped in a raindrop.