Fate and Destiny (The Fated Series, #2)

Chapter 57 - Darius - Heavy is the Head Which Carries the Crown

I used to look out of this window and feel peace. A bliss of nothingness that was comforting compared to the chaos of my crowned life. I would watch late into the night as lights slowly went out and the busyness of Howler Street dwindled, only to pick back up at sunrise. The quiet was both a hug and a punch depending on how my day had gone. Most of the time it was a hug, a thing that would drive away all the harsh words of my father or the tiredness of smiling and waving for the kingdom.

Now...

Now I look out of this window and feel nothing. No hug, no slap, no bliss, nor peace. Rohana and I have been in the Moonrise tower for several days, the exact number now lost to me. We drank for the first three or so before we ran out, and then we did nothing for another day, and then after that is just a muddled mess. No one's come to get us, or at least not from what I can remember. My head still aches from the lack of water or food and the overabundance of alcohol. I believe that I knocked out at some point, could've been a day.

Rohana hasn't slept, you can see it in the dark circles beneath her eyes and the way the corners of them are red and her eyelids puffy. I'm not entirely sure as to why the reincarnation of her friend has pulled her into this, but I suppose it's a similar reason as to why I smell like shit because I can't look at the girl I once could never take my eyes off of. My heart's empty, my mind too full to sort through, and I have no clue as to what to do with all of it asides from trying to drown it out in kidzra.

I thought that I'd be more...more once we had Clare back, but I took one look at her face on that beach - hollow, pale, too calm to be hers - and I felt...less. It's like whatever was left in me just disappeared. I tried to go to her, tried to move my legs and arms to touch her, but they wouldn't listen. My mouth wouldn't move either, though I didn't have words for them to speak anyways.

Then came the thoughts about the Raver, the creature with black blood and long teeth. She just shoved her hands into its chest and yanked its heart out of its body, depthless in her own eyes. The action was surprising, but for Clarice, I didn't entirely expect anything else from her. That's when that small seed of hope took root in my chest. Maybe she was still there, maybe she pretended to lose her memories only to convince Xaxias that she was his, that he had more cards than actuality. Hard to believe such things when clear evidence suggesting otherwise was written on her body.

I don't want to see her. I don't want to hear her voice or the sound of her footsteps or feel the power she holds. I don't want to forget her, but I can't be around her. My power swells when it senses her nearby. It pulls me towards her, begging to be near their lost twins that they haven't felt in cycles. Along with them my heart tugs, but it's no more than a poke that my mind pushes aside like a feather.

Everything still working within me begs to go back to the Healers Tower, but I can't. I won't. There's too much pain over there, too much nothingness that's no comfort like the nothingness here. I can't explain the pain of being near her, words couldn't define it, but I don't need anyone to understand. I don't need to justify my actions when they do no harm to anyone.

"You need to bathe." I pull my gaze from the window, comparing Rohana's claim to my appearance, and then that to her own.

"You're one to talk."

"I'll be ambushed by my sisters the moment I step into the bath, you'll be free to do so without distractions."

"I wouldn't say that. My brethren are all mother hens."

"I noticed. They're like circling hawks."

I glare at her, but I can tell that it's entirely too soft to do more than brush her shoulder. "They care."

"Everyone cares, Pater, it's why we're here isn't it?" she snaps, adverting her gaze out the window once more.

I sigh, knowing she's right. "We're here because we're damaged."