Fate and Destiny (The Fated Series, #2)

Chapter 3 - Darius - Nimue Lake

This stupid lake makes me want to let the fire element rage over its surface until every last drop of it has evaporated, and there's nothing left but the sodden ground and flailing fish. Or mermaids. Rumor has it that Nimue Lake is full of enchanting myths. Fantasy told creatures with big eyes and white scales, a cave that leads to a whole other world, and even a woman of extreme beauty that surfaces to show lost travelers their way home. I'm sorry to say that even if she or her mermaid friends did come to the surface and look at each and every one of us in a way that usually has men stripping down and running right in, none of us probably so much as blink at them.

It's been five cycles, two days, and twenty-two hours since I last saw Clarice. I've done nothing but fail for the past five cycles, two days, and twenty-two hours, and each day I feel as if I drift further away from my body. It's like when the Demoni took over, only this time, he seems to be just as silent and empty as me. Once the nightmares stopped I didn't feel him lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce when night came and I fell asleep. I was relieved. It felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders, but after waking up in a small cabin in the middle of a forest even the bravest of guards from the Vandarian army feared to tread, I've felt that dark presence again. He knows that something's missing, that where there once used to be these burning lights guiding us on, darkness now mocks us for our lack of ability to keep it from slipping through our fingers. To keep her from falling out of reach.

Even before she arrived I didn't feel this...awful. I still had my friends to make me smile and travel into unknown and childish adventures with. Now...now they're not doing much better than me.

We haven't spoken to each other unless it was to figure out where to head next or to ask who's on watch and who's getting food. We're as silent as the world around us. It's like we're suddenly afraid to stop thinking about what happened or what could be happening as if doing so would blink her out of existence. It hurts not to talk to them, but at the same time, it hurts to look them in the eye when I'm reminded that it's not just Clare that I'm failing. If they knew that something broke inside of me that day they'd likely tear down the rest of the Dearg Forest that I still left standing. They'd blame me and I wouldn't argue with them. We could've had her back by now if it weren't for me, but we don't, and we're venturing to every place we could possibly think of just to find her.

We've been all through Cressida already. Crossed the scorching desert that burned our feet through our shoes despite it being winter. We raided the Assassins of Candris's keep - and by raid, I mean that I started a small fire in their kitchen that spread quicker than usual to the rest of the house. They all came running out to where the Bhaltayr, Arthur, and I waited with bows aimed at their heads. They didn't know anything aside from how secretive Willdred Maron was and how he rarely did anything more than walk around like a ghost who gave their own leader orders he never seemed to argue against. Useless information, but they weren't entirely useless. Their armory armed all fourteen of us to the teeth.

We checked a few more places that Arthur said Will might hide, or where we all thought would be a good secluded place for...questioning. When we still came up empty-handed, we headed back south and checked back at Layara before trying the cities in Vandaria, and then crossing the border into Adaeric. We've been to Serac and just finished searching Litchelle on the other side of the river, and we'll continue to Fredal in the morning. If we still haven't found her or at least news of her or Xaxias, we go towards Cadorelin. My hopes have since diminished to near nothing in the passing cycles, but that doesn't mean I'm giving up. I can't give up for more reasons than one.

We're camped on the southern part of the lake tonight, a few hours west of the river. It probably would've been smart to go from Serac straight to Fredal and then to Litchelle and Cadorelin, but apparently, there was an old Jade safe house on the north end of the lake that hasn't been used in years, so we took the trip and went the long way around. Having to see the lake for the past three days and not think about her has been impossible. It's like the biggest sign the universe could put in front of me. A screaming sign that is impossible to stop looking at unless I turn around to stare at a forest that also reminds me of her because she sentenced me to three days in one while she was suffering God's know what, and the taller trees make me think that she'd love to climb to the top and watch the sunset from up there. So I can't turn around and I can't close my eyes because every time I do that more than just my vision goes dark and it has my power rising too quickly and too aggressively to allow me to control it and keep it from feeding off of my emotions.