Embracing Sunshine (Completed)

"Secrets and Surprises 4"

"pero Doc never akong nabuntis" I gave a nervous laugh while fidgeting.

"Iba siguro iyon doc" I answered surely.

She looked confuse of what I said as well... Oo nga naman nagkakamali lang siguro ito. Doctor ba naman? Di ba maraming pasyente ang nakikita nila araw-araw. She must have attended to thousands of pregnant women that she mistaken me for someone else.

Ilan ba ang percentage nang buntis na Coma. Madami siguro and I'm hundred percent sure that I was not pregnant.

Impossible. We only did it once. 

She furrowed her eyebrow and said "but your medical records say so"

I creased my forehead and took the chart on her hand with my trembling hand. I read it carefully. Malayo pa naman ang April at hindi April fools ngayon para iprank nya ako diba.

When I read the report however I felt weak. Totoo nga. I don't know what to feel. Bakit hindi ko alam? Suddenly I felt my tear falling and after a long time I felt my heart tearing apart. 

"I-I " I stammered and smiled awkwardly. I really do not know what to say. I stood up and head to the door to leave. Parang nakalimutan ko din ang rason kung bakit ako nandito. I felt dizzy and fading slowly.

I even leaned on the wall to support my balance while I walk.

"Miss are you okay?" Worried eyes are all over me and I just nodded absentmindedly. I lost my baby at wala man lang akong alam? I'm such a bad mother. Wala akong kwentang ina. We were one. She lived in me tapos malalaman ko lang kung kailan nawala ko na sya?

I walked aimlessly. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. Tears blinding my vision. Ganito pala ang feeling nang mawalan nang importante sa'yo. Now I can finally relate to what Francisco felt when he lost his all.

Francisco....

I bet he knew about this, I bet Cole know about this and I bet with all I have that my parents know about this. With that thought I felt angry and that made me feel miserable.

I dropped to my knees and cried my heart out. I felt betrayed. Betrayed by all the people that I love and trusted.

Then I heard a honking of the car and that's when I realize that I'm in the middle of the road. Pinahid ko ang aking luha, stood up and smiled apologetically to the driver.

After hours of sulking I found myself in the sea shore. Hinubad ko ang aking sapatos and stood on the shore with water on my feet hoping a riptide will pull me in. To pull the emotions I have and cleanse my sorrow.

I stayed there for a while and somehow it calmed me. The sound of the waves and wind is calming me. The feeling of the sand on my toes relaxes me. 

Dumidilim na pero parang ayaw ko pang umuwi. Ayaw ko pang pakiharapan si Francisco. Even Cole and even my parents ayaw ko silang makita. I felt the tightening on my chest when I remember how they lied to me for so long. Kaya pala kapag nag m-mention ako tungkol sa baby, they will cut me off immediately.

I stared at my phone on my hand when it vibrated. Francisco have been calling me multiple times but I did not answer it . Hindi ko alam kong ano ang sasabihin ko sa kanya. Marami akong gustong itanong but I'm too broken to say or ask anything. I know somehow I'll need to face him and them and I'm still gathering my strength to do so. 

Just additional time please....

_____

Franciso

Nine O'clock in the evening at wala pa rin sya. I nervously glanced at my phone from time to time for any news about her. Shes not like this, iyong aalis nang hindi nag papaalam at hindi magpaparamdam. After duty I expected her to greet me with a warm smile pero pagdating ko sa bahay ay wala ito and on the first ring when she did not answered her phone, that made me very nervous.

I called Cole and her parents and they don't know where she is as well. Damn! I slammed the steering wheel hoping to find her. I have been driving for 3 hours. Palinga-linga ako while driving slowly just driving around trying to catch a glimpse of her shadow pero wala.

God please let her be okay.... Sana walang nangyaring masama dito. I don't know what to do kung mayroon man. I cannot help but think of the worse but still praying for her safety.

Moment later and my phone lit up. Somebody's calling.

"Did you found her?" I worriedly asked Cole. Alam ko kasi na hinahanap din nito si Elaine.

"Francisco" I knotted my forehead . He seemed tensed and worried.

"Something happened?"

"Alam nya na. My friend, the gynecologist called me this evening and told me what happened this morning"

I don't know if you call it dramatic but instantly my hand weakened and I dropped my phone in the floor. I became nervous, anxious and agitated. She must be crying hard now. I wanted to hold her and comfort her but I cannot find her.

Damn! I slammed the steering wheel again and again to let out my frustration and suddenly a realization hit me. 

Now I know where to find her.

_____

I walked slowly to her. My heart aches looking at her. her face is buried on her knees and you can tell that shes crying base on her shaking shoulder. 

When I sat next to her I couldn't bear to look at her cause I know that her hurt look will pain me as well. I just looked at the star instead.

"I'm sorry" I mumbled.

I felt her stare at me "Why? Bakit Francisco? Why did you lie? Why did all of you lie? Lahat kayo, pinagmukha nyo akong tanga"

"I'm sorry " I mutter again. Alam ko na kahit anong sabihin ko nasaktan ko na ito.

" I just don't want you to get hurt. I know I was selfish. When you woke up, I cannot bring myself to risk your heart with another heart ache and when time passed, I cannot bring myself to erase your smile. Ang saya saya mo. Ang saya saya natin, and I dont want to see your tear fall. It will only hurt me knowing your unhappy more than you can ever imagine"

"Ang sakit Isko, Ang sakit sakit. Kaya ko. Makakaya ko. Alam mo iyan. Kahit mahirap I can be strong and I can accept what happened pero iyong magsinungaling kayo sa akin? Parang ginawa niyo akong gaga. You turned me into a weakling and that's really insulting"

"they wanted to tell you. Ako lang iyong may ayaw. I'm sorry for thinking low about you. Don't get mad at them. Ako ang may kasalanan"

"I-I "I stutter, what I'm about to say will surely hurt us but I need to do this for now . My deciscion is fixed.

"I n-need" I inhaled deep

" To breath air, I'm sorry, I think I really need time for myself for now. I understood why you did it but I cannot accept it. I couldn't force myself to accept it . Please let me breathe"

Oo masakit. To hear those words coming from her mouth, parang pinagbagsakan ako nang langit at lupa. I don't think I can even live a day without her. She's been my air for a while now. My light, my sun and my life but if she wants time I can give it to her. I can give her everything she needs. Basta kaya ko.

After gazing at the stars for too long I looked at her and hugged her. 

I kissed her and after the kiss pinagdikit ko ang aming nuo. "Come back to me when your ready, I'll always and forever will wait for you"

With tears streaming on her face she nodded and I felt relieved. At least I have something to cling on to. A hope that she will still return,

To me....