Embracing Sunshine (Completed)

"A flicker of hope 3"

I don't remember when was the last time I kneel in front of him to ask for help.

This is to express my gratitude for the last time. I don't know if it was just a coincidence but for that moment I felt his grace and here I am again asking for help  one more time. Hoping na sana ay pakinggan nya ako ulit. Hindi ko alam kung nandyan ba talaga sya na nakikinig at nagbabantay but I know for someone like me na wala nang matakbuhan, I could only turn to him for help.

I used to think that he neglected me and left me to be alone forever but when he let me meet Elaine, I had my hopes up that perhaps he loves me as well.

However Elaine is sick and I'm here again-- back on questioning his plan for me. I would not want to. She does not want me to but I can't help it.

I'm kneeling here asking and begging for help.

Please let Elaine live. Let Elaine live and I will do anything. Just anything. Please....

I know I promise her that I will continue with my life --being happy without her pero papano? papano when she's the only thing that makes me happy, shes the reason I laughed and smiled again. These things that are happening with my life is draining all of my energy. Draining all my hope and I'm slowly drifting apart and away from myself.

"She's lucky" Napatingin ako sa tumabi sa akin and there I saw Madison. Nangunot naman ang nuo ko dahil sa sinabi nito. I tried convincing her multiple times to sign the consent paper for organ donation but she just rejected it.

She is firm on rejecting it. Nothing can change my mind. She told me several times.

I stood up at hinarap ito. She sat on the chair beside me and I followed.

"Ang swerte nya kasi maraming tao ang nagmamahal sa kanya." She said while looking at the altar "Maybe her time is limited but I can see that she lived a good life. A life where she is loved. A life where she is happy" Her eyes then started watering.

"The reason why I don't want to sign the papers is because like you, I'm still hopeful" Tears streamed down to her face, her shoulder shaking

"My brother did not have a good life, we were separated when we were young. Ang swerte ko, maswerte ako sa naging buhay ko but he suffered. He suffered while I'm enjoying my life. Gusto ko syang mabuhay kasi gusto ko na maranasan nya ang mga naranasan ko. A loving parent, abundant life and a happy family."

I stayed silent. I understand her . Wala akong karapatan na mag demand dito because she is also struggling inside like I do. I can see how broken she is and I can feel her burden. Somehow I feel guilty kasi alam kong nakakadagdag ako, kami sa mga problema nito by following her around asking her to sacrifice her brother for Elaines life.

"I could be selfish, I could let him stay here in the hospital kahit alam kung wala na syang pag asang gumising but I know niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko. The time we lost is lost forever at alam ko na hindi sya magiging masaya with his current state, I know that he would rather die than be useless" She heaved for air. Her voice is breaking. I know nahihirapan itong magsalita. To talk about death, to talk about leaving the person you love is the most painful thing to do.

Especially kung nakasalalay sa kanyang desisyon ang buhay nang taong pinakamahalaga dito.

Nakasalalay sa desisyon nito ang buhay nang dalawang tao.

"I want him to be happy and I know he'll be happy with my decision" She continued speaking though alam ko na nahihirapan parin ito.

"His dream was to be a hero and I'm making him a hero. With his last breath he will be a hero and he'll be saving a life and that he will surely make many people happy"

I creased my forehead . My hands trembling. My heart racing . I took a big gulp of air. God! My lungs are craving for air.

The tension in my chest is building. I hope it is what I think it is. I'm praying that it is what we need.

"I hope you take good care of my brothers heart, let it beat for happiness. Let it beat for love, let it experience the things that he did not experience when he's still alive. Let him continue his life as a part of hers"

She then handed me the consent papers for organ donation. With hands still shaking I accepted it. It was already signed. Any moment now ay pwede nang maoperahan si Elaine.

Everything is so surreal. With just this piece of paper parang nawala ang lahat nang problema ko. Immediately my tears overflowed like the flood water breaking through any barriers.

I hope I'm not dreaming, sana totoo ang lahat nang ito. I secretly pinched myself and to my relief the papers did not vanish.

"Thank you, thank you , thank you. I don't know how I can ever repay you for this I-I" I stammered, not knowing what to say. This is just too overwhelming. I'm smiling while crying. I may look like a lunatic now but who cares. A chance to have a future with Elaine . A chance to create a family and a chance for his child to be born in this world.

A chance. One chance. Ito lang ang kailangan ko and thank God ibinigay sa akin.

I'm a man but God these tears are all worth it, I looked at Him on the hospitals' altar and silently said my thanks.

I turned to Madison and was greeted by her sad smile. I held her hand and squeezed it lightly letting her know that everything will be alright.

"Thank you" I told her again.

She just nodded her head then walked away.

I saw her shoulder shaking. I can tell that she must be crying.

I can't help but pity her however at the same time I can't help but feel happy for my impending happiness.

I sighed.

Life is complicated.