Dark Days (BillxDipper)

XXXIII

AN: Full credit to the artist~~

     "You two had sex?!" Mabel gapes at me. "A few times apparently" Wendy chimes in. I frown at them, clearly unhappy. "Out of everything I just told you, that's what you're taking out of it?" I say, my tone dull and slightly annoyed. "You two had sex?!" Mabel shrieks again. and I just raise my eyebrow at her, leveling my gaze. "So... He just kept wiping your memory? Why?" Wendy asks, her brows furrowing. "As an excuse to keep fucking me I guess? I don't really know" I say with a sigh, shrugging. "And you just let him do this to you? Over and over again?" Mabel cries out, her cheeks rosy pink with an angry blush. "I didn't know that it hadn't been done before. And I figured it was better than dying, which is what I thought his plan originally was" I say but immediately regret it. Mabel and Wendy go silent, their eyes wide. I wasn't going to mention that part, and I purposely hadn't. Shit...

     "What?" Mabel whispers incredulously. Wendy stares. I'm trapped. Fuck.... "I thought that what he had in mind for 'personal time'.... was killing me..." I said, looking at the table. "And you were just going to let him kill you!?" Mabel shouts. I wince at her tone. "Well... I guess..." I grimace at her face and cut her off before she can lose her shit. "Hey! You both eavesdropped on the whole conversation when I summoned him! You both knew I made a deal with him! You heard the terms, what did you think he wanted!?!?" I grew angry at this. "What was I supposed to do? If I broke the deal and didn't do as I was told he would have probably killed me anyways! There was nothing I could do! So when I realized that he wasn't going to kill me, I took the second option instead" I stand up frustrated. Would they rather I just cut my losses and let him kill me?! What would I have done instead? There wasn't anything to be done...

     I walk out of the kitchen and out onto the porch. I need some air. I can hear Wendy and Mabel talking before I slam the door behind me and stalk over to the trees, going in until I can just barely see the shack anymore. Mabel and Wendy are shouting at each other but I can't hear what they say. My knees go weak and I fall to the ground and wrap my arms around my stomach. I lean against the tree next to me and feel my chin wobble as my vision goes blurry. I let the tears come and sob quietly in the dark. My tears are hot as they roll down past my chin and stain my shirt. I did make the right choice didn't I? I almost wish I could talk to Bill, I want to know the reason for everything. He could have just kept my memories wiped and then left me alone. 'Just in case....' He had said when he gave me my memories back. Just in case what?

     Nothing makes sense anymore and I hear the door to the shack open behind me. "Dipper?" Wendy calls. I take a deep breath and try to wipe my tears but they just keep falling and I can't seem to make them stop. I must have been crying louder than I thought because I hear her boots crunching against the dirt and leaves as she walks up to me. I don't turn around even when she puts her hand on my shoulder. "Hey man, you doing okay?" She asks, crouching down beside me. I just shake my head as more tears fall and I lean over until all I can see are my knees bent under me and the ground. I watch with blurry eyes as my tears leave drops in the soft dirt and I sniffle, trying to catch my breath. "I didn't think you were that upset by what happened... You almost didn't seem that bothered by it in there..." She says carefully. I shake my head again. "I suppose I can deal with the sex part... Like I said it was better than leaving you guys behind.... But he did it so many times. Wiped my memories, drugged me.... And I still don't know why, not really... Why didn't he just kill me? Why did he have to do that? And more than once.... And the worst part Wendy... towards the end of it... the last few times I mean..." I finally look up at her." I-I enjoyed it" I choke out in a whisper. 

     Wendy's eyes widen at me. "You... enjoyed it.... Well, I suppose there's nothing too wrong with that..." Wendy says, trying to make me feel better. Again I shake my head. "It was like I subconsciously knew... or I guess was familiar with him by then... I was fighting him less and less each time it happened... but I don't know why I would have that kind of reaction" I choke out. "I'm so confused, I don't even know whats going on in my own head anymore. I don't know what to do Wendy" I sob, leaning against her instead of the tree. "So do you think you were like, I don't know, subconsciously developing feelings... Maybe?" She asks me, holding me tight. I feel sick at the question but it nags at me. "No" I say. "I don't know what it was, but I don't think feelings is the right word... " But I don't know that it's not the right word either...

     Wendy is at a loss for words and I am too. I just continue to let the tears fall until there's no more left and I sit, leaning against Wendy, calming down, trying to get the pounding in my head to cease. Eventually I manage to get my breathing under control and calm down. "You good?" Wendy says and despite myself I let out a dry laugh. "As good as I can be" I say quietly. "Ready to go back in?" Wendy asks me and I just nod my head. Wendy helps me to my feet and I hug her, catching her by surprise. "Thank you" I say before I let go of her and wipe my eyes of the last of my tears. "Of course man, I'm always here when you need someone to talk to" She punches my shoulder and I smile at her as we start walking back to the shack. Mabel was waiting on the porch for us and she stands when we come into view. Mabel runs up and hugs me "I'm sorry for what I said... and I'm sorry that happened to you. I think you made the right choice Dipper. I'm glad you're still here." I hug her back. Her words bring tears to my eyes again. She isn't made at me for what I did or how I handled it? She thinks I made the right choice?? That's all I could ever ask for. "Me too" I say as one last tear falls from my eye and I bury my head into her shoulder.