Dark Days (BillxDipper)

LXI

AN: Full credit to the artist~~

~Dippers POV~

     Bill breathes rather heavily and I wonder if he's nervous for some reason. Suddenly I'm annoyed at him for keeping his back to me still. I reach out and run my pointer finger up his spine. His entire body quivers and he lets out a gasp. When he rolls over to face me his cheeks are pink and his teeth are grit in annoyance as he glares at me. I give him a smug smile.

     "What was that for Pine Tree" He growls. "When I asked you to lay down with me, I didn't want you to turn your back on me and ignore me the whole time" I say, glaring at him. He purses his lips and looks anywhere but at me. "Bill" I say and inch closer to him. His eyes dart to mine, widening a bit, cheeks going pink again. I feel my lip twitch up into a small smile, amused. "You don't understand any of your emotions, do you?" I ask him. He just stares at me, unsure about everything apparently. I take his silence as a very obvious yes. 

     I reach out to him and his eyes dart to my hand, eyeing it carefully. I run my fingertips down his arm. "What went through your mind just now?" I ask him, keeping my eyes on his face. He holds his breath. "Bill" I say. He looks at me. "I can't read your mind like you can read mine" I say gently, trying to coax words out of him. He remains silent, staring at me again. I move my hand and run it along his collarbone. Even through the t-shirt I can feel him stiffen and his heart beat pounds against my fingertips. His heartbeat... He really is changing. I find the thought to be a little strange. "How about now?" I ask. He still doesn't answer me. I lick my lips a little and move my hand. 

     I grab his wrist and pull it towards me. He tenses and retracts but I don't let go. His eyes are wide as he lets out a breath, looking away in defeat. Slowly I pull his hand towards me again and lay it flat against my chest. "How about now?" I ask him again. He looks back up at me. 

     I don't know if he can see me since my back is facing the artificial light of the faux moon from the window he made me, but I can see him clearly as the light lands on him. His lips are slightly parted and his pupils are fully dilated as he stares at me with wide eyes. I know what it means, but he doesn't. 

     I scoot a little closer to him and his breathing gets a bit faster. "How does this feel Bill?" I ask him. Still, he just stares. I can't help but feel another small smile play at the edge of my lips. I move his hand from my chest to my cheek. "This?" I whisper. His hand shakes lightly as he moves his thumb over my skin. I tilt my head into his hand, holding it closer against me. I slide my hand along his arm and down his side. I feel him shiver under my touch as I rest my hand on his waist. "What are you thinking?" I ask him again, scooting even closer. Our chests nearly touch now, his face only inches from mine. 

     "You are.... Beautiful" He whispers, so quietly I almost didn't hear him. He's hardly blinked, his eyes roam over my face nervously. "Amazing..." He whispers again, his voice shaking slightly. "Strong." This time Bill moves closer to me, our noses touching. I slide my hand up onto his ribs and feel him shiver again, letting out a shaky breath. He holds the back of my neck, pulling me slowly, says "Perfect" and gently places his lips on mine. My stomach swirls warmly at the contact and I melt against him, sighing contentedly. He pulls away, just barely, keeping his eyes closed. He licks his lips as I ask "What are you feeling?" 

     "Warm..." He says with a twitch of a smile. "Nervous..." He pulls away and looks at me. I see a playful glint in his eyes as a wicked grin cracks across his blushing cheeks. "Horny..." It was so unexpected that I laugh and punch his shoulder. He just smiles at me, and brushes my hair behind my ear. "Relieved..." He says then, softly, and I look at his eyes again. 

     I don't think I ever noticed how long his eye lashes were. I notice many things then. He has a small cluster of freckles directly under his eyes, so subtle I'd have never noticed if I wasn't this close. His eyes are a glittering gold with flecks of bronze around his, currently very wide, pupils. His lips have a subtle cupid's bow and I can just barely see the indent of his dimples. His skin is smooth and soft.... Enticing. I am struck, suddenly, at just how human he really has become. 

     "Mason..." He whispers my name. I don't know if he was planning on saying anything after that, but at the sound of my name rolling off his tongue I couldn't help but crash my lips against his. It's the first time I've ever heard him truly say my name without trying to piss me off or tease me. As much as I hate my real name, he said it with an emotion I don't think he meant to or realized and I lost it for a moment. 

     He seemed caught off guard, but his arm curled around me and I ran my fingers into his hair as he melted against me. I can feel his heartbeat pounding against my chest as his hand grabs at the back of my shirt. His tongue runs across my teeth and I grab his hair gently. He pulls me close and rolls onto his back, tugging me with him. My legs ache under my weight but I ignore it, bracing against his chest as his hand runs up my back and his other glides along my thigh gently. 

     Bills hands are light on my skin, careful of my wounds but in this moment I hardly feel the pain. I run a hand along his arm and back up to his chest, my other hand holding his cheek as our tongues swirl together, our breaths tangling. He holds my waist, squeezing as much as he dares, still obviously afraid of hurting me. Bill rolls over again, laying me down underneath him. He must have noticed my legs shaking under my weight and I hadn't quite realized yet. The relief was instant and I thank him by pulling him down to kiss me again. He balls his hands in the fabric of my shirt at my waist and pulls at it hard, pulling my hips up close to him. 

     I lift my legs up on either side of him as he breaks away and pulls my shirt up under my arms. He scoots down and lays against me then. I catch my breath while he stares at my torso, resting his arms on either side of my hips. Bill quietly runs his fingers lightly over my bruises and wounds that haven't quite scarred yet. The only thing I can hear is my heart pounding against my chest and our slowing breaths. 

     "You were right Pine Tree" He says suddenly. His heart pounds softly against my pelvis and his soft breath tickles my stomach. He stares sadly at my chest and stomach, playing softly with my ribs. What is he talking about? "I never should have left you alone" He says. I cup his face and he leans heavily into my hand, closing his eyes. I feel something splash against my stomach and I realize with a jolt that he's crying. 

     "...I'm not alone now" I say. He only nuzzles further into my hand, kissing my palm. He crawls back up me and plants his lips against mine softly. He moves his lips against me, as he pulls my shirt back down carefully. Sliding his hand up my chest over my shirt, holding my face again before he rolls to his side and lays back beside me, pulling me against his chest. I wrap my arms around him and he runs his fingers through my hair, tucking my head under his chin. His heart still thuds loudly and he tries to keep his breathing under control while he plays with my hair, and rubbing my back. In his arms I feel safe and warm. I silently thank him for not going much further. My body was starting to hurt, getting sore and ache at the movements. 

     It's so obvious what he feels though, but he doesn't understand it or know anything about it. I wonder how long it will take him to realize. Slowly his breathing starts to slow and I feel him relax against me. He's so stubborn, thinking he won't need to sleep, but here he is, falling asleep faster than I am. I start thinking about what he said a little bit ago.

     He thinks I'm beautiful? I don't think that's accurate, especially in my current state. I'm not as skinny as when he first saved me anymore thanks to his care, but you can still see almost all my bones. My legs have practically no muscle to them, if my falling earlier was any indication to that. My arms are almost as thin as my legs, my chest is bony and nothing but sharp angles. I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, and I honestly don't want to, but I can only imagine my face doesn't look much better than the rest of me. 

     How can he think I'm beautiful? How can he think I'm amazing? Strong? And perfect?! Hardly.... He must be delusional. His hands have slowly stopped moving and his breathing is shallow now. I chuckle to myself. I remember the bags he had under his eyes and wonder how he couldn't have noticed that he was tired. How had he not felt fatigue? I hold him close, mulling over my situation. How, even though he's clearly fast asleep, he holds me close. Protective, even with his arms fully relaxed. How strange he's come to be, but I think I like it. I wonder what will become of us when I'm healed? When I can go home... Will he come with me? Or will he leave me be?

     As I feel sleep tug at my mind, I drift into it with one final thought.... I wonder if my eyes dilated just as much as Bill's did when I looked at him...