Memoirs of a Broke B*tch

irritation nation

so i'm slightly annoyed that my school has finally said they're going fully online for the semester. while i think it's a sound decision, i was really hoping i could live on campus, away from my family. i just prefer being by myself, and i've been home since march. i think i let y'all know earlier that they had already pushed the move-in date back a week before the freshmen were supposed to go back. so then they were saying they'd test everybody and you could slide back if the test was negative. funny thing is, i never actually got a kit sent to my house. but anyway, turns out this kit was going to be put down your throat. the thought of that literally prevented me from going to sleep lmfao. like... after hearing that there is a throat version of this test, i'd rather it be shoved up my nose. my gag reflex has always been horrendous and it got worse about a year ago after something i would consider traumatic, went down. at least i have an idea of what the tube would feel like going down my nose. so hopefully when we do go back, they at least give an option to where they stick that tube. honestly, when can we get a test that does not invade my damn body?!

although i said i think it's a sound idea to keep the school online this year, i do wanna drag the school for the reason they cited. so, they said they are keeping everything virtual because they serve a population that is more vulnerable to catch the rona. i have a few things to say about that-- mostly that it was true before they made the first announcement to bring everybody back, and it will still be true when they decide to let us come back. we are an hbcu and all that, and as you know you've heard a bunch about us getting the rona and not receiving care and thus far, suffering much more than other communities. DUH, it's true for literally any kind of medical issue you can think of. for example, if a nigga need any type of donation they're not prioritized at all, black girls are not taken seriously if they say they're in pain, black women are the ones dying at an alarming rate during childbirth. the point of me saying this is to say that my school only said that to cover their asses. i heard the freshmen that were already there were ackin' up, and the school figured that there was not going to be a great effort in social distancing, i guess. i just found out that somebody from the school heard that two of the staff fell ill with that shit. whew.. i'm glad i won't have to be on pins and needles at home, though.

i just don't know how i'm gonna fare with this online learning shit. i cannot stand online classes. if i were gonna be on campus, i figured i might do a little bit better because i would have somewhere to go to, to really focus on my work. y'all.... i don't know if you can tell, but i am not a very disciplined person lmfao. i can't do it. i can't be in a place where i can go to sleep when i'm trying to do my work lmfao. pray for me. anyway, i hope we have a different outcome in the winter. i can't really imagine that there would be. i figure if there is a national decline, it's only because it'll be getting cold soon. and nobody liked doing too much of anything in the winter, before the pandemic hit-- but i think people will jump at the chance to go outside again, even if they would be up to their ankles in snow.

anyway, so i had to do a flipgrid video today. lmfao i haven't had to do a video for school since i was in undergrad. remember, i was at a def school, so we made videos all the time. it's weird making a video and listening to myself talk. whew, i still hate my voice lmfao. anyway, so i put a lil personality into my video, and from what i can see, i think i was the only one who didn't treat it like a chore lmfaooooo. i tried the monotone thing, couldn't stand to hear myself, so i made it just a lil more fun and now i'm the odd man out lmfao. honestly, it was gonna be true period cuz that's how it is. i had to make another video, but that one was more like a powerpoint. i'm curious to see how everybody else's looks.

you know what? one thing i'm glad about this semester is making videos, because i did wanna experience it in the "hearing world" lmao, where i can clearly communicate my thoughts without second guessing what i'm saying or doing..... as much lol.

i do feel like i'm ready for socializing again, though. i might gon' head and slide back to the apps. i'm keeping it on the friend tip this time, though. like i said, it's not finna be too much of anything, 'cause, yeah lmfao. it's a no for me, girl.

*checks notes*

oh, yeah, there was another shooting of an unarmed black person by the police. as far as i know, the guy, jacob blake, survived. that's a nice change of pace. um.... fuck the police. ACAB and all that other shit.

i hear that there was a protest for him, where a white male shot and killed some protesters and was NOT shot and killed at the hands of the police, even though he did not comply with their orders.... hmm... yeah, DOUBLE fuck the police and ACAB times two.

you know what's crazy? when i was a kid, i wanted a career in the law enforcement field, but i didn't even KNOW. like, never in my life have i ever wanted to be a police officer, ever. i never had any desire to stick a badge on my chest with a gun and a black suit and a bun, walking around tryna keep shit "safe". but i did wanna be a homicide detective. i told you, i started watching all that true crime murder TV shit at 12 or 13. I used to swear I was gon major in criminal justice--- that was before i realized that dead people.... smell lmfao. i got older and a lil more squeamish and decided that it just wasn't gon be for me. apparently that's one of the top jobs you work your way up to-- if i'm correct, you have to start with patrol-- you can't just walk up and say you're a graduate of criminal justice-- and they'll hook you up right then lol. thank gawd i changed my mind. i'm really glad i didn't go through with any of it--- i would be ashamed to be a fucking officer of the law. gross. ANYWAY. i'm out this bitch. bye.

P.S.

Bitch... I think I inadvertently kicked my habit of watching.... porn. i used to get into spells of watching it several days in a row, and then give it a rest.. sometimes it would be weeks, other times, months. i never really put it into my head to quit watching. but i remember my last couple of times watching it, and it didn't really do anything for me lmfao. and so i stopped watching. this is months ago, at this point lmfao.i can't recall exactly what day i sat and really tried to watch it-- but it's probably been before.... June, maybe? Maybe early July? Yeah, I think I figured that that's not even something I'm into anymore. It's like... weird to me now lmfao. It's been so long that I actually forgot that it's something I even did lmao. What made me think of this was the fact that some girl on twitter said she's a lesbian and doesn't like lesbian porn lmao. I was like.... bitch..... when is the last time I've watched any of it lmfao.

She was like, "is it weird if I'm gay but I don't like to watch girlxgirl videos?" the replies cracked me up because they were true-- they were like "sis the lesbians watch the guyxguy videos". now, while i've seen those videos, i didn't watch them religiously. like for me, i liked to watch women do solo videos, and then regla degla straight videos. there was not a bunch of girlxgirl videos I liked, although I do have some old faithfuls close to my HOART, should i decide i wanna get back into watching that stuff. it does amaze me how it works that lesbians watch guyxguy videos and get, like, turned on by them. i'm not here to label or judge anybody, but i think it's so interesting. for me, when i watch those kind of videos, which again-- i've probably seen two or three of them-- it's more like a research thing. i'm not looking to get turned on 'cause it's a bunch of males lmao. so one time, i saw a video where there were a few guys and they stacked together like marker tops. so that was interesting. i was very worried about the bottom guys' thangalang 'cause all them niggas were BUFF lmfao. i never was disgusted or anything, i think the most i ever did was bless them because they go through quite a lot to get their needs met. bless 'em, honey. BUHLESS 'EM!!! i was gon complain some more about how lesbian porn is made for men and most of the stars are straight women playing around in our damn faces, but i guess it doesn't really matter NOW, does it? teehee. bye forreal.