Memoirs of a Broke B*tch

Hey, Wig.

Hey, girl! What's up? Been a long time since I've updated. I don't know why it took me so long. Maybe it's because I felt too irritated to deal with this during the school year. I stopped right before my second teaching internship, so maybe I should share a lil bit of went on then.

So, I was in my last semester of school and got put in a few courses— one was Intro to Teaching Literature, and the others were about Student Teaching. Those two classes were put together. One was online although it only dealt with the technical side like updating my hours and doing my web portfolio.

I "taught" first grade in a class full of 22  kids. They were great. The co-teachers were cool. Y'all know I'm deaf, or at least it's true when I don't have a hearing aid. So this whole semester my hearing aid was broken so I had to work with interpreters. They were super nice but it was annoying having to rely on them. No shade, I actually liked them and all that but I would have preferred having my hearing aid. Being in a space without my hearing aid always made me nervous and disinterested in whatever was going on for the most part which is likely the reason I almost got kicked out the program.

They almost kicked my black ass out! So what happened was the teachers spoke with my professors and complained, I guess, about how I wasn't all-in like student teachers are supposed to be, I guess. They failed to tell me this. They would suggest stuff to me, and I would do it, but maybe they got tired of doing that. It's fair for them to want more of me but they should have told me in more certain terms instead of going to my professors. When you're constantly hearing "oh, my gosh, great job" and always asking for feedback and getting positive feedback, it feels horrible to have your professors tell you you're doing badly. Especially with them telling us that or experiences would not be the same and that we could choose to follow the guidelines or do something else.

So, after that, I wouldn't say I held a grudge against the teachers, but I didn't take what they had to say at face value at all. Because after that, they were still not giving me "negative" feedback to my face. Even when I literally asked them for pointers. They might have thought they were sparing my feelings but coddling people leads them to failure. I totally think they should have been more straightforward with me. Like "no, fix this because ____. You shouldn't do this because ______." I can't remember ever asking them for advice and gaining clarity from it. It's not even me saying it because I'm still mad (because thinking about it still ruins my mood) but I can't remember. Anyway, there's this one thing in particular that actually pissed me clean off. And I'm never actually MAD. I get annoyed often, sad, happy, hungry, and all... but I am almost never MAD.

Okay, so boom. I'm teaching my lesson at the tail end of the internship. We're learning about coins. I was talking about who is on the front of each coin. Me and the kids are talking about the dime and who is on the front of that— FDR. One of the kids mentioned Theodore Roosevelt, thinking that was the guy on the dime 'cause him and FDR share the same last name. Now, I corrected it, making sure to mention that they could call him FDR for short if they couldn't remember his whole name. The older teacher, who I've named Wanda, SWEARS that I let the kid say Theodore Roosevelt was the front of the dime. She swears I didn't correct him. My assumption is she just thought she was right because I'm the deaf one and she heard it with her own ears, possibly not taking into account that you lose hearing the older you get. And she was an older lady, probably touching late 50s maybe was in her mid 60s. She was a black lady with all gray hair so I know that she is UP there in age cuz that's how black people age lol. We be 64, looking 47. What she (and what I should have brought to her attention) was that, true, my hearing is not great... but my young interpreters' hearing is. And what they do is interpret what they hear the kids say. Now, people mess up. They've messed up before but generally correct their errors RIGHT away. Also, there are times where I'll catch something the kids said before the interpreter signs it to me because, I CAN hear. A lil bit. Anyway... that time I didn't.
This day a new lady interpreted for me. So she told me he mentioned TR so then I compared the two people saying, their names are similar but that it was FDR on the front and all that Jazz, again, specifically giving him the nickname.

After the lesson is over, she tells me that I told them that it was TR on the front of the dime. I basically objected to that, and saying no, I know I said both of their names and whatever but I definitely told them FDR on the front or whatever. She continues to insist that I did not say that and so I got really upset because I know what I said. I'm ALWAYS in my head about what I say period. That doesn't mean I don't say things that are incorrect, but it does mean that I dwell on it right after, especially if I don't correct it right after. So, I know for a  fact that even if I somehow had a slip of the tongue, that I would have immediately corrected it. So she was not correct in what she thought she heard, period. But I got upset and I actually went and stood on the other side of the room for a couple minutes to collect myself. I didn't want anyone to see me upset ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I WAS BEING OBSERVED BY MY PROFESSOR!!!! So, I had to hurry up and get it together and get back in the game and go talk to the kids and see how they understood the lesson (counting coins). The interpreter tells me that she thought she heard me say that FDR is the one on the dime or whatever. Although I was sure of what I said, I couldn't really read if she was telling me that just to cheer me up or whatever. After, I told the professor why I got upset and if I can remember correctly, she also said that she thought I said FDR was on the dime. But hey, she's older, as well. Anyway, it comes time for the end of the semester thing and they evaluate you or whatever. It was mostly positive— not really GREAT things being said, but they were GOOD.  When I read the evaluation where they said I needed to take responsibility for my own actions, I was incensed and I could have told both of them to kiss my ass, forreal. Both Wanda and... Dana could have caught each hand that day, lmao. Overall Dana and Wanda were nice and the kids were great. I mean, true, you did have one or two assholes but I mean, whatever. Being a teacher means loving the assholes just the same and hopefully flushing those traits out. Some of them slid ya girl a few dollars on my last day.

And there was this one kid with the fine mama. The mama could have actually had a piece. I'm just saying. JUST saying. Anyway, overall this last semester was a complete fool. I wound up "flunking" the class— meaning I got a C and not a B and didn't get to have the teaching license. I still graduated, though. PERIODT!!! Ain't that what I said I was gon' do? I did it!

So why the hell is my VR counselor suggesting I go back to pass that class for the license?

Absolutely not! LMFAO. I'll stop dealing with him and that company before I ever step foot back in that place EVER again. I don't even wanna hear about the 10 yr reunion. Worst 5 years of my life, EASILY. And I got the paper I needed. I'm GOOOOOOOD lmao.

I'll talk more about this in another chapter.

As always, catch y'all in my business next time!