Memoirs of a Broke B*tch

It Was Not A Hot Girl Summer

                       Hiiiii!!! Don't ask me why I've been gone so long because I don't know. I felt the urge to come back and write literally a million times but it wasn't strong enough to actually do it lmao. Anyway, shout out to me finally not being in school in the month of August since 2014. It feels a little strange, but I'm not really mad about it. Realistically, if I had the change to be in school right now, I totally would be. I had already told my current VR counselor that I would absolutely not be returning to my previous school. Actually, speaking of VR counselors, I need to see if I can find one back in Virginia.

I've decided to try and reenroll in school before the Spring 2020 semester. The thing that I keep forgetting is that I need to take tests to get into school. Now, since I plan to keep going into the education field, this means I have to do the tests that I, in short, couldn't do. 

This summer I got basically shipped off to New York to live with my other aunt. How it was first posed to me was, I needed to be out there so I could see all my doctors. The main reason was because I didn't have my hearing aid back yet. To this day, I still don't have it. Luckily, though, there was a loaner that I was able to borrow, so I'm no longer deaf lol. I thought that I would be able to slide back whenever I wanted. But, my aunt suggests that I get a job lined up before going back. I don't necessarily like the idea of getting a random job only because I already know what I want to do. I'm serious about sticking in the education field, and most of them, while they might be accepting of a bachelor's degree, there are no positions that were temporary. On top of that, I don't have transportation. This was all on purpose, so I don't feel bad or behind in that regard. I knew that I would handle all of this once I got out of school and had more time to focus on that stuff.

In school, I had a refund so I had a lil change left over. I've been spending it on random stuff. However, I realized something that I always realize when its too late-- doing school stuff costs MUHNEY. All of my test fees and other school crap easily costs close to $500. Ya girl ain't got it lmao. And although I totally could have refrained from spending it, being at home I get asked for money all the time lmao. And if I say no, it's never for too long. Because of this, I 100% blame my aunt for this, because being at home would've left me to being able to take my tests probably way earlier, especially considering two of them are only offered in Virginia. I haven't been in Virginia since the day after graduation.

This is what really got me thinking, though. I had told her I was ready to come back and she hits me with the "not until you have a job" thing. That's when it hit me--- I am 24 years old and I was just told where I could and couldn't go. I am of legal age and here is somebody else, telling me what I could and couldn't do. This was already in like, growing annoyance of not having my own space. Then I'd go on social media and be envious of the 19 year olds who had their own space. Most of them tended to already have children so moved on either on their own volition or due to their parents telling them they had to go. And most of them did not go to school either, just went straight to work. I knew that I had done the right thing (not that I'm saying my way of life is just the right way) by going to school but somehow I still feel behind. 

That's kind of what has me motivated to get a "common" (LMAOOO, who am I, royalty?) job. I have til like November to send in an app for the school I want to get into so I've been applying to everywhere (except Walmart lmao. Working there was TRASH.)  like the madwoman I am. I don't know if this is the Aquarius in me, but we are said to kind of imagine shit instead of doing it lmao. So, naturally, I have a plan in motion. Okay so boom, I'm gonna get this job pretty soon (speaking it into existence) and then work as much as I can. In between checks I'll purchase these damn tests and take them and hopefully pass them on the first go-- lowkey this is why I need to be studying way more than I have been. Okay, I pass the tests-- I send in these apps to the school(s) and get in. Then I'll keep working because there are a million and one damn fees to go to school. Actually, my sister wants to come with me this time lmao. So, if she needs help with her fees, I got her too. Then if all goes well, we're off to school in January. From there I'm just going to try to find a gig or something to keep the money flowing because after this I REFUSE  to be in somebody else's damn house. Nobody is going to control me and tell me what to do. And I will likely drop off the face of the earth-- or in less morbid terms, be under the radar. Being at my OTHER aunt's house has been very annoying and reminds me of when I actually lived with her. Only this time, her daughter, my cousin has been a pain in the ass too. I just want to be able to have full control of my own life and have  everyone leave me the fuck alone lmao.

That's all I ever crave-- solitude. I cannot wait. I can't wait, girl. ALSO, one thing I feel like I'll be able to do is foster relationships without being limited-- that's both romantic and platonic. I don't even do much with friends because I can't bring anybody back without everybody asking a bunch of goddamn questions lmao.

TL;DR: I'm trying to go back to school and get my Master's and get my own shit because not having my own shit has me questioning my own self-worth yay.

Alright, bye.