Awe - Harry Styles

(61) please don't go

AMELIA ELAYNE MOORE

Mary's words ring through my head as I prepare to her funeral, "Please don't wear black.. wear something pretty to remember me.."

And I wonder, how could this happen? How could I lose all my family so fast?

Just the day before, I had disregarded my grandmothers health and fought with my boyfriend instead. The past year I haven't spent as much time with her as I could've, and I didn't know if I was going to keep the promise to her and my grandfather or not.

"I'm so sorry, Mary.." tears roll down my cheeks as I realize what's about to happen, and how I could've missed this moment so easily. "I didn't even check my phone for a call or anything. I was so consumed in my own life, I'm so sorry I've disappointed you."

She held onto my hand tightly, her eyes barely staying open as she knew she wouldn't have to struggle for much longer. "My sunflower.. you didn't disappoint me. You made me proud... you focused on your own health and safety and I couldn't have asked for more.. please don't feel guilty for this."

"I can't help it, Mary. What am I supposed to do now?" I sobbed, feeling my world start to break in front of me.

"You're supposed to go on with life.. I know you can and I know that you and Harry will have a happy life together." She smiles softly, "He looks at you like Eddie looked at me, sunflower."

"I know he does, but he's not happy with me right now." I stop myself, "We shouldn't even be talking about me right now, this is about you."

"I don't want it to be.. my time is done, I want to know how you're going to continue your own time here.. don't feel guilty and try not to be so sad anymore.. be happy and stay with Harry.. and don't worry yourself with that bar..."

I shake my head immediately, "No, no I'll keep the bar. I promised you and I promised Eddie. The bar is yours."

"Eddie and I talked before he passed.. he didn't want you having the bar, it was my idea because I didn't want to let go of it... but now I'm telling you... you're young still, do what you want to.. don't do what we wanted to.."

"I love you, Mary. I'm going to miss you, I don't know how I can do this." I change the subject, not knowing how to take what she said.

"I'll still be here with you, I love you, my sunflower."

I will never forget the worry on my face when I arrived at the hospital and they told my grandmother was dying. My phone has been left on ringer since then, I don't think I'll ever turn it on silent again.

What poor timing.

I didn't go home that night, I stayed with her as long as I could and then I drove straight to the sunflower field. Harry was upset with me for leaving him, so I only called once and he never answered. I simply left a voicemail to call me back since I didn't want to tell him the news over a voicemail, but he never called me back.

He's good at that.

But I'm not angry with him for it, if he had walked out on me like I did to him, I would've done the same. Though I don't regret walking out at all because I might not have been with my grandmother as she died if I hadn't.

I left Mia and Megan a message, so Mia and Matthew took care of the bar while I stayed away from it. I couldn't find the strength to go inside of it, so I started to stay at Megan's. I've only been here a day though, Mary already had her funeral planned out, all they needed was a date which is today.

Megan knocked on her guest room door as I slipped Mary's pearls around my neck, my light makeup barely hiding my puffy eyes.

"Hey, you have a visitor." She spoke softly, her usual self not present with the death of Mary. She was as close with her as anyone could be without being family to her.

Mary was so kind to everyone.

"I don't want to talk to anyone.." I shake my head and look back to the mirror, gripping onto the pearls and wishing I could see Harry's matching one.

She nodded, "I know you don't, but I think you want this visitor." She disappeared and it was only a moment of silence before I recognized the sweet accent.

"Cherry... why didn't you tell me?" His eyes were full of tears, yet none fell.

My head whipped to him and I couldn't stop the cry from escaping my lips, "I'm so sorry."

Immediately, he made his way towards me and wrapped his arms around my waist, mine around his neck as I cried into his shoulder.

"How long?" He asked, sniffling slightly.

I tried to calm myself down but kept him wrapped tightly in a hug. "It's been awhile now.. I've lost track. Harry, I'm so sorry for leaving angry and never telling you about her sickness... you deserved to know but I was so selfish. I'm sorry.."

"You weren't selfish. I didn't tell you how sick Robin really was, so I guess we're even now. I'm just happy to be here with you now. I'm so sorry I ignored your call, I could've been here with you.."

"Freak the therapist." I muttered into his shoulder, "I need you here with me. I want to go on tour with you and I want to live my life without being trapped down here."

He pulled me away at arms length, "Are you really sure? I overstepped my bounds by planning it out before and I'm sorry for that. But this is a time of sadness, I'm not sure you should be making any decisions."

"It's what Mary would want.."