Awe - Harry Styles

(53) sunflowers and canyon moon

y'all keep giving this much love to me & this book i might just damn right combust
all the love in the world
olive

AMELIA ELAYNE MOORE

I'm worried about how today will pan out. Last night at the diner went well, it went better than well, but that was just the two of us. And it was only an hour or two.

But, the sunflower field feels so weirdly sacred to our past relationship in a way. It's the place where I realized I truly liked him, and I have a feeling that it's the same place Harry did too. I have a picture of the field up in Canyon Moon, I visited there sometimes alone since Eddie wouldn't come with, and I used to find him just staring at it with adoration.

It made my heart melt each time, but that all feels like such a lifetime ago now.

It all feels like such a lifetime ago.

I can't help the insecurities that flood my mind over everything. I mean, I'm different now. As weird and cliche as that sounds - I am. Harry changed me completely and his absence only had me accepting that all even more.

For starters, he truly helped me find emotions. Before, I'd spend about a day by myself when something truly conflicting happened and I'd let it all out then. But now, I find myself just crying to cry sometimes. I've always missed Eddie so dearly, but I couldn't bring any emotion out - and now I cry sometimes just by looking at the photo of him and Mary.

Harry also helped me find myself more. I was a bit too kind I guess you could say. Don't get me wrong, I'm still kind but I'm just not as much of a pushover anymore in my opinion. Ethan realized that the hard way when he tried to come onto me one night at Canyon Moon, when I wasn't with Harry.

I was desperate then - but not for someone else. I was desperate for the one I love, Harry, so I brushed him off and locked myself in my room, forcing myself to fall asleep despite the loud music just downstairs.

And, I'm happy I did that.

I don't really do one night stands and I don't want to pursue something with Ethan at all. I see him purely as an ex who has become a best friend to me, and I hope he feels the same.

Let's just pray for Harry when he comes to Canyon Moon and has to see everyone there, the people who slightly dislike him due to what he did to me.

Harry smiles as I hop into his car, "Hello Cherry, you look pretty."

I look over at him with a smile, taking in his casual attire that he could still wear on a runway if he wished to. "You don't look too bad yourself, Styles."

Basic reply, Amelia.

He hums a thanks in reply and we listen to music for the rest of the ride, his playlist which surprisingly even includes some of his own songs. He blamed it on the fact he wanted to make sure his songs would sell - as if they wouldn't without his own purchase.

I just rolled my eyes in reply, receiving a gasp of hurt from him as he argued that I didn't believe him and needed to make him a completely new playlist with my 'hippie' music.

I would not call it hippie music.

But, Harry sure did in his music and as I played it while we sat at the sunflower field. It was genuine fun, which I wasn't sure we could have after everything we'd been through.

He brought cherries, strawberries and watermelon. Saying all the fruit only seemed fitting for it all, even forcing me to smile with it all for a photo. Which he now has as his background.

I can see him letting go of his fears and I couldn't be prouder.

But, now I'm the one with fears as we stand outside Canyon Moon.

"Are ya going to open the door?" Harry muses from behind me.

"Do I have a choice?" I joke, knowing that inside my friends will rip him a new one while I work. Or try to work at least.

"Nope." He popped the 'p' and pushed the yellow door, that was looking more blue with each day, and entered in front of me.

Why isn't he as scared as me? That's not fair.

He looked back at me with a soft smile, softening my worries slightly as he took my hand and led me inside. I could feel Megan's cold eyes on us already, and Harry tensed up

But, Megan wasn't the first to speak, Ethan was. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Ethan, please." I argued back, not wanting to watch Harry get into a fight with my friends right now.

"It's nice to see you again, Harry." Mia smiles, knowing I wish for the situation to be happier before she disappears to work some of the tables.

Just as I should be doing. But, instead, I have to play buffer so my friends don't rip my boyfriends head off.

"Oh, so the pop star finally has time to see his girlfriend?" Megan tuts, "Was wondering when you'd finally get your shit together, I see my best friend has forgiven you quite easily."

"We talked." I cut in, not letting Harry get a word in just out of fear for what he would say. "We talked everything out, and now we're trying to make things better again. Please let us do that, in peace."

Megan eyed us both before letting out a huff, "I'll let it go as best as I can. But I'll still make comments just 'cause I like shitting with you both." She patted Harry's shoulder before walking away from us to Matthew who was serving people.

Now it's just the three of us - Harry, Ethan, and I.

"I'm sorry, Ethan. If I hurt you in anyway." Harry apologizes, something he's getting better at though I don't really think he owes an apology to Ethan.

Ethan doesn't say a word, he simply glares once more and walks straight out of Canyon Moon.