My World Will Stop Spinning [Katy Perry Fan fiction]

Chapter 6- The Body

[Katy’s POV] 

I could feel my legs shaking beneath me, my heart pounding through my chest. I sat lent forward with my elbows on my thighs, impatiently in the waiting room of the morgue, alone, knowing that the body lying on the cold slab on the other side of the black door that separated this room from that one, could be Samantha. 

The room was so cold, a long corridor with chairs and then a water machine. I could feel shivers running through my body and goose bumps rising on my skin. I ran my fingers through my hair, gripping tightly to my roots and tugging at the hair between my fingers, just wanting to rip it all out. 

My mom and dad were in there, it had been two minutes, two minutes of complete agony. I couldn’t go in there, whether it was her or not, I couldn’t force myself to do it. If it was her, I wouldn’t be able to see her like that, lifeless and pale with no movement in her body what so ever. 

They say the worst pain a woman can go through is losing a child, and it was so true. I’ve been through loss before, it’s hard, but not as hard as this. When I got divorced and I lost Russell, it broke me, but I picked up the pieces and carried on. But I can’t live without Samantha, I would never recover from this, I wouldn’t be able to just go back to performing in front of thousands of supportive people. I could feel my heart starting to hurt even more as horrible thoughts took over my already confused head, making me grip my hair tighter between my fingers. 

I knew this was all my fault, If anything has happened to her it was all my fault. How stupid was I to tell her that and then just leave her on her own, how stupid was I to even tell her in the first place. She didn’t need to know, there was no way she would ever look at me as a mother anyway. My empty stomach began churning and I could feel sick stuck at the back of my throat. I had nearly lost her in that car accident, there was no way I could lose her again, it was unbearable. 

Then finally, the black door opened and my mom walked out, followed by my dad. Their faces were blank, my mom’s eyes were wide opened as she stared at the floor with her mouth open. My dad had his hand on her shoulder, he looked like he had just seen a ghost. The door shut and they stood there in silence, they both looked so morbid. I felt my rapid heart beat suddenly come to an automatic stop. 

I stood up covering my mouth with my hand, my bottom lip began to tremble as I felt tears well up in my eyes. Oh my god, she’s dead I know it. I didn’t want to hear what they were going to tell me, how could I possibly be told my daughter was lying dead in a room just a few meters away from me. I needed to go, I needed to run away. Then I stopped myself, running away wasn’t the answer, I did that once and that’s what caused this to get as bad as it is, that’s what caused me to maybe lose the best thing in my life. I was done with running away from anything that life chucked at me.

“Mom?” I said quietly. My dad’s head spun around to face me. He stared me in the eyes, he knew the pain I was going through right now and he knew that more than anyone I was suffering the most.

“It’s not her,” I felt my heart begin to beat again as I let out a deep breath of air. 

“Some poor people have lost their daughter,” My mom whispered, blinking and then looking up at me and my dad. “I can’t even begin to imagine the pain those people must be going through.” 

My dad walked towards me and brought his hand to my back, “We will find her,” he reassured me. 

I was sick of people saying that today, telling me she was going to be okay and that she will be home safe and sound. No one knew that for sure, she could be lying dead somewhere and just because that wasn‘t her then, doesn‘t mean it wont be in a few days.