My World Will Stop Spinning [Katy Perry Fan fiction]

Chapter 31- I don't want to do this, I have to.

I gulped hard, feeling the beads of sweat starting to drip down my forehead. Me and Katy were just stood staring at one another in complete shock. Mom. Three letters, one word. 

My breathing picked up it’s pace as I stood unable to think of something to say to her. She looked so happy, so in awe at what I had just called her. Katy had dreamed of me calling her that since she was nineteen years old, was I really about to break her heart all over again? I suppose that answer just had to be yes. I made a mistake, that’s all it was, right? 

Katy moved her hand from her mouth, staring at me in disbelief, “Sammie, y-you just called me…” she paused, waiting for a little moment so she could actually get her head around it. Just as her mouth opened to talk again, to say that word I had just called her a moment ago, I did what I didn’t want to do. I broke her heart. 

“Y-yeah, I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have said it.” 

I saw her smile drop a little, but she shook her head, “You don’t have to apologize, calling me ‘mom’ isn’t a bad thing.” 

I have a mom in Miami, how could I even think about calling Katy mom. I knew if I said it I would regret it, so why did I bother with it in the first place. But did I regret it? Eugh I was so confused. My eyebrows furrowed and the anger I felt towards myself seemed to just take control, “Yes I do, it was a mistake. You’re Katy, got it? I will call you Katy, nothing else.” I snapped. Boy did I hate myself right now. 

I could have hit myself. Why was I so careless? Why did I have to hurt her? 

“But-” 

I could see the tears along the bottoms of Katy’s eyes. I can honestly say this is the most awful situation I have ever been in. 

“Just drop it Katy. Forget what I said, okay? It didn’t mean anything.” I yelled down to her, still stood halfway up the stairs. 

“What do you mean it didn’t mean anything?” Her voice was quiet, but the pain was evident. 

“I mean it was a stupid mistake. You’re just Katy and that’s all you’ll ever be!” 

And with that I sprinted as fast as I could up the stairs, into my room and straight onto my bed. I had to tell her it was a mistake, she might have woke up in the morning expecting me to be calling her mom, so putting her straight was the best thing to do.

 I didn’t bother getting changed or taking off my make-up, I just crawled under my sheets and silently sobbed myself to sleep.

I woke up the next morning feeling just as bad as I did last night. I didn’t dare go downstairs, maybe I’d walk in on Katy crying or something, but it’s not like I could stay up here forever. I quickly pulled out my phone and dialled the first person that came to mind. 

After getting dressed and sorting myself out, I finally prepared myself to go downstairs. I slowly opened the front room door, seeing Katy stood up on the phone. Perfect. I could walk past her and into the kitchen without having to talk to her. I kept my head down and did exactly that, making sure not to make eye contact with her as I passed into the kitchen. I looked at the clock. I had five minutes. 

I made a bowl of cereal and quickly began eating it, not even giving myself enough time to chew it properly. Katy’s voice could still be heard as she spoke on the phone, so I was trying to get it eaten and get out of the front door before she’d finished. 

“Alright, bye Shan.” 

Shit. 

I put the remaining cereal in the trash and placed the bowl in the sink, hoping I could get out of the door before she noticed me reappear from the kitchen.