My World Will Stop Spinning [Katy Perry Fan fiction]

Chapter 39- Remembering the Goodbye's.

I had dropped Sammie off at school at around nine the next morning, before returning back home and making some sort of attempt to do a bit of cleaning. I’m one of those people who can’t stand things being untidy. I’m organized and prepared for everything. I picked up a kitchen cloth, dampened it and sprayed surface cleanser onto the kitchen worktops, then used the cloth to wipe it all off. I took this time to think about things. Feelings.

Oliver had stayed the night again last night. He was upstairs at the minute showering and getting changed. The weird thing was…it didn’t feel weird. Infact, him being here a lot now and being there for me and Sammie made everything perfect. This time a couple of months ago I sat in a recording studio dwelling on my ended relationship with John, arguing with myself If the decision we had both agreed, which was to end our relationship, was the right one. It annoyed me, aggravated me so much to an extent I would end up driving over to Shannon’s house at silly hours in the morning just so I didn’t have to sleep alone with my thoughts. That’s what Shannon’s there for. She’s my rock. I can honestly say I don’t know where I would be without that woman.

I dropped the cloth back into the sink and looked down at my now wet hands. I realised my focus was mainly on the finger next to my pinkie on my left hand. I just stared at the place where my wedding ring used to be, something that I used to do when I felt depressed or was just in one of them moods. I hadn’t felt like that these past couple of months though. I haven’t felt like I’ve needed to see or speak to Russell; I haven’t even thought about him at all. When I saw him in the store a couple of weeks ago, I didn’t feel an ounce of pain as I saw him stood with his slut.  And this time, as I stare down at my manicured fingers, I feel nothing. I don’t care…

I should have stopped caring the minute he texted me telling me he wanted to divorce me, I know that, but I also know that I’m human. And part of being human is grieving. I grieved for months on end, cried myself to sleep at nights, clutched onto the necklace that he’d bought me for my birthday and watched as my tears dropped onto the palms of my hands. Then when I was with John, it settled down a bit, but it still hurt. I thought I loved John, but it’s now that I realise the comparisons between John and Oliver. The way he touches me, so gentle and careful, where as John’s guitar hands were rough and could be forceful sometimes. Oliver gives me these smiles, and it’s like they are his way of assuring me during a bad situation that everything is going to be fine. I will always believe it, because for some reason I have one hundred percent trust in him. It wasn’t like that with John, I didn’t trust him one hundred percent. There were times when I would call him and he’d ignore me, not even respond until a couple of days later…making me wonder where exactly he was at that point.

Everytime Oliver touches me, it’s like a million fireworks are being set off inside me. It was like this when we were teenagers, yet I never once felt like this with John.  

When I was with John, at times, my mind still wandered back to Russell, even though I knew I shouldn’t have, but not once has it since I’ve been spending time with Oliver. He makes me feel special, and safe. I feel protection when I’m in his arms, and it’s like no one or nothing can hurt me. I loved him once, maybe I could love him again.

A smile formed on my lips as I felt a pair of arms snake around my waist from behind me. I felt protected again.

“You look beautiful.” Oliver whispered into my ear.

I blushed uncontrollably and leant my head back on his shoulder, letting out a happy sigh. The past two nights we had spent together had just been perfect. Perfect in a way you couldn’t imagine, but I didn’t know what this was between us both. The one thing we hadn’t talked about was what we were labeling this, that’s if we were even putting a label on it. All I knew, was that I didn’t want him to leave me.