When We Meet Again (The Untamed Sequel)

Chapter 22 - The Loss

"Holding back the years, thinking of the fear I've had so long"
- Holding Back the Years

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Wei Wuxian

It hurts...

Every part of me, from head to toes.

Sometimes it's too bad that I can't bear, and then it's faint somewhat manageable.

Often I find comfort in a familiar warmth, it soothes the pain. Then it disappears again but something tells me that it will be back.

An old memory comes into my head. I've been seeing this from the time when the pain started.

No... Old is not a good description. Nightmarish would do.

The core transfer...

Once again I feel the same warmth, but this time in my mind. I feel his presence. Lan Zhan's presence.

Oh... it's empathy... You've put empathy on me. Lan Zhan, you should know, my mind is not a good place to wander.

This certainly is not something you should see.

I'm sorry for doing this Lan Zhan. I don't want to sneak into your memories. But there's no other way to make you stop witnessing this. I don't want you to be haunted too.

I flip the empathy. Instead of him being in my mind, it was me who was in his.

I was in Cloud Recess. I see a young Lan Zhan and the other members of the Lan Sect enter through the main entrance. They were surely coming after a battle, for the way they looked. But which one?

Could it be after Nightless city? Does it mean this is after my death? Then, Lan Zhan...

One glance at him explains it all. Lan Zhan, who was always thick-skinned now looked pale and weak. As if something inside him was broken. But I could see that he was holding back his emotions, and his hands were shivering in the attempt.

Did you care for me this much Lan Zhan?

It hurts to see you like this.

After they climb up the steps Lan Zhan runs away from the other disciples. I see Lan Qiren opening his mouth to order him to come back. But Zewu Jun asks him to let Lan Zhan be alone for some time.

I run after Lan Zhan.

He enters his room and closes the door. And stares up ahead for a few moments as if he was lost.

Then his knees buckle and he falls on to the ground.

Lan Zhan...

He was sobbing while whispering something in between the sobs. Just as I try to get close to him to see what he's saying he yells my name.

I've done enough and more empathies to know the difference between memory and reality. But I can't help but kneel in front of him and take his face in my arms, knowing my hands will just slip through him.

Tears were raining down his eyes. He was crying in the way you'd feel that it'll never stop. I've never seen him so broken. He was in pieces, shattered, unable to find any comfort.

"I'm sorry..." he was whispering over and over again.

"I'm here Lan Zhan, it's not your fault," I tell him, but it does no good. I rest my forehead against him as he cries, shaking violently.

If I knew that you'd be this way...

When the tears finally stop he leans back on the door and stares up ahead as if he was dreaming. Some people knock on the door calling his name, but he hears nothing.

He just keeps on staring, when his brother comes in and hugs him, when he desperately tries to talk to him, when he finally carries him to his bed and leaves him to sleep.

I have to get out of his mind.

He must have expected an answer when he tried it. But I have only one thing to say.

"Wait for me Lan Zhan," I tell in a way he could hear my voice in his head.

I slip out of his head. And the pain starts again.

Lan Wangji

"Wait for me Lan Zhan" I hear his voice in my head.

I open my eyes with a gasp.

"Wangji?" my brother helps me to my feet. My hands were trembling. I ball them into fists. "Did you find anything?"

I shake my head. "He wants me to wait," I say with effort.

"Wangji?" he asks concerned.

But I don't reply. I keep my gaze fixed on Wei Ying. There were tears coming out of his closed eyes.

Noticing them, my brother sighs. "I understand. I'll take my leave now."

I hear the door open and close again.

There was only one thing I needed at this moment. His warmth. I snuggle close to him and lay my head on his chest. I listen to his heartbeat. It was music to my ears. Music of the fact that he's alive, that I'm given a second chance.

I close my eyes, and Wei Ying's memory I crawl into my mind. Now I understand why he didn't let me stay in his mind for long. He knew that they will haunt me.

I raise my arm to wipe his tears.

You care for me even when you're in pain. I can only think of how fortunate I am to get you back. You might be a ruthless killer in everyone's eyes, Wei Ying. But they have never seen this pure heart of you. How much you can care.

He wants me to wait for him and I will. I'll wait for you, I always have, no matter how long it takes.

"I love you," I tell him. "Come back to me."