"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."
― Richard Puz, The Carolinian
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Wei Wuxian
My head throbs when my eyes open. I was back in Jingshi, under the familiar soft quilt which contained my favorite scent of sandalwood.
Lan Zhan!
I stand up too fast and almost fall on the bed right after.
Damn this head! I need to find Lan Zhan. He must have talked to Zewu Jun.
I drag myself towards the door and open it. I hold on to the doorframe to steady myself. My head was spinning. I see something white immerging through the entrance from the corner of my eye. I don't have to see what it is to know that it was Lan Zhan.
I've never seen him this way. So broken, so lost. But who is to be blamed? Me. Only me.
He doesn't deserve this. He should be having a happy life.
When our eyes met I felt as if something broke inside me, knowing that the sole reason for his pain was me.
He runs to me and puts his arms around my waist. He trembles as he grips my robes and my hands immediately wrapped around his neck. I pull him close to me, tightening my hug.
He breaks down into my shoulder.
"Lan Zhan," I start, but what can I say? That I'm here, it will be a lie.
He was shaking uncontrollably. He must be dying inside.
"I'm sorry..." I whisper.
"Stay." He simply says, voice cracked, but I know the weight behind it. "Please."
If there was just one piece that was whole inside me, that too broke right now. I feel tears pouring out of my eyes and I tighten my hold on him.
I want to, I want to stay with you, Lan Zhan. I'm trying.
Thousands of things that I want to say, but I felt like I was choking on my words.
He holds on to me as if his life depended on it, maybe it did. So I let him hold me while he can. I let him cry on me.
And I don't let go.
Even when his shaking controls.
Even when he runs out of tears.
Even when his grip on my robes lightens.
Even when he finally lets out a steady breath.
Even when I take him to the bed and we lie down.
I don't let him go. If I could, I will hold on forever.
And now I realize, forever is not a promise, it's a hope.
***
"Lan Zhan?" I call him that night as I lie next to him, with my head on his chest. "Are you awake?"
"Hm," I hear his voice resonate through his chest.
"Hold me."
He does what I requested, by turning to his side and securing me within his arms.
I feel his breath on my forehead as he sighs when I push myself close to him. "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault."
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When We Meet Again (The Untamed Sequel)
Фанфик[Completed] After being separated by morals, by death, and at last by duties, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji find themselves with an empty space in their lives and an unexplained longing to see each other again. With everything they have been through, t...
