[Completed]
After being separated by morals, by death, and at last by duties, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji find themselves with an empty space in their lives and an unexplained longing to see each other again.
With everything they have been through, t...
Maybe you would have never made your separate way, Maybe you would have stayed with me and proved everyone wrong...
― Mehek Bassi, Chained: Can you escape fate?
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Lan Wangji
As I finish my work for the day, I pace towards Jingshi. I enjoy this walk. The placid environment helps me calm my mind. Cloud Recess has always been quiet withstanding the rule 'Noise is prohibited in Cloud Recess'. I can remember only one time period where it was not quiet. When he was here. He made this silent territory vivid in his own way. I would not be surprised if he managed to break all 3000 rules of Cloud Recess within a day. I internally laugh at the memory.
It's nearly time for the curfew. Usually, I'd be in Jingshi by this time giving me time for a dip in the Cold Spring. But today, there was more work to be completed than usual leaving me exhausted, which increases the need that bath even more. But I decided against it.
As I walk forward I see a figure coming out of the woods. After some time I recognize him as Sizhui, who is trying to run towards their residence before the curfew begins. Seeing me he pauses abruptly.
"Hang- Hanguang-Jun!"
"What are you doing here at this hour?" I ask.
"I- I-" for the way he stammers, I immediately understand. He has gone to visit his only family.
"Wen Ning?" I ask.
"Hanguang-Jun I apologize- "
"You don't have to," I say cutting him off. He looks at me in surprise. "He's your family. You can visit him if you want to. But inform someone before you go." A smile spreads in his face and he nods. I turn to leave.
"Hanguang-Jun," I look at him. He is hesitating.
"What is it Sizhui?"
"When is Senior Wei coming back? He will, wouldn't he?" I can hear the sadness in his voice. He is missing him.
"He will. Wait for a while."
"Wen Ning said that he doesn't know where he is. And Senior Wei hasn't summoned him even once. Is he all right?"
"Yes, he is. We will find him when he wants to be found." With that, he leaves.
When Wei Ying didn't come to Cloud recess this time, I knew that he had a reason. And I gave him time for whatever it was. And he will come back when he wants to. That's all I needed to know.
****
I lie on my bed and close my eyes. I can't deny that I feel empty without him. But this emptiness is nothing compared to the emptiness I felt back then.
Pain
Unbearable pain
That's all I feel.
Like I don't know how to feel anything except pain.
I can feel that my wounds on my back are bleeding. I need to treat them. But I don't want to. What is the point? Their pain is barely felt compared to the throb in my heart. I can only stare up ahead as I lie on my chest on my bed. My vision blurs, I don't know when I started crying.
Wei Ying... Gone...
I couldn't save him. I didn't stand by him when I had to. If I held on to him more tightly, if I could have ignored the wound on my arm I could have pulled him up. If I stayed with him in Burial Mounds, if I had listened to him...
The way you fell...
"Wei Ying..." I sob into my pillow. It hurts. It hurts too much. I want to scream out till I lose my voice. But I can't. As if I've lost the control of my body.
Someone enters Jingshi, after a while, I feel my brother's hands stroking my head. I don't want to look this vulnerable but I can't help it.
"Wangji..." he starts, but he knows that words can't give any comfort to me now.
He's gone... I couldn't save him.
The memory itself scares me. And I have realized, if I lose him again, I will not be able to survive.
***
I sit on the porch of Jingshi with my rabbits surrounding me. One of them Jumps on to my lap and I stroke its ears. They have been my companions as long has Wei Ying has been. I always thought of them as a gift he left for me. Maybe he did...
"Wangji," My brother is standing near the entrance of Jingshi wearing that compassionate expression. Another soul who has been with me throughout my life. He was one of those few people who understands why I did what I did, and the only person understands that I need Wei Ying in my life more than anything else.
"Brother" I greet him. One of the rabbits hops near his leg. He picks it up and joins me on the porch. "How do you feel?"
"There are some scars that even time doesn't heal. You know that better than me Wangji." He smiles warily. "I heard that We Ning is back."
"Yes"
"Has he found out anything about him?"
I shake my head.
He sighs. "I think it's time for you to go find him."
I look at him with a slight surprise. "Brother-"
"Wangji," he keeps his hand on my shoulder. "You've always put your needs behind other's needs. You've done your duties for the realm, you've been there for me when I needed, you've served the clan, and now you should live for yourself Wangji. You've done enough. I know that you need him. You've waited for such a long time. Now it's time for you to be happy. You deserve it."
"I don't know where he is" I reply and he smiles.
"Out of all the people in this world, I know you can find him Wangji. Set off tomorrow in the morning. Find him. And if both of you ready, bring him here. After everything the two of you've been through, I know he's meant to be by your side."
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