Chapter 4 - Together

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When you're one with the one you were meant to find
Everything falls in place, all the stars align
Demi Lovato – Heart by Heart

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Lan Wangji

We peer at the scenery before us with our fingers entwined. In a way, it describes the two of us. Calm, yet filled. Beautiful, yet minimal. Mountains looming, yet made of the delicacy of soil and the hardness of stones. A perfect illustration of our souls.

Wei Ying leans his head on my shoulder. "Lan Zhan, since when?"

"Back when you were in Cloud Recess," I answer honestly.

He looks at me. There's something unsaid in his eyes.

"Wei Ying, since when?" I ask. The answer I got was entirely unexpected.

"I think, back when I was in Cloud Recess as well."

"But you-"

"Flirted with other women? Lan Zhan, let me tell you something about myself. If I liked them, I would be with one of them instead of you, wouldn't I?" He sighs. "I guess when it came to understanding what I felt, I always failed, regardless of being full of myself," he smirks. "But it doesn't matter, that's the past. We're together now." He says gesturing our connected hands.

What would have happened if I confessed back then? I wonder.

At first, I felt I was wrong, very wrong, to feel this way. And I was afraid.

I spent all the time I've lived to make myself better. Cultivating, practicing sword, living by the rules. I believed that feelings were bad. That they always hurt. When he came along, it all changed. At first, I was afraid of those changes. But I couldn't help but feel that I belonged when I was with him. I thought that it was just me. But...

I found my soul mate. But at the wrong time.

True, as he said, that's the past.

"Yes, it doesn't matter," I say.

He smiles and kisses me lightly. Putting his arms around me, he keeps his head on my chest.

Wei Ying, I want to hold you close every day. I can't afford to lose you again. Please... Be with me...

"Lan Zhan"

"I'm here." I love you...

He looks at me with his smile. "I'm here too."

***

Wei Ying takes me to Yiling City to spend the day. We slowly walk along the roads, remembering the familiarity. Two times, we've been here together. And in both of those times, we had issues to attend to. But this time we have all day for us, to relish simply the fact of being together.

I look around registering the changes that have happened since the first time I came here. The place where young Sizhui grabbed my leg, the stall where I bought him toys, and I see another stall that I stopped by that day before meeting Wei Ying.

I take the very thing I purchased that day out of my sleeve, neatly folded in a white piece of cloth. I intended to give this to him on that day, but knowing that he was not going to abandon the people with him, I did not.

Only if you knew how much I wanted to stay with you that day

"Wei Ying," I give it to him. "For You."

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