TO LAST A LIFETIME

Bastard Child

Gennie

There was a nagging fear that clogged my chest as I uneasily went into my toilet that morning. Rain had threatened to fall that morning, making the weather dark and gloomy, just as my mood.

I caught my face in the mirror, I shook my head at the girl in black lingerie that was staring back in the mirror, puffy face, black eyes, bleary from lack of sleep. My hands cupped my boobs, they were surprisingly bigger than their normal sizes, the nipples hurt when my fingers grazed over them.

I could feel my heart race, something was wrong, I knew for sure, but a little confirmation was all I needed to prove it was just stress and nothing more.

I held on to the little plastic test tube with shivering fingers. I could hear my heart hammering inside, my head dizzy, and my belly was building up.

Whatever the test result was going to be, was going to determine my fate!

No, I wasn't pregnant, not at all, I couldn't be. The clumsiness, nausea, boobs tenderness, morning fever, and headaches were just fatigue or symptoms of delayed menstruation. I couldn't be pregnant, I wasn't the careless type and never would be. That night, he had used protection, I was certain as hell, so I couldn't be pregnant, it had to be something else, definitely stress. I assured myself as I settled on the closed toilet seat with my pajamas on, waiting for the inevitable result.

My heart kept on hammering.

Patiently, I waited, reciting the Lord's prayer.

More than fifteen minutes had passed, I was afraid to look in the tube, I was afraid of what I was going to find, I just sat there with my jaw clenched, my eyes fixed on nothing in particular.

Finally, I made up my mind, whatever the result was going to be, didn't matter. I wasn't going to sit here forever, I still had lots of things to do, and brooding pregnancy fears wasn't part of it.

I looked down at the pregnancy test tube in my hand.

Two faint pink strokes...

I BLANCHED!

I looked again, this time I held it up, squinting my eyes to confirm it.

A home pregnancy test confirmed my nightmare.

I was pregnant! Oh my God! I was pregnant!! Gennie, you're pregnant!

My heart thundered.

Wesley! I was pregnant for Wesley! It can't be! An American? No, maybe the tube was faulty.

I mentally played back to that night, I was extremely sure Wesley had used protection. Or did his condom fail? Did the condom break? I'd heard people say that many times before, but it happening to me was unbelievably impossible.

What a mess! What was going on?

Tears burned my eyes as they dropped. I sat there on the toilet for nearly three hours, thinking of what was going to happen next. So what now? Wesley would never want this child. Did I?

There was absolutely no point in calling him, What if he laughed, becomes cold, or uninterested? Definitely, he would be uninterested.

I sat there as the consequences of our lovemaking, of our reckless behaviors haunted my mind like a stubborn ghost.

My phone rang in the bedroom, snapping me out of my worries. I lazily dragged myself to my room after the second ring.

It was Emily. I answered.

"Are you avoiding me? What did I do wrong?" Was the first thing she said.

"No I'm not, why would I? It's not about you!" By mistake, I sniffed. Dang!