Hold me

Chapter 44

Gabby's POV

I opened my eyes and laughed at myself. My phone is still in my hand. I didn't call her, I don't have the guts to do it. I didn't jump to the safe side, I'm still here. I haven't moved, what's stopping me from jumping? Lexi doesn't love me anymore, Bri doesn't need me. Victor has Cameron, and my moms, they're still young. They can adopt other kids, one less damaged than me. I'm not myself anymore, I don't like it. I'm broken, and I don't how to get out of this dark place. I'm not as strong as I thought... I can't be here anymore, I can't keep pretending that I'm okay. I can't keep lying to myself, I can't keep telling myself that I'm fine. I've lost my sisters, first Dani who had a whole life ahead of her. She was only 4 when she was killed, I don't remember her voice anymore. I don't have pictures... I'm forgetting her face, I'm forgetting my sister. Lee she wasn't supposed to die, she wasn't supposed to jump in front of me trying to be the hero.

I shivered as I felt the breeze, it's getting colder... Lee was an Angel. She always knew what to say, she always knew what I needed. She wasn't supposed to die, she had dreams, she wanted to be a doctor. She was going to be the best damn doctor in this world, but that was stolen from her just like it was from my Dani. And Belle, my sweet little Belle. She was too good for this world, she was mature for her age. She didn't even get to meet her mom, she didn't remember anything about her. Lee and I would spend hours telling her all about her because both of them were just like her. Sweet, nice, kind and so loving. But I couldn't save them, I failed them... I fail everyone and I know if I'm still here, I will fail my mothers. "Gabby don't do this, please there is no going back, you're not gonna survive the fall," I hear Lee's voice. "I'm sorry moms," I said closing my eyes and letting go of the rails.

Marsha's POV

Kathy keeps pacing around the living room, talking on the phone. We flew here two days ago, so we would be closer. We've been trying to reach her, the only thing Bri told us what that she wasn't okay the last time she saw her. She hasn't used her credit card she must be using cash or a card of her own account. We haven't heard anything from her for three days, Lexi's parents are helping us too and since she's 21 there's nothing the police can do. I sit down staring a photo of when Gabby was 7, she wanted a suit. So Kathy and she decided to get a matching one. Kathy sits next to me and buries her face on my chest, she starts crying again. "My baby, Marsha, she is my baby," she said and I rub her back. "The fucking police say they can't find anything and they are going to close the case as a runaway, my baby is not that," she said and tried to comfort her while fighting my tears back.

She's been crying for the past three days, we're both a mess. "Marsha, I don't want to lose her, I can't lose her," she said. "We won't, Gabby is smart, she needs time, she will be okay and we'll be okay too," I said pulling her close to me. "She's strong just like her momma," I said and she nodded. "You're right, we need to stay positive, she's got my strength but she's got her intelligence from you," she said sitting up. "Hey, you're smart too," I said wiping off her tears. "Thank you, baby," she said kissing my lips. "Mrs. Hart," said Juanita behind us making us looked back at the same time. "Yes?" Kathy asked. "I made you some food, you need to eat," she said placing two plates on the table. "Thank you, Juanita," said Kathy. She was about to leave when she turned around. "Gabby is a good girl, she will come back home, I know it in my heart," Juanita said squeezing my hand. "Why don't you bring another plate and eat with us?" I asked. "Yes, you're part of our family," said Kathy and I nodded.

She went back to the kitchen and got herself some food. We talked about our memories of Gabby, how she would refuse to shower for two days because I made fun of her for crying when her favorite character died. Kathy also scolded me, but I ended up throwing Gabby in the pool when she was asleep. Kathy almost killed me when she found out, she wouldn't let me touch her and I had to sleep on our couch for a whole week and that was painful not the couch part because it's a very comfortable one but I hate not having her close to me. I've always felt like I was too hard on Gabby, that it would make it hard for her to come to me. Maybe that's why she has isolated herself from us, and I can't stop blaming myself for being so hard her.