6:54

31:

I never really loved myself. I mean, sure I had days where I liked my appearance, or times where I was generally happy with my life, but I never loved myself. I loved a lot of things like animals and music but unlike other people, I couldn't look at myself and say that I loved what I had become. I didn't know how, until Ashton walked into my life. It took me a while to understand love. It took me a while to believe in it, but even when I was at my lowest point, Ashton was there, picking up the pieces and gluing them all back together. I think that was when I trusted him, when I knew he wasn't going to disappear as soon as he saw me cry. He wanted to be there, he wanted to help...

He wanted to save me and I let him. 

I don't regret that. If he didn't, I probably wouldn't be here laughing and smiling and loving myself. I would be lying in a grave with a terrible dress sitting on my rotting bones, because there was no way I would have been able to survive my addiction without him being there every step of the way. I understand that he's just  boy and there's no way someone else can choose your decisions for you but the truth is, Ashton did choose my future. When I was screaming at the voices in my head, he was sitting beside me, thinking about a solution for this panic attack and how at that exact point in time, was he going to calm me down. He didn't realise and he probably still hasn't realised that he chose my fate, and that fate was him and I, together, happy and loving ourselves. 

"You wanna know something really ironic?" Luke asked me. I looked at him, shaking my thoughts away and consentrating on the boy infront of me, "Okay so I know this guy right," He cleared his voice, "And he's really into this girl that he used to date, but he won't say anything because he's scared of what will  happen if they try again," He smirked, "And then there's you..."

"Luke," I groaned, "I can't."

"You can!" He exclaimed, "Seriously, Grace, if you don't do this, you'll regret everything you've worked for with him. You can't let a career and small amount of wasted time get inbetween you guys,"

"It's been like two years. I think that's more than a little time," I pointed out. He sighed loudly and put down the beer bottle in his hand. Both of us were sitting at the table at the reception that we were assigned to. Well, the band was assigned to. I was seated at the head table considering I was a bridesmaid, but at the moment Stella's mum was sitting in my seat and I wasn't exactly prepared to kick a poor old lady out of my chair. Plus, the dance floor looked really appealing to me at the moment. 

"We're going on tour," He blurted out. I looked at him with a straight face. I wasn't shocked. 5 Seconds Of Summer have hit the charts since their last tour, it was just a matter of time that they'd be hosting their own tour in numourous amounts of cities. It was this exact reason why I wasn't making out with Ashton's pretty little face at this point in time, "In America. We're probably moving there," He babbled on, "It's just easier, considering Capitol records is over there and stuff you know? Plus all the industries over there...The places...The people...It's where stars are meant to live and well--"

"Why are you telling me this Luke?" I asked quietly. Luke stayed silent and looked at me with such intensity, I swear there were almost tears. 

"He's indenial, Grace. He's considering not doing the tour at all, it's---," He stopped, "I'm worried about it. If Ashton refuses then we all have to refuse and none of us want to do that,"

"So back to my original question: Why are you telling me this?" I asked. Before he could answer I spoke up again, "Do you want me to talk him into it? Tell him to go because we have no hope here? Or do you want the complete opposite, do you want me to get back together with him so that he's happy enough to leave?"