6:54

:21

Breathe.

Breathe Grace, breathe. 

The ache. It's too much. Too much pain. All the missing pieces, now flooding back to me as I sit on this empty, secluded cliff screaming in pain. My insides were burning and my brain was throbbing. My chest. My poor, broken chest was striving for relief, aiming for the moment when all the pain would stop. It was fifteen minutes past three and I was on this street crying into my legs as all the heart break, all the harsh words, everything came flooding back. I got the good memories back earlier, but once I left the house and once I thought about my past more and more, I felt like death grabbed my shoulders and hugged me tight all over again. It was all there. All of it. Burning into me like I was it's next victim. My eyes were sore from the crying and my legs were soaked with tears. I shouldn't be crying for myself, I know that and so does everyone else, but I just couldn't help it. I couldn't believe that they'd keep this from me. I couldn't believe I wasn't told about the boys or the band and I wish I didn't regain the memories I am now. All the moments between getting taken away from my parents -How heart broken and how scared I was even though I was hurt and tormented on a daily basis -How crap my life was -John, the only guy that seemed to care about me until Stella walked into my life -My suicides. 

Remember that time, when I said I wasn't sure if I was remembering or if I was just being told and lead to believe the things I did with the imagination I portray? It was definitely.  Definitely the second one. I never knew someone -Especially myself- could go through so much god damn pain and so much loneliness. 

My phone started ringing in my pocket and when I checked the caller ID, it was someone I didn't want to talk to right now. Jordan's Camp Rock 2 ringtone was blaring in my ears and i wanted to throw it on the road and smash it into tiny little pieces. I hated her. I can't believe she did this, I can't believe she even thought of this. I understand it would have been shit hearing it, but at least I wouldn't have to find this out on my own, or from Ashton. 

Ashton. 

It all makes so much sense. It was the reason why even when I first met him, my heart was beating slightly faster. It was why he was so sweet, so caring for me all the time. Why Jordan was so guarded. Why Luke was pissed, why Calum was so uncomfortable and why Lola was so hesitant. It was the reason why he made my day so much better even by a simple text and why I was constantly wondering why he even bothered. 

But he was right. I don't know if he's too late or not. I want to believe he is, because after knowing all the emotional pain i've been through with him, I'm not sure I want to be crazy in love with him all over again, but at the same time I already know it's too late. I love him. I still love him. I know he loves me too. I know he cares and I know he wants me more than he wants anything else, but I also know if I decide I can't be with him -If I can't make the commitment I once did- I know he'll forgive me. 

My phone rang again and this time it was my normal ring tone. I picked it up slowly and pressed the answer button, "Hello?" I sniffed. My voice was husky and dry and I knew I was probably incredibly dehydrated right now. 

"Grace," It was Luke, "Where are you? We've been looking everywhere for you," He explained. 

"I'm not sure," I told him, "I'm on..." I turned around and looked at the street name, "Jellico Street," I stated, "But Luke?" I mumbled quickly.

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell anyone? Can you just come by yourself?" I asked. I heard him breathe heavy. 

"Sure,"

 When he finally arrived with his scruffy hair, tired eyes and pale, drunk features he didn't say anything nd neither did I. We both sat on the curb, our legs out infront of each other, and I wasn't sure about him but i definitely wanted this night to end. I took this chance to take in his appearance. He was wearing a white, low cut T-Shirt and you could tell that he was sweating. His black skinny jeans were tight but scrunched up at the ankles and the bracelets on his arms were different shades of black grey and green.