GOSH he is TALL 2 || Herophine

ᴏɴᴇ : ʙᴀᴅ ɢᴜʏ

𝐉𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐏𝐨𝐯

There's so much going on right now and I don't know if I'll be able to handle all this.
The first month I cried till I was asleep.
The fact that the reason of all of this it's me it makes me laugh.
𝑊ℎ𝑦 𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑠𝑜 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑐?
𝑊ℎ𝑦 𝐼 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐼'𝑚 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑜𝑟 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑔 𝐼'𝑚 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐼 𝑎𝑚?
𝐹𝑢𝑐𝑘, 𝑚𝑦 𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑖 𝑏𝑒 𝑠𝑜 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑒?
𝑊ℎ𝑦 𝐼 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑚𝑦 𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓?
𝑊ℎ𝑦 𝐼 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝐼 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘  𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐼 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑣𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑗𝑜𝑦𝑠?
𝑊ℎ𝑦 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝐼 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑠𝑜 𝑢𝑛𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒?

𝐷𝑎𝑚𝑛, 𝐼'𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑜𝑠 𝑖𝑛 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛.
𝐼𝑓 𝐻𝑒𝑟𝑜 𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑙𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦 𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑚𝑒.

My sister is going through a war inside of her head because of the a lot of hate that she's getting on the internet right now.
𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝐺𝑜𝑑, 𝐼'𝑚 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑡.

Isabelle is doing great with her pregnancy.
Oh, the baby is going to be an handsome girl.
I remember when in high school me and Bells used to say that one day we getting to go through a pregnancy together at the same time so our kids could be best friend from the birth day but nope.
𝐼'𝑚 𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑦 𝑓𝑜𝑟 ℎ𝑒𝑟. 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 𝑎𝑓𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑎 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑔𝑛𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑦 𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑤𝑎𝑦.

Actually, I'm in Perth.
I know, I know that Kath and Bells are going through a lot of shit but I'm also in a lot of mess right now.
I still thinking about him. Yes Hero.
He was my only security in my life and have him behind me in this time of my life will for sure make my days more easier.
𝐻𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑚𝑦 𝑟𝑜𝑐𝑘.
He was the only human that was on my side whenever I needed and I make him walk away from me.
𝐻𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑡𝑜𝑜 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑒. 𝐻𝑒 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑣𝑒𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝐼 𝑢𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜.
𝐼 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒.
I really can't explain to myself why I did that.
To be honest, I know I just don't want to admit that to myself.

I've never been good at relationships and maybe when I saw that I was getting too much into him, I freaked out and I ruined the one of the best things it ever happened to me.

𝑀𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡'𝑠 𝑤ℎ𝑦 𝐽𝑎𝑐𝑜𝑏 𝑓𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑛 𝑝𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑚𝑒, 𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝐼 𝑠𝑢𝑐𝑘 𝑖𝑛 𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑝𝑠?
𝑀𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑒 ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑎𝑑 𝑔𝑢𝑦𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑦.
𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑓 𝐼, 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑎𝑑 𝑔𝑢𝑦? 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑏 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑦 𝑟𝑢𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑝?
𝐼'𝑣𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑠𝑘𝑒𝑑 𝑤ℎ𝑦 ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒.

Isabelle still asking me why I did this to me and what's my answer?
" I don't know" that's my regular answer but deep inside of me I know the answer.
I told him that our relationship wasn't working and that wasn't the right time for us but we both knew that was just some bullshit.
I was just so afraid to not be enough for him.
When I realized it?
When the day he told me about how lonely he felt and then I started to think that maybe I wasn't the right person for him.
He deserves so much love. Tons of love and maybe I can't give home because like I said earlier, I suck in relationships.
I mean, I'm a real anti social.
I only have a bunch of friends that you can just count on your fingers and I don't see them really often.
𝑌𝑒𝑎𝑔, 𝐼'𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑔𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑝.

I take a sip of the tea that mg grandma made, while the warm wind is caressing my hair.
I forgot hom much this swing made me feel better through my childhood. I used to sit on this after school and when i wasn't sit on this i was pushing my sister on it.

I take my phone and I skip a song to get finally to one of my favorite Lost by Frank Ocean, he is a freaking talented genius.
I discovered his music thanks to Hero.
𝐷𝑎𝑚𝑛, 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑚𝑒 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑖𝑚.
After our break out I didn't spent a day without thinking about him.
𝐼 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑.
I've never loved like I loved him and I've never felt so loved like he did love me.
His soul is one of the purest on Earth.
𝐻𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑡𝑜𝑜 𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑐 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑝𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑛 𝐸𝑎𝑟𝑡ℎ.

«Honey you didn't had lunch?» my mom asks and for the first seconds I think to start to lie but she's my mom. 𝑆ℎ𝑒 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤𝑠 𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝑜 𝑤𝑒𝑙𝑙.

So I start to nod and she looks at me so disappointed and a bit worried.
«Love, I know you're thinking about Hero and all but you can't stop eat. You lost so much weight.» she says placing her handbag on the coffe table.
«Why you-» she starts te same question.
«Mom please.» I say while she shits behind me.
She hugs me and I cuddle at her.