A Mother's Pride

Chapter 35

Chris' POV

Why did she even shout at me? My eyes widen but I continue driving anyway. I have no freaking idea how I am going to get to this woman. Especially when I do not understand why she suddenly hates me.

I think it's pretty clear that I am feeling awkward. She looks at me and looks back to the front. Whenever I feel awakward, I never know what to do with my right hand. At the moment, I am moving it up and down my knee, up to the steering wheel, to the seatbelt and back to my knee again. Seriously, why does she have so much power over me? I hate it.

"I am supposed to buy books for Lesedi but I don't even have the cash for that. I don't know what I am going to do. And before you ask, no, I cannot let you buy them." She lets out a sigh, showing that she was contemplating before she told me.

"I insist." I say. I love helping out, I really do but Mmampho never lets me help without arguing with me about it first.

"No Chris, I asked nicely. Stop trying to be the hero, I am fine. I am going to be fine. It's not your job to lift me back up every time I fall, this time, let me get back up on my own. That way I can learn how to. "

"But--."

"Chris, please." She begs but no energy is put into it, in fact, she sounds drained.

"Okay. What is your plan?" I ask.

"I do not have one yet. I have been trying to think and nothing is coming up." And yet she won't let me help. What is wrong with this woman?

"So...this is urgent and Lesedi has to go to school as in like tomorrow and you need the books today and you won't let me help you?"

"Yes Chris."

"Look, just let me help you this one time and I won't ever help you again. Deal?"

"Chris I'm not some charity case okay? I'm not weak either. You help me because you feel sorry for me, not because you care. Even when we were dating, you always felt sorry for me, that's why you never left me right?" Ouch, how can she think that of me? I love her so much and I would never see her as a charity case.

"I never said you were, you are just assuming all of that and you need to stop. I care about you, I am in love with you. And I do not know how much I need to stress that out for you to get it. Sure I love helping but there's a time to stop and back away, but with you, it's not just about helping. I care about you more than you think. I want to help you get back on your feet--."

"Feet I never had. I have always been messed up. I have always been knocked out by life, even before I had a chance to live." She raises her voice to interrupt me and I get startled.

She has been holding so much pain in, she never talks to anybody and even I did not know this is how she felt this whole time. I want to make her feel better. I want to make her feel what I see; I see a very strong woman that can take on the world anytime. And that she is also beautiful.

"And you are not weak. You are the strongest woman I have ever met. Most women would have given up on their life by now, but you did not. And look at you now, you are getting on your new feet. You got a house for crying out loud. You are trying to redirect your life and that's awesome. Now that's strength right there. And the most impressive thing about it is that you left me just so you could find your own feet, discover yourself or work your way up on your own. You literally left a mansion because you wanted a sense of ownership for yourself and that's great. That's really great Mmampho. You deserve credit for that

"You could have told me though. I was going to understand it and you know that. Mmampho I love you and I know you do too, just please, please give us a chance." I know I shouldn't have added that part, but I panicked and my tongue just started saying things that I did not process first. That's how nervous she makes me all the freaking time.